It never comes.
There’s a thumping inside my ears, my chest, and my fingertips, but no ache accompanies it. I thought I’d break down and throw stuff against the wall, that there’d be a heaviness permanently settled on my chest, but instead there’s a quiet kind of peace that settles over me as if I was stuck in the last chapter of a book unable to bring myself to finish the story, and now I’m ready to turn the page and find out the ending.
To find my happily-ever-after.
Or at least I hope so.
I stare at the throw pillows stacked neatly where Jessie’s head laid, no longer a mountain barricading my limbs from spreading out wide on the bed. A breeze whips along my neck, and I glance at the closed window.A tugging sensation in my chest has my eyes going up, looking toward Heaven with a smile.
Thank you, I whisper, hoping Jessie can hear me.I love you, too.
There’s a lightness to my steps as I back out of the room, quietly exhaling any lingering doubt and replacing it with gratitude as I grab my keys and head to the bakery—my last gift from Jessie.
***
After calling Archer a few times to let him know about the breakthrough I had and getting his voicemail, I decided to throw myself into opening day prep. There’s nothing like menial work to take my mind off things I don’t want to deal with, like Archer going silent after the bar fiasco. Shantel and Nora find me sitting on the bakery floor surrounded by approximately three hundred small take-out boxes.
“Hey guys.”
“What’s wrong?” they ask in unison.
“Nothing,” I reply, voice a tad too high. Shantel’s eyes narrow on me as if she knows I’m lying. A beat passes where I swear she can see into my soul, and before I know it, she turns toward the door. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to kick his ass.”
“No,” I plead. “Don’t do that.”
She turns, a frown marring her face. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”
“Because he didn’t do anything.” I sigh. “It was all Deidre, and I’m giving him time to work through what happened.”
“What happened is he’s a jackass.”
“Shantel,” Nora chastises. “Let them work it out themselves.”
I give her a half smile. “What’s up? Did you need help with something?”
Shantel leans against the door, her arms crossed as she toys with the sleeve of her lace top. “We came by to see if you wanted to come have lunch with us?”
I take an inventory of the room, realizing there’s not much more I can do until the walk-in freezer arrives. With the milestone I crossed in my healing journey this morning, I deserve a treat. I consider telling them about making Jessie’s side of the bed, but I decide to keep it to myself, relishing in the pride I feel.
“Sure.” I get up from the ground and dust off my pants. “That sounds great.”
After locking up, we walk toward the main sector of The Pearl. A familiar voice steals my attention as we pass the road where Deidre’s bookstore is located. Though my mind is telling me to continue, my feet have melded to the cement. Shantel and Nora’s voices sound far off as I stare atthemwith a thumping inside my skull. Deidre shoves Archer’s notebook into his chest and gives him the finger, and his shoulders fall slack, chin touching his chest in defeat.
A pit opens in my stomach. It’s in this moment I realize the only reason I’m hurt is because I’ve fully fallen for him. The time we’ve spent together the past few weeks, the way he’s encouraged me and helped me work through my own grief, was building a firm foundation for me to fall head over heels for him.
The revelation makes my knees buckle.
“Everything okay?” Shantel asks.
My hands curl into themselves, and I force myself to nod and follow her and Nora who are headed Archer’s way. Deidre locks eyes with me, and with an unfriendly smile and an eye roll, she heads back into her store. Archer hasn’t noticed us yet, but his low shoulders and the shake of his head show me he’s upset by whatever she said. I stop myself fromgoing down the rabbit hole of jealousy. I take a deep breath and paste a smile onto my face.
“Hey,” Shantel calls to Archer.
My lungs seize and my feet slow as he turns, and his pained eyes settle on me. He rolls up his notebook and shoves it into his back pocket, greeting Nora and Shantel with a hug before he stands in front of me.
“Hi.” My voice sounds like a caged animal.