Page 89 of Ties of Starlight

Her throat was impossibly dry as she stared up at him. “Why? Why would you have asked me to marry you?”

It couldn’t be true. Because if that was true, it meant she was wrong. About him. About his love. Abouteverything.

He took her hand and pressed it to his chest, ducking his head. “Because I have been yours for years, and I wanted so desperately for you to be mine.”

Before she could even begin to try to fathom such a thing, he closed the distance between them. She gasped softly when his lips touched hers and his hands tightened at her waist as he tugged her closer.

That feeling flooded her all over again. Nyrunn was practically smothering her in its warmth even as it was cut with his frantic panic.

She didn’t push him away.

She leaned in, both to him and the feeling he was pouring out through their bond. He was right about her. She’d been so willfully blind. How could she have lived so long and not known what this was the second she’d seen it?

Idonea's hand curled into his shirt, even as her eyes flooded with tears slipping out despite how tightly she had them shut.

Everything had been screaming this at her, but she’d refused to uncover her ears to hear it. He loved her.

All this time it had been love.

But love for her had never felt like this. If this was what it was, had she ever been loved before?

“Why, you ask me,” he whispered between kisses. “Why do I want to break the cycle?” He kissed her cheek. “Why do I refuse to entertain the idea of sending you away?” He lifted her hand and kissed her palm. “Why did I marry you?” Then her pulse on her wrist. “Why did I call you beautiful and tease you? Why did I remember your favorite berry? Why did I get you new ladders? All of it so painfully simple and you so blind.”

Idonea slowly opened her eyes as his fingers intertwined with hers, his hand on her waist tightening. She breathed out, “All this time?”

He nodded and kissed her again before softly pulling back. “All this time, I have loved you, and I will love you all the days of my one life. I want to be more than just a footnote. Than an obligation. I don't want pieces of you. I want all of you. I love all of you. And I love you so much that it is killing me that I'm never going to be enough for you.”

“Nyrunn—”

He shook his head before pressing his forehead to hers, arms pulling her so there was no space between them. “I know I'm not your first love or your first husband, but I want to be your last. I want this life to be your last. I want you to have peace. Let me be the one you grow old with. Let me have the honor of being the cause of your laugh lines turning to wrinkles. Let me give you children. Let me protect you and them from anyone who would dare to use your human heritage against you. Teach me those lullabies so I can sing them with you when you rock our children to sleep.”

Idonea could see it. Their bond was screaming at her with his love and in the haze, she could picture it. Not like her memories that constantly forced their way into herhead in her nightmares. Like a dream, she could see just the faint outline of it. Of a full, long life with Nyrunn. Him pressing his palm to her stomach to feel their child kicking. Him softly singing a lullaby that hadn’t been in the air for a thousand years to the child in his arms while she watched from their bed. Sitting beside him as the whole court was gathered and his hand around hers steadying her racing heart. Dancing with him, him whispering in her ear and making her laugh with his charm and wit, deepening the lines marring her face as the years continued to pass and she got the gift to grow old.

It was everything she’d told him she’d wanted. It was everything she’d ever wanted.

His hand ran through her hair before resting on her back. He whispered, his breath brushing her cheek, “It’s yours, Idonea. Here and now, if you would just open your hands and let me give it to you. Please, love. Let me give you this life, one good life where you are loved.”

It couldn’t be so easy. There had to be a catch.

“Nyrunn, what do you want from me?”

“Can it be any clearer?” His laugh was bitter, but soft in its quiet, final desperate plea. “I want you to stop chasing the coward who doesn't want you and choose this one who does.”

“What's it all been for then? All these lives. All this pain.” Idonea's voice cracked, and her hand resting against his shoulder trembled. “If I don't end up with him, what has it all been for?”

His hand ran up and down her back. “Maybe it was to end up here.”

“I'm tired of failing.” A few more tears slipped down her cheeks.

She was tired. She was so tired of everything.

Nyrunn let go and pulled back. “And there's no world in which you can see choosing me isn't failing?”

“Nyrunn—”

“Do you love me?”

Idonea had never loved anyone who wasn't Olaug.

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