Page 90 of You Cake My Breath Away

I thrust my hands through my hair, agitation needling my spine. “How about the fucking truth for once?”

“It’s a memorial walk for Sebastian followed by a dinner at the club.” She collapses into the couch like telling the truth zapped every ounce of energy she had. “Dad set it up.”

My stomach is a yo-yo of emotions, anger rising and falling with each twist of the knife in my chest. “And he didn’t want me there.”

She nods. “I’m sorry. You know how he is. How he’s always been.”

I rise from the couch, intent on leaving.

“Sebastian was his pride and joy,” she reminds me.

“He’ll never stop blaming me, so why do I keep trying?”

“He doesn’t blame you.” Her wavering voice betrays her.

“We both know that’s not true.”

I head off toward the front door, but her small voice reaches into my chest and rips out my heart. “Do you blame him?”

Fury floods my system, heating my skin. “Do I blame Dad for blaming me?” I scoff. “Sounds like you’re blaming me too.”

“Arch.” She sighs. “Don’t do that.”

My shoulders tense, muscles aching with the restraint not to punch something. Sebastian hid his addiction well. Our parents were willfully ignorant, and Claire was away doing her residency, so she didn’t see the toll Dad’s expectations were taking on him. I’ve always stayed mum, kept the details of Sebastian’s last moments to myself so his reputation wasn’t tarnished, so our family name wasn’t dragged through the mud, but I can’t take the look of shame on my sister’s face.

I hang my head and lean against the marble island. “Sebastian couldn’t handle not meeting Dad’s expectations.”

Claire pads over to the doorway, arms crossed over her chest as she listens. I squeeze my jaw, hating I’m about to shatter the facade she had about our brother.

“He started taking uppers from a classmate so he could stay up studying all night.”

She shakes her head, disbelief written all over her face. “No, Seb was fine. I spoke to him a few times a week.”

“But you didn’tseehim,” I reply. “You didn’t see the blown pupils, the constant irritable attitude when he went days without sleep before his first final, or hear him talk about how worthless he felt when he didn’t ace a test and Dad gave him a stern talkin’ to.” Overcome with emotion, I slam my hand on the countertop, startling her. “You weren’t here for any of that.”

Her jaw is clenched, tears sliding down her face. “You’re lying. You just don’t understand the type of commitment and dedication it takes to be a doctor.”

The temerity of her statement leaves me gutted. “I do understand,” I reply. “I watched you and Seb run yourselves into the ground, and that’s how I knew it wasn’t for me.” I pull in my lips, debating whether or not to divulge what I’ve kept secret from her. “The night he died he asked me to go to that gas station. He went to scoredrugs. And when the dealer thought Seb shorted him, he pulled a gun. Jessie had a split second to decide who to save. Can you imagine that? Having to choose who to save between your two best friends? I’m only here because Jessie chose me, and Sebastian is gone because he chose to let the weight of Dad’s expectations take him so far down a path he couldn’t come back from.”

“Get out.” Her voice cracks as she points toward the door.

“I’m done caring about being worthy of your guys’ love. You can all go fuck yourselves.”

Pride fills my chest as I head to my truck. I’ve needed to have that conversation for years, and I only wish my mom and dad were there to witness it. No matter, I’m sure Claire will fill them in now that I’m gone.

My hands shake once I’m on the road, the adrenaline wearing away with each mile I travel. The rock I’ve thrown into the calm waters of the Wilson family will cause waves, but I hope that when everything settles Claire will finally see our parents, and herself, for who they truly are.

I never want to take my life for granted again. All the things I’ve told myself I don’t deserve, the things that would make my life complete, are within my grasp if I get out of my own way. My chest is lighter as I drive home to pack my suitcase for my flight to Knoxville. A few days away should help me clear my head and work out a plan to get Tilly back.

If she’ll have me.

Chapter forty-four

Tilly

Beeping sounds from a reversing truck pull my attention to the street out front. The delivery man hops out of the cab with a clipboard and heads to the back to open the trailer. I dust off my hands, leave the contact paper in the bakery case meet him at the door.

“I’ve got a walk-in freezer build for Archibald Wilson?” he says, flipping through his paperwork.

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