Page 4 of Rue

Sailor pulled away without a word, hurrying off the bus and up to her and her mom's apartment. She knew Davon was teasing, but she also knew he was serious about it. He’d pay to see pics of her, even now. Knowing she was pregnant. She considered it again, for the dozenth time. She’d like to think that her shitty phone wasn’t the only thing keeping her from doing it as she plugged it in, but she was afraid that it was all. Too many people had asked or hinted or suggested, even her teachers. Her Lit teacher had hinted, but her Algebra teacher had come rightout and asked.

They were pigs… but they were pigs willing to pay.

Janine told her to wear a mask or only do topless and nothing else, but Sailor couldn’t make herself do it.

Cheating, doing other people's homework, and letting them copy was easier. She could look at herself in the mirror at the end of the day.

Even though she actually couldn’t. Seeing the mirror always drew her eyes to the secret she was still trying to hide. The secret that was getting impossible to hide. She wasn’t built for hiding a pregnancy, not at all.

Sailor took a deep breath as she hovered in the kitchen, looking at her mom on the couch, half asleep. She would test this, see how noticeable it was or if she was just hyper-aware.

Chad had noticed, but she sat by him twice daily and hadn’t been vigilant next to him. He’d also apparently been looking at her the whole time, being a perv.

Pulling off her baggy button-down, she brought her mother dinner in just her tank top and uniform skirt, watching her face fearfully.

Her mother said nothing, her eyes hardly registering anything as she shakily took the plate and sat up just enough to eat.

“Feeling any better?” Sailor asked hopefully. “Did the nurse come by today?”

“Nnn… she said they’re switchin’ her for a new one,” her mother told her, her quiet words labored. “Hospice.”

Sailor sat down hard next to her mom. “She say anything else? Give a timeline?”

“Three,” her mother rasped, then Sailor helped her with her big cup and straw.

Sailor stood again, fleeing before her mother saw her tears. “I need to bring Gramma a plate, okay? Then I’m going to go by the store and get some groceries, and I’ll be home, okay? Mom? okay?”

“K,” her mother rattled, chewing loudly as she labored tobreathe around bites. Her eyes went back to the TV, dismissing Sailor, the drugs making her spacey.

Sailor grabbed her shirt, shrugging it on without buttoning it, and then left with a plate.

It was only eleven blocks to her grandmother's apartment building, and she got her tears out as she walked. The thugs outside avoided looking at her like they always did now, all of them seemingly embarrassed for her. They even went quiet and didn’t talk to each other when she walked through, watching her guardedly.

Like she might break at any moment.

Holding her chin high, she always walked through as bravely as possible but was terrified of seeing HIM again. She hadn’t, not since that night. The first and last time, but once was all that was needed.

Her grandmother was slightly better off than her mother, sitting up more but hunched over and coughing into her napkin.

“Hey Gramma! I have hamburger helper tonight!” she called as cheerfully as she could over her coughs.

“No pizza? S’Friday.” her grandmother managed after her coughing subsided.

“Not this time, sorry. It’s leftovers. I got some money today, though, and I’ll go shopping. I’ll get a pizza to make tomorrow, okay? If they’re on sale? I think they are. Anything besides pizza?”

“Ice cream.”

“No, Gramma, I told you, no dairy. It makes your cough worse!” she told her, then stood in front of her to see if her grandmother noticed her exposed belly since her shirt was still open down the front.

“Fuck the cough! At least let me die happy with food I like!”

Sailor smiled at her, then gave her her medication and turned a little more so she had a profile view.

If she noticed, she said nothing as she picked up her book to read. “Come sit with me, Sailor Rue,” she called, patting thecouch next to her, then coughing again.

“I can’t, not tonight. I need to go by the grocery store tonight, get them home, and put them away. I also have a TON of essays to do this weekend, which means pulling up what the essays are supposed to be about and all that, too. I may have made more promises than I can keep this time, but that’s okay. Not like I can sleep anyway, right?” she asked lightly.

Her grandmother had been asleep the night it happened when she’d finally made it up and in the door. She’d borrowed one of her grandmother's gowns and slept there with her, then used the little cash she’d had to take a cab home the following day. Her grandmother didn’t know what had happened, but she’d known something had.

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