Page 93 of You Cake My Breath Away

His words puncture my chest like a snake bite, venom seeping into my veins.

“Yeah, well you told me from the beginning you were leaving, so I had to figure it out myself,” I say, snarkiness coating each word.

“Guys,” Shantel chastises, eyes flitting to the server standing at the outskirts of our table. “Can we order our meal before the arguing begins? Baby wants food now.”

I give the server my order, gritting my teeth against the words I want to say. Nora is quiet across the table, the corners of her mouth downturned, hands clasped in her lap. My body aches with the tension seizing my muscles. Why did I let my walls back down? Why did I think Jessie was telling me it was okay to pursue the stupid feelings I had for his best friend? Part of me wonders if he’s up in Heaven laughing at us both, wondering how we could ever think it was a good idea to cross that line.

Dinner passes with no more words between me and Archer. He tells Nora about the job, how it starts filming next week in Knoxville, and how the network is planning to keep him on as a regular guest for their other home improvement shows and reality programs. With each new revelation, embarrassment warms my face. How could I think I’d be enough for him to want to stay here? To give up his dreams for? My shoulders droop as a picture of the little girl who was never good enough for anyone pops up inside my mind.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Archer asks, knocking his boot against the bench outside after dinner.

“For what?” I bite out.

Nora and Shantel head toward the cars, leaving us to speak in private.

“Tilly.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Please don’t do this.”

I scoff. “Do what, Archer? You’re leaving, just like I knew you always would.”

“That’s not…”

“Not what?” I ask. “The truth? Not what’s happening? Save it, Arch. I should’ve taken you at your word when you said it at the beginning instead of thinking I was enough to keep you here.” I know I should stop speaking, stop letting the word vomit spill out of me, but I can’t. “We had a good time, the sex was fantastic, but that’s all it was. A good time.”

I feel the words land on their target, and I’m immediately disgusted with myself for diminishing what happened between us to a simple ‘good time,’ but the words are already out, and I can’t force them back inside. My heart tries to remind me of the pure love that was written in his journal, but my head reminds me of all the reasons I’m not right for him. The reasons I wasn’t enough for him to fight for back then.

Before I allow my mind free reign, I shove the thoughts back into a box and square my shoulders. I’ve spent too long thinking I’m not good enough for people, and right now, all that matters is I’m good enough for me.

White clouds puff out of Archer’s mouth as he sighs. “Can you just stop for a minute—”

“Sure.” I roll my eyes and snuggle into my cardigan, bracing against the slight chill.

He holds up a finger and walks to his truck. I bounce on my heels and try to see what he’s reaching inside to grab but can’t see over his dashboard. It takes a moment, but when he shuts the door and makes it back to me, he has a large manila envelope in his hands.

“Here’s the paperwork for the bakery.”

My heart plummets, throat tightening when he places the paperwork in my hands. I open the clasp and pull out the contract. Reading is made harder by the burning tears at the backs of my eyes. My mouth is dry, palms sweaty as I shove the papers back inside the envelope. Words evade me as tears press against my eyelids, and all I can manage is a nod and a faint smile.

Archer grabs my hand and squeezes, and I feel that touch inside my chest like his hand is wrapped around my heart. He leaves me standing in front of the restaurant gutted and broken.

Chapter forty-five

Archer

Present

“Promise to call if you need anything.” Nora stands in front of my door, arms outstretched. Her gray hair is pulled back, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes more prominent now that they’re wet with tears.

“I promise.” I pull her into a hug, resting my chin on her head, the soothing scent of her rose perfume comforting me. The thought of leaving spears through me, and I imagine the ache in my chest is what a son feels like leaving his mother.

In a sense, Nora is my mother.

She’s been there for me throughout my whole life, been the source of encouragement I needed when my own parents couldn’t be bothered, and I never once doubted she loved me like her own. I don’t feel that way about my own mom, and I didn’t tell her or anyone else I was leaving because it wouldn’t matter to them anyway.

“How long will you be gone?” Shantel sniffles. “Are you going to move there permanently? Will you be home for Christmas?”

Her tears give me pause. I’m not sure if it’s because of the hormones from the baby or if she’s actually going to miss me, but I’ve never seen her so emotional.

She’s losing another brother,my conscience reminds me, causing a flame of regret to burn in my chest.

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