Page 110 of Nocturne

When I open my eyes, it is with determination that I wouldn’t let this man anywhere near my heart. Yes, I never had casual relationships or only sex. But how hard could it be? The fast-beating heart and sweaty palms indicate that it could be the hardest-dead thing I would ever do.

“A little negotiation? Maybe I could offer you some science classes instead? You seem to be rather interested in them,”

I try one last lousy attempt, to which he replies with a blank stare.

“Fine,” I relent. “I have no clue what this being your business means. But just for the record, you cannot own a person. You can only own a commodity, any materialistic thing and a human being isn’t a commodity.”

“I can damn right own anything if I want to.” He deadpans.

I let out a sigh. It’s like talking to a wall.

“All right. I have a few stipulations before we proceed further.”

He raises his brow slightly as if he is humouring me to go on.

“But before that, tell me what being yours means, Mr Devlin. Because this is my first, and I need to know the rules before I dive into it.”

It is so shameful how easily I agreed to this deal. A little effort would have been nice for my self-respect. The truth is, as much as I want to throw an excuse for doing this for a noble cause, there is a part of me that jumped in glee about being owned by this man. And that part is being severely judged by the feministic, progressive, logical and independent parts of myself.

Instead of answering, Zagan takes a step back, another and another, until he gives me his back and goes to take a seat behind his great mahogany table. The look in his eyes is beginning to turn me apprehensive as he rests his chin on his closed fist.

“Take a seat.”

Thirty

Ara

Oh.

So we are going to discuss this as a business deal. I squash the tiny disappointed self of mine who expected something more because I didn’t do casual relationships. And also because for every irrational order, I actually thought there was something that he felt for me other than just ownership. Or something equally maddening.

For me, sex always came after feelings, and the one time I tried a hook-up, it backfired. For some reason, Zagan’s fixation on me made me think that he had feelings about me to resort down to this track. Why else would a man like him, who had women under his disposal to cater to his every whim, want me? But now, as I think again, the prospect of him harbouring any kind of mushy feelings that I hoped sounded ridiculous.

This way is better. This way, I know what I am getting into. Even if it would be hard to separate my feelings from physical relations, I would know upfront about what to expect from him. At least I won’t be deceived and let my heart suffer the repercussions of my horny libido.

Good.

This is good.

I mentally nod as I walk towards the chair which sits opposite him.

“On the table,” Zagan says just as my fingers brush the head of the chair.

I frown in confusion when his closed fist taps on the table once in front of him.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s either your ass on my table or my cock in your mouth. I’m winning either way, little siren and I hope you’re smart enough to back out of something you aren’t ready for. Yet.”

I learn one thing about him for sure.

Zagan does not despise talking, or at least not when he is scaring and turning me on at the same time. The carnal image he paints in my mind will take years, if not a whole lifetime, for me to purge it away.

Yet.

His promise stands clear in both of our minds. He isn’t going to push himself into my mouth now, but the promise of it coming true in the future is evident in the way his grey eyes look at me without an emotion crossing his features. I asked what it means to be his; this is his way of showing me. I give myself away— or at least my bodily inhibitions— to leap from the cliff, hoping that he would catch me.

My steps this time aren’t as sure as they were. As I circle the table, looking at his hand that is on the surface, I ask myself for the hundredth time what the hell it is that I am doing there. Am I ready to allow myself to be tied down, however long this deal goes on, with this person? I’m running away from a man like him, for god’s sake.

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