Page 86 of Ties of Starlight

“He—I—He'll be loyal when I'm someone worth being loyal to!”

Idonea's voice ripped through the air, and the second it faded, silence took its place. Her eyes finally spilled over, the tears streaking down her cheeks as she shuddered, trying and failing to hold her tears back.

Nyrunn took a slow breath, reaching out, gently brushing his palms down her arms. “What if his character has nothing to do with you? Why keep chasing him for something you could have if only you would open your eyes?”

Idonea reached up and wiped at her eyes, but she didn’t pull away. “What are you talking about?”

“Why keep yourself in this torturous cycle? You are never going to be good enough for him, and it has nothing to do with you. Why are you still so desperate to earn hisaffection when I am offering you mine freely, no expectations, no conditions?”

She shook her head. “It's not the same. You ended up as trapped in this as I was. You can call me ‘love’ all you like, but I know you’re just making the best of it. If you had the opportunity to go back and try again, wouldn't you? The chance to be free to choose a wife you want? One you love?”

“How long will you be so willfully blind? Do you enjoy saying these things to torture me?”

“What?”

“No. I would not go back and try again. I chose the wife I wanted. I have the woman I love. The problem is I love her, and she sees me as just a setback in her ultimate plans.”

Her face fell all over again, and Nyrunn cursed himself for this being how it all came out.

Her voice cracked. “I have asked you not to lie to me, Nyrunn.”

He ran his hands up her shoulders. “I'm not lying.”

“You cannot lie to me and manipulate me like this.” Idonea pulled back, stumbling away. She reached for her head. “I won't let you manipulate me into breaking the cycle because you're letting your ego and jealousy blind you. You don't love me. You're married to me, and you just hate the idea that our vows only bind us together in this life. All you care about is the fact I was someone else's before you and I will be after you. Love is not possession.”

“Then why do you call your obsessive pursuit of a man who has never wanted you and never will love?”

Would his words finally pierce her and make her see the truth?

But she just stepped back, moving for the exit. “You can't understand. You're not capable of it. I'm not breaking the cycle. I will die a thousand times. I will suffer whateveragonies I must until I finally make myself perfect and I have the love of all my lifetimes.”

Nyrunn couldn’t stop his next words.

“And how many people will you end up killing on the way?”

Idonea froze in her tracks, but the soft, choked gasp was louder than any sob or scream. Nyrunn regretted the words the instant they hit the air.

But he couldn’t take them back.

Idonea was gone.

Nyrunn sat on the edge of the bed and buried his head in his hands.

How could he ever break the hold this imaginary love had on her? Maybe it was written into her bones so deeply by the curse it was hopeless. He’d never stood a chance, had he?

Chapter 30

Idonea stayed by the fire in the camp until long after everyone but the guards on duty went to bed. She just sat on a log and stared at her clasped hands, the fire flickering just at the top of her vision when she wasn’t seeing her blood-stained hands foolishly trying to ebb the flow she’d caused.

Would she?

Would she snap and kill again? If she saw Olaug again in this life, would her savage human blood take over? Would her mind, full of too many lifetimes, shatter again? If she kept going, would it ever be possible for her to be perfect if each life stuffed into her head only unraveled her faster?

Would she hurt Nyrunn?

If he ever said the wrong thing or he finally gave up on his attempts to make their marriage more than simply an acceptable arrangement and instead finally started seeking someone who could actually love him, would she react the way she had when Olaug had?

She looked up at the stars.

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