Page 36 of You Cake My Breath Away

I release a stream of air through my nose, shoulders relaxing from my neck as I nod. Staring down at my flour covered ring centers me. Jessie knew me better than anyone else, knew the things that would make me laugh and smile, and he was the best at giving gifts. The dainty marquise on my finger is a perfect example. With unlimited funds, he could’ve bought a flashy diamond, but he didn’t. He chose something that was more me than him.

He wouldn’t want me to move on with someone who didn’t cherish me the way he did. And Archer could never love me the way I deserve. He had his chance years ago, and he didn’t want it.

He didn’t want me.

The thought feels like having a musket shoved into my stomach and fired. The blow ripples through my core, tearing up everything in its path. I beat back the stupid tears pushing against the backs of my eyes and move on to the next dessert.

“We were able to get the licensing to expand into a full nail salon, and that stylist I was poaching decided to come on board,” Shantel says, clearing the awkward tension from the air.

Nora and I erupt. “Congratulations! That’s amazing news.”

“When did it happen?” I grab a bottle of wine from the fridge. “And why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

She gnaws on her bottom lip, and I grab the corkscrew. “It happened a few weeks ago, but everything kind of blew up at that Sunday dinner, so I didn’t want to ruin the moment.”

“Oh my gosh, Shantel.” I stop fiddling with the cork and stare at her. “I’m so sorry my meltdown ruined your surprise.”

She waves off my apology and grabs the wine bottle. “No apology needed. I’m glad you overheard us talking. It was about time someone told you about the bakery.”

Wine glasses filled, I pick one up and let the fruity flavors burst on my tongue. “How long has he been working on it?”

“I think they bought the building a week or two before Jessie passed,” Nora replies when Shantel takes too big of a gulp.

A sharp twist in my chest renders me breathless.

“But Archer didn’t start back working on it until the mayor told him he needed to get the shop open or forfeit the lease.”

A thought occurs to me, and I wrack my brain trying to remember certain moments from after Jessie passed. “Why wasn’t I notified of the bakery lease when Jessie’s will was read?”

“I’m not su—”

A loud blaring goes off at my neighbor’s house. For a moment I’m frozen, unable to think past the whooshing in my ears and my thumping heart. It happens every time I hear sirens, a lingering effect of going through my own tragedy. All thoughts of Archer and my dream bakery are whisked away with the cacophony of sirens and fire engines.

Chapter nineteen

Archer

Present

Dear Seb,

I am the biggest asshole on the planet. You’re probably saying, ‘I knew that years ago,’ but I finally made sure Tilly knew it too. Oh my god what did I do! Fuck! I don’t know what to do, bro. I did something, and I know if you were here, you’d punch me in the balls. I deserve it, too. Hell, I busted my knuckles trying to inflict as much pain on myself as I could.

I let a moment where Tilly was vulnerable turn into something it shouldn’t have, but the feeling of her warm body curved around mine was too tempting. She smelled like lemons. Her hair brushed against my beard when I helped her lay down the wood, and I swore I heard her moan. Like, literally moan. I tried to keep my body as far from her as possible while I helped but then she nearly collapsed, and I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arm around her stomach and pulling her into me.

Her body came alive under my touch, and her ass moved back into my territory. You remember what that’s like, right? I was instantly stiff the moment I heard her moan, but then she pressed into me hard and I lost all coherent thought. Iwantedneeded her to feel what she was doing to me.

She came to her senses much faster than I did and ran to the bathroom. It took me a few moments to situate myself and gain my bearings, but I went after her. I pressed my ear to the door, worried she was crying and trying to figure out if I should go in and console her or pretend like it never happened. But that’s not what was happening in that bathroom, bro. She moaned my name and it went directly to my dick. I was no good after that. Hell, I basically ran out of there like I was being chased by an axe murderer.

What do I do? What the hell do I do? I can’t go back into that bakery and look at her without hearing the way she moaned my name echoing through my brain. That’s Jessie’s wife. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but my cock doesn’t care. It doesn’t care that my heart twists, stabbing me through every single time I think about her, even when it’s not a sexual thought. It screams, ‘if you weren’t scared, she would’ve been yours,’ but I know it’s not true. And even if it was, she wouldn’t be available to me.

I’ve done enough damage to our relationship that there’s no way Tilly could look at me and not see all the hurt I’ve caused her. Realistically, I know her body reacted to me, not her head, but it still created a sliver of hope that she wanted me. That I hadn’t ruined any chance of making her mine. But I don’t deserve her, and even though I re-flipped your chip, it still lands on tails. You still don’t think I deserve her either.

I came home and obliterated a thirty pack over two days, leaving her to work at the bakery alone. I was too ashamed. And maybe if I keep pushing her away, like I have been since she and Jessie got together, she’ll eventually stop talking to me altogether, and it won’t hurt so much when I actually do leave.

That’s not true. It’s going to hurt like a bitch, but as with all wounds, sometimes to heal, you gotta put pressure on it and suffer through the pain. And it’ll be painful to let her go, but it’ll help me stop hurting her in the long run.

Now that I’ve confessed, I wish I could say I feel better, but you’re a terrible ghost priest. You don’t talk back, you make me talk and tell you all my secrets, but you couldn’t even trust me with yours. I wish I could say I forgive you,but I don’t. I’m still mad as hell. More at myself than you, but still a whole bunch toward you.

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