Page 65 of Ties of Starlight

“Suffer you? I should have never let you look at that cursed letter!”

She went perfectly still.

On the edges of her mind, she could hear the echo of another voice yelling at her, belonging to a face so similar to Nyrunn’s, but it wasn’t his. He wasn’t Bror. No matter how her twisted, broken mind kept mixing them up.

He stepped back and took a long breath. “Don't use that cad's words to try and justify your argument.”

“My point is that you only stepped in to take his place because of duty. We can complete the ceremony and then go our separate ways so that you can be free to continue to do what's best for Adastra, or maybe even yourself for once.”

He was clenching his jaw so hard she expected it to shatter at any moment.

“Wouldn't you rather have the chance to have a wifeyou love than...” She stopped herself from saying anything that might be similar to what Olaug had written. She shrugged her good shoulder and gestured to herself. “Than me?”

Nyrunn’s voice was frigid even as his fury was burning through the bond. “You would have me be an adulterer.”

“No!” Idonea took a deep breath. She couldn’t let his emotions influence her, otherwise this would go south instantly. Their fights were bad enough without one feeding off the negative emotions of the other. “I mean, I'll be dead according to everyone's knowledge. And well, it's not like we've consummated the marriage. You're the king; you can have it quietly annulled if the legalities of it all concern you. Is this not the best solution for us all?”

He was silent for a moment, crossing his arms as he stared at her. She held her breath, pushing back at the flood of emotions he seemed to be trying and failing to contain on his own end.

Finally, in a quiet but cold whisper he said, “Even we elves aren't meant to have lived as long as you have. To have experienced everything you have.”

Where was he going with this?

“All of these lives have affected you in ways I cannot comprehend and your morals are so warped by it.” He took a step toward her, and she stayed perfectly still. “That you could think any honorable or decent man could just send his wife off, pretending she's dead so that he could take another, is evidence of that alone.”

Even if she wanted to move, she couldn’t.

“I know you hate me, and I even understand it more now given your past with my uncle, but when are you going to see things clearly? When are you going to see me as I am? How could you think so little of my character that I couldever entertain such a repulsive deception for my own supposed selfish gain?”

“I'm not—I wasn't trying to insult you! I'm trying to make this easier for you. I'm trying to save you from being stuck with my mess!” Idonea moved forward, not paying attention to her arm and letting out a hiss when a pang went through her shoulder at her careless motion. “I don't think little of you. If I did, I wouldn't be trying to spare you!”

“Spare me?” He scoffed. “You just want to spare yourself.”

Had he forgotten already just how her last life had ended? How his own uncle had been the one to put her down because she’d snapped?

“I want to spare Adastra from a queen who might unravel at any second because she's got too many lives in her head!” She stepped into his path. “You can't be so foolish as to believe I'd make a good queen. You could ensure Adastra has someone better, that you could have someone better at your side to help you, someone who loves you.”

He took a step closer, hand brushing over her arm, keeping it tucked to her chest. “I reject this notion of 'better.' You are my wife. And Adastra will be lucky to have you as a queen.”

Why couldn’t he see the bigger picture here?

“And what happens when my sudden tragic death catches up to me? You'll have to remarry anyway. Why try to make something work that never will?” She tried to step back slightly but he wouldn’t let her go. “Nyrunn, you don't have to do this. I want to do this for you.”

“You think I would ever let you die on my watch? Did you not hear me when I begged you not to die in my arms? Was my holding you and taking on your pain not enough toprove to you I will do whatever it takes to keep you?” He pulled her closer, and she had to catch herself on his shoulder to keep from slamming into him. “Let me make myself clear. What Ihaveto do has nothing to do with this. You are the woman I married, and I am choosing you. I am not interested in an escape clause. Nothing I have learned after our marriage has changed any of that for me. I chose to step in and I would do it again in a heartbeat. You are my wife, and I will not cast you off because you cannot see your worth.”

Idonea didn't understand. None of this made any sense to her. But she'd only been making things worse by trying to argue the point, so maybe it was for the best she leave it until he was ready to see sense.

She nodded. “Alright. If you want me to stay, I'll stay. I'll try not to make too much of a mess of things.”

And then she was pulled directly into his arms, cheek pressed to his chest as he held her, running a hand over her shoulders.

“You won’t. I'm with you. You don't have to do this alone anymore.”

She didn’t, did she?

How foreign.

She reached up, wrapping her good arm around him and breathing in the soft, sweet scent of the soap that lingered in his clothes. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Thank you.”

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