Page 34 of Ties of Starlight

What answer did she want from him?

Nyrunn took a deep breath. “I'm their king. They have to listen to me. And you are going to be their queen. I don't care what examples I must make of them, I will in order to ensure they honor your position.”

She gaped at him, her next question coming out in a rough, hoarse noise.“Why?”

If only she knew… but she couldn’t. It would only make this mess worse.

“I told you. It's my job to protect you.”

There came that look on her face again. She was desperatelyholding something back, and he wished she would just say it, but then it was gone.

“All you do is stoke ire against yourself. You're still young and unestablished, you should not make enemies of your own court, you shouldn't—” Idonea's voice cut off as she looked down.

“I shouldn't what?”

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself. She whispered, “You shouldn't have a half-elf as queen.”

He stared at her for a moment. The thought was… It was ridiculous since he'd been hoping to have one for years now. Hoping to haveher.

Instead, all he could say was a plain, dry, “We're married.”

Idonea snorted. “I'm aware. Just... I'm not... I'm not supposed to be queen. That's not—It's never... Gytha's chosen has never also been queen.”

Where was she going with this? It certainly was historic, but it wasn’t illegal or against any of the rules for the ritual. “And?”

Idonea sank onto the bed, burying her head in her hands. “It's wrong. All of this is so, sowrong.”

So... maybe that was the answer to his first question. Even with peaceable, Idonea still thought their marriage was horrifically wrong.

He took a few slow, hesitant steps toward her.

Then she looked up, tears in her eyes. “Have you found him? Have you heard anything?”

He shook his head. He had a few men following leads but no updates. Not about Olaug. Frode had been keeping him apprised on any sightings of Moon Elves within their borders.

She took a shuddering breath and whispered, “This is it then. This is what it's going to be like. This is my life.”

It was things like that that baffled him. The way she said it made her sound like she was thousands of years old.

Her broken whisper tore through him. “How am I going to get through this?”

Her ice-blue eyes were spilling over, and he fought every urge in his body to gather her into his arms. It wouldn’t end well. He had to do this right or he’d lose all his progress. He had to meet her where she was.

He sat next to her, his hand brushing hers, startling her into looking up at him. “I know this isn't what you wanted... I know I'm not what you want.”

As much as he wished with every beat of his heart otherwise, he had to be honest with himself.

He curled his hand around hers. “But I'm here—wanted or not, you have me. You're not in this alone.”

She shook her head, but she didn't rip her hand away immediately at least. “I can't get it right. I've never gotten anything right. All I'm going to do is mess this up further.”

That just wasn't true. Almost everything she did she got right due to her obsession with perfection. Even her little mistakes or oversights were charming. They didn’t ruin anything. They made her real when he was surrounded by the illusion of perfection.

Perfect didn’t exist.

“I'm going to mess this up again.” She returned his grip, squeezing his hand tightly. “I'm going to fail our people before the comet even appears.”

“Look at me,” Nyrunn spoke softly, but she didn't even seem to hear him, just staring down at her lap. He reached over, gently running his fingers along her jaw and turning her head to face him. “You're going to see, tomorrow when we reach the ruins and perform the Heava Dance, there is nothing for you to fear. This is not like the last attempt. We are different people, and this is a different life. I won't letanything go wrong tomorrow. And after that? You are more capable than you know. As for being queen? There are few who are qualified, and you are one of them. You will have me, every step of the way, I will be with you.”

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