Page 76 of Nocturne

Burke and his friends reached the fight, but by that time, I had gone off the rails. Like a fool, I claimed that he was my boyfriend and she was spouting a load of bull. I fought in the corridor, letting go of any modicum of self-respect.

Ifoughtover a worthlessguy, and that is still one of my biggest regrets.

Pearl went to Burke and demanded that he solve the dispute right then and there.

And the man looked me straight in the eyes and told me that he was only humouring me the day before because he felt sorry for me. That he threw me a bone after I pined after him for months becausehefelt sorry forme.

He turned me into a joke in front of the whole campus.

With my dignity ripped in shreds, I walked away, tears streaking down my cheeks. One of Pearl’s friends went so far as to throw some sticky juice on me that seeped into my clothes. All the while, Burke stood there, watching and doing nothing. Not until Ivy appeared and threatened to rip out the eyes of anyone who dared to touch me again.

I ran away, hiding in one of the labs. Apart from the professor who worked on the research, students weren’t privy about it, and no one knew that I had access to it. I spent the whole day rotting in there, questioning everything.

Burke somehow found where I was hiding.

He apologised profusely. He went so far as to take care of the wound on my cheek. He was on his knees, explaining that if he hadn’t done what he had done, I would be walking with a target on my back. That Pearl and every one of her friends would make my life a living hell.

He explained how she was jealous that I was getting the attention he never gave her and a bunch of nonsense that hurts even to think of.

But at that time, as a woman who was starved of affection and love, I lapped at his words. The woman who felt worthless carrying her baggage was moved to see the college heartthrob on his knees in front of her. So I gave in.

I let him touch me; I let him hold me as I cried in his hands and told him that I could bear anything but not seeing him belong to someone else. I told him that I was ready to continue keeping this private, but he wasn't allowed anywhere near Pearl or any of her friends.

He agreed. He promised that he wanted no one else but me.

And like a fool, I trusted him. I gave him my heart. I told him that I loved him. I gave him my first of many, including my body. He took it unapologetically. And come morning, he said he needed to go home to freshen up.

I went back to the dorms and told Ivy everything that happened. Despite the anger, she said she would be happy if I was sure about him. I was dumb enough to tell her that I was sure.

Only for me to be shattered. Again.

As Ivy and I were walking back towards our classes, I saw Burke kissing Pearl and asking her out to the annual ball. The same ball, he promised that he wouldn’t attend and instead spend the night with me.

The dream shattered. It hurt; it hurt so much that breathing became tough, but I carried forward. I walked past them, into my class and decided to pretend that he never existed. Decided that enough was enough. I had to respect myself enough to walk away from a guy who wasn’t worth a speck of my attention or time, no matter how much it hurt.

I changed the code to the labs I worked in. I stopped frequenting the places he knew I would go to because my phone was blaring up with his calls and texts. I didn’t even open the messages, not having the energy to deal with his cockamamie bullcrap. He tried confronting me in front of my classrooms, in the cafeteria, or any place he could after weeks of me not talking to him.

If my heart wasn’t shattered, I would’ve fallen for the desperation in his eyes every time he saw me. The man who refused to acknowledge me in front of an audience went so far as to seek me out in front of them. I was beyond giving a hoot about it, though.

After a month, his acts of desperation reached the heights of bullying and torment. He made his friends scare me at every corner. He tried getting me off of the research teams I worked so hard getting into. He was successful in a few, but in others, I was too important to be kicked out.

Body shaming, sneers of being a joke, being good for nothing, being trash etc etc. They bullied me to the point of self-destruction. It drove me to cut myself, and I woke up in the hospital with Ivy and Iyra, who looked so distraught that I wanted to kill myself again. I would rather not think about the discussion that happened after I woke up.

I decided that I needed to get out of the university, but I didn’t want to jeopardise my studies. I worked so hard for everything I had achieved.

When I put in a request, I was transferred to the offshore campus that is home to the brilliant who show promising research ideas. I was taken in by one of the professors working there, Dr Timothy Reeds. Even with the insane amount of money Burke has, he couldn’t reach me there. Not when he didn’t have the intelligence to back him up.

It took some time for me to come out of the destructive path I’d shoved myself into, but I managed to defeat the urge to inflict self-harm and starve myself.

Burke Berrett made my life a living hell in more than one way. He broke me, turned me into this ball of insecurity and acted to intensify my already existing trust issues. I don’t wish harm on others, but I wish the man burns in hell for everything he did to me.

I have half a mind to get the heck out of here, but I stay put.

I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me run. I’m here with a man who wants to be here with me. Who likes me and is interested in me.

Why should I let go of having a good time because of him? And also, the chances of him seeing me in this huge place are very slight.

I shouldn’t have thought that.

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