Page 86 of You Cake My Breath Away

I nod, emotions strangling my words. The taste of copper fills my mouth, and I realize I’m biting on my cheek to stem the gutted feeling wreaking havoc on my stomach. “Good.”

A few awkward moments of silence pass between us before Tilly bounces over to the table. “Ready to go dancing?”

Her smile rips my paper thin heart, and I momentarily consider forgetting everything I just said to Jessie and going after the girl of my dreams. Instead, I place my napkin on the table, and infuse my voice with a chipperness I don’t feel. “I’ve got some stuff to do in the morning, so you guys go aheadwithout me.”

I don’t miss Jessie’s nod to me, like he understands I’m accepting this as the new status-quo. I hate it, but in my heart of hearts, all that matters is that Tilly is loved and taken care of, and I know she will be with Jessie. I just have to find a way to sever the ties binding my heart to hers.

Chapter forty-two

Tilly

Archer’s leaning against the dresser, fingertips pressed into his eyes like he can’t believe I’m upset. Like it’s a surprise to him that I would’ve wanted to make my own decision about my life rather than them making it for me by him backing off and giving me the cold shoulder. My skin is flushed, stomach curling in on itself, and I can barely contain the vomit threatening. I rise from the bed and head to the door.

“It wasn’t like that, Tilly.”

I stop and turn. “Are you sure? Because to me it seems like my two friends flipped a poker chip to see who would get me, as if I was some prize to win.”

“You are a prize, damn it.” He moves from the dresser, and I retreat, back touching the door jamb. His forefinger and thumb softly grasp my chin. “You’re the most amazing woman I know. You’re funny, talented, smart, hard-working, and beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you, so yes, you are a prize.”

I rip my chin from his touch. “Then why didn’t you just tell me how you felt? Why take the choice away from me? Was I just another conquest to you? Another warm body for a good time? How could you…” I struggle not to burst into tears as my muddied, panicked thoughts collide with one another. “How could you make me believe there could’ve been something more between us when there’s been nothing but lies?”

He carves a hand through his hair. “I love you, Tilly. I have loved you since you walked past my car on campus, since you walked into the Chemistry lab with your funky clothes and space buns.” He grips his hair, a look of exasperation on his face. “And I have loved you every day since. I loved you enough to know that I wasn't what was best for you back then, that I wouldn't have been able to love you the way you deserved. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, but I won’t let you believe it was all a lie.”

Doors slam inside my head, preventing the words he’s saying from reaching my mind and heart. If he loved me, he should’ve manned up and asked me out himself. He couldn’t have treated me the way he did if I meant anything to him like he wants me to believe.

I push the emotions away and maintain an even tone to my voice. “I’ll buy you out of your lease with the landlord. Send me the bill for the months the building was empty.”

The last thing I need is to worry that the one good thing to come from this situation, my bakery, could be taken away from me. The money from Jessie’s life insurance is more than enough to cover that time, and as long as I hustle I should be fine without having to take more from the policy.

“No.” His voice is strained, the muscles in his neck and jaw taut.

I hate that I want to reach out and console him, hate that I opened my heart to the one person who’s caused me to question myself over the years, and yet I still want to kiss the hell out of him.

“Have your lawyers send me the paperworkandthe bill.”

“Not a chance, Tilly. It was supposed to be a gift.”

“You’ve already given meenoughgifts,” I grit out, shoulders heavy with sadness. “I don’t need you to take care of me. It’s over. We got it out of our system and can move on.”

He doesn’t stop me as I take off my bracelet and exit the room, but his words spear through my chest when he says, “You’llnever be out of my system.”

Suppressing the urge to look back, I go downstairs and grab my purse, leaving the warmth of the house and welcoming the brutal lick of November winds. A cauldron of pain boils in my chest, hot tears leaking down my cheeks as I start the engine and head toward home.

Home.The word sends a spear of pain through my ribcage.

I doubt it’ll ever feel like home again.

A mile down the road I have to pull over. My chest aches, tears blur my vision, and the vomit that was kept at bay comes barreling up my throat, forcing me to open the door to expel the contents of my stomach. On the dashboard, my phone continues to vibrate. I know it’s most likely Archer begging me to come back, but I can’t. I need to get as far away from here as possible.

***

I fan out the blanket I found stuffed inside my trunk and sit in front of Jessie’s gravestone, staring ahead at the words etched into the marble slab in front of me.

The wordsloving husbandstick into my heart like a hot poker, prodding at the pulverized organ in my chest. I want to laugh, want to feel something other than betrayal, but all I can think about is the letters Archer wrote to Sebastian.

After all these years, I finally understand why Archer felt indebted to Jessie. How if it wasn’t for him, Archer could’ve been the one dead on the pavement. And all of our lives would’ve been different or may not have intersected at all. Would I have still met Jessie in Chemistry class? Would he have raised his hand, like Archer did, to ask the teacher if he could be my partner? Too many emotions pelt me as I stare into the headstone, wishing I could punch it to smithereens.

They both lied to me.

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