Page 38 of Ties of Starlight

He was too close. The whole point of this was to bring them closer. The bond was getting stronger with each note. It was too much.

It wasn’t just her previous life and the previous dance pounding away in her skull. Every other life. Every other dance. It was all haunting her.

Six ghosts of herself all clawed at her as she retraced their steps.

Finally, they'd made their way through every step of the dance as the music came to an end, and he lifted her one last time, but when he set her down, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest instead of an arm’s length apart like he was supposed to. He just held her tightly, fingers curling into her bodice as he leaned over her, huffing for breath as he stared down at her.

Idonea could feel his heart racing beneath her palm on his chest. She didn't look up. She would not meet his gaze.

Not when she could feel how thin and cracked her wall was and the slightest provocation would shatter it.

Whatever it was that was on his side, she didn’t want it.

“Idonea...” he breathed out, something barely restrained in his tone, something begging to come forth.

She kept staring at his chest, focusing on theglimmering threads in the fabric. She didn't want to look up to see what was in his eyes.

If it was what she feared, she did not want to know. It would not last. It would fade. The Heava Dance was meant to bring the Cometa Couple even closer together. It wasn’t real. It was just a show. He was just feeling the rush of completing the ritual. Of their bond growing stronger. It had nothing to do with her, and soon enough reality would set back in.

The magic wasn't that strong. The feeling would fade within minutes.

It had last time.

The elves' applause wasn't even enough to pull his attention away. She shifted, pushing on his chest slightly, but he just breathed out again, “Idonea, I—”

But the applause was just bringing her back to the last time. When she'd been staring at her husband with adoration and desire, thrilled they'd gotten the dance perfectly right, feeling closer to him than she ever had before in any life.

And then all she saw were her hands coated in red as they rested against Nyrunn's chest. A flicker and then they'd been pressing against Olaug as the blood kept coming.

All her fault.

She ripped herself out of Nyrunn's grip with a sharp gasp. As she stumbled back, his hands hovered in the air where they'd been clutching her before he dropped them and lowered his gaze. She turned to face the crowd, giving them a weak smile even though none of them cared.

Her head was pounding. Memory after memory banging at her skull, trying to get through. It was too much. There were too many. She had too many lives all screamingto take her place. Life after life stuffed into a mind that was only meant to hold one.

Maybe it was her vile human blood, or maybe it was her overfull mind unravelling more and more each time she came back.

The crowd was turning to celebrate, glasses being passed around, and she just hurried to get off the platform and away from the man she wasn't supposed to be here with.

She looked over her shoulder as she dove into the crowd to see Nyrunn coming after her, but Frode and an elf she'd never seen before cut into his path. Thank Gytha.

Idonea kept moving, losing herself in the crowd, trying not to look too closely at anything and failing. Around the corner to her left was where in her third life she'd been ambushed and kidnapped by Moon Elves to be held until the comet had passed and the ceremonies failed. The memories of what they’d done to her were better off buried as well.

She turned on her heel and wove through the crowd. To her left now was the spot where in her fourth life an elf with an eighth of human blood had given Idonea a poisoned glass of wine in the hopes she might be able to take Idonea's place. Idonea had survived, barely. The human blood had made the poison less potent so Idonea had been able to finish the ceremony. She'd been weak and bedridden for the next decade before passing away.

Idonea didn't have good memories of the ruins no matter what life it was.

She was focused solely on avoiding Nyrunn until he came to his senses when someone bumped into her and she was gasping as her hands and chest were soaked in red and the front of her dress was stained.

“Lady Idonea, I didn't see you—”

But Idonea couldn't hear anything else. Her wall shattered.

“Lady Inga, I didn't see you there!”

“Inga, I can explain—”

Her own voice filled her head.“Explain? How can you possibly explain this? How could you? Again?”

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