Page 64 of Ties of Starlight

Not yet at least.

“Obviously, I know you don’t knowhow.” Nyrunn shook his head and pushed off the bed, beginning to pace in front of her. “You'd have to be insane to be able to break it and continue to subject yourself to this, but what I'm saying is, we need to find a way to break it.”

He was going faster than she could follow. Where was all of this coming from? What did he care?

“What?” was all Idonea managed to sputter out.

He paused in front of her and faced her. “There has to be a way to end this cycle and free you.”

“I know that.” She forced her fingers to remain in her lap, curling them into a fist. “But I don't understand why you think you have anything to do with this.”

The second the words left her mouth she regretted them, just from the way his expression fell and a pang went through their bond. She’d meant them matter-of-factly; how could they have hurt him?

He cleared his throat, turning away for a moment. “Even if I'm not one of the ones coming back, I'm part of this now.”

She supposed that was true.

And then he looked at her. “And you certainly are.”

As though that sentence would explain why he had any interest in taking on the task of figuring out how to end this cycle.

“The only way to end it is for me to finally get it right.” And the last thing she needed was for him to start looking too closely at breaking the cycle. “There's nothing you can do.”

And she wasn't even lying.

She'd been praying this would be the time she couldend it, but she was married to someone else. She most certainly hadn't gotten this one right.

When everything was perfect and she'd finally done everything right so Olaug would love her and be faithful and they completed the ceremony, then she could end it and have her last life, the life she'd been chasing century after century.

Nyrunn wasn't a factor.

His jaw clenched and he shook his head. “We’ll see about that.”

She held her tongue on the fact that she didn't want to break the cycle. Not yet. He didn't understand her and Olaug. Clearly the attack and her saving him had just confused him about all of this.

Nothing had changed. She and Olaug were soulmates.

He didn’t love her in this life because of what she’d done in the past one. That didn’t mean he’d never loved her or that she wouldn’t be good enough for his love next time.

“I'm sorry, I really am.” Idonea pushed herself to her feet, setting her bag to the side. “But this is just how it is. I wish you hadn’t gotten tangled up in my mess.”

Nyrunn, however, started moving again, pacing as she pressed her palm to her stomach. Now he looked like he was the one physically restraining the words threatening to fall out of his mouth.

She continued, “But I'm sure we can figure out a solution for you. Really, I have been thinking about it since we got married, and now that you know... Well, I won't blame you for sending me away after we finish the ceremony and our people's magic is strengthened.”

He stopped in his tracks and whipped around, snapping, “What?”

She took a deep breath. “It's the most favorable solution for you, Adastra, and me. We all win. After the ceremony,I'll ‘die’ and everyone will believe it. I'll disappear, find some quiet corner to live the rest of this life in. That is, if I don't have some other tragic end first like I usually do, and then you can marry someone who is a much better fit to be queen, a full-blooded elf, or even someone you love.”

He could marry Lady Asa and have the perfect queen.

But each word she spoke that was meant to soothe his obvious agitation only seemed to have the opposite effect. She could feel his anger rising on the other side of the bond.

His hands were clenched into fists, almost shaking, and his voice was low and dangerous when he finally did speak. “How dare you?”

Now Idonea was utterly baffled. What was this deep fury on his end? Didn’t he understand?

She blinked. “It's not like I'm fit to be queen. You shouldn't have to suffer me because of the mess I've made of all of this.”

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