Page 38 of Puck of the Irish

“Not right now, Nat. Please.” I pull my arm away and run a hand through my hair. “I don’t want a pity fuck and I don’t want you making a decision based on this insane situation that’s got everyone all keyed up.” I sigh and look up again, feeling weary down to my bones. I need sleep. I need to believe that everything will be fine. I need to stop seeing Connor shot and possibly fucking dying on the floor in front of me every time I close my eyes. I keep having nightmares, each one slightly different—sometimes we don’t make it in time; sometimes we get there in time towatchShep get shot; other times, it isn’t Shep at all, but Nat with the bullet sailing towards her. Those are the worst—but all leave me gasping for breath when I wake tangled in my sheets, covered in sweat with my heart racing.

She holds my gaze. I didn’t mean for it to sound harsh or anything, but it’s the truth. I don’t want her to suddenly decide she wants to give us a real go just because she’s having alife is shortmoment. If and when she gets over whatever made her bolt from my apartment that night, I want it to be because she actually wants it. After a few minutes of studying me, she finally nods, and I think there’s a bit of respect in her eyes.

“Alright,” she says, giving me a small smile. My lips curl in return and something in my chest unclenches for the first timein weeks. Mac comes back from her shower then, toweling her hair.

“Thanks, y’all. God, I needed that.”

“You really did. You were starting to get a little ripe, Mac.” She rolls her eyes and Nat snorts.

“Of course, Hads,” Nat says, getting up from the table. “Can we do anything else to help for tonight?”

“Nah, I think we’re good. Things are finally settling down a bit around here, so we should be all set.” Nat wraps Hattie in a tight hug and when she steps away, I do the same. She squeezes me tight and I kiss her on the head.

“Call me if you need anything. I can be here in five minutes.”

“I will. Thanks, Rizz. And tell Lance thank you for me. He’s been amazing through all of this.”

Nat and I head through the living room towards the front door, but I stop by the couch on the way.

I lean down and whisper, “I know you’re awake, you asshole. Stop eavesdropping.” He grins but keeps his eyes shut to maintain his innocence. I slap him gently on the shoulder. “See ya later, bud.”

Once outside, Nat turns to me, eyes filled with determination. I quirk a brow, wondering where this is going.

“What you said in there, about us not just jumping back into bed or whatever because of everything that’s happened?” I nod. “You’re right.”

“Well, I usually am,” I say with a smirk and a smile curls her lips even as she shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“Ya know what, I’ve suddenly changed my mind about what I was going to say…”

I hold up my hands in surrender.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Please continue.”

“So, I think you’re right, but…well…” She sighs heavily. “I miss my fucking friend, Rizz.” My chest twists. As much as Iwant more with Nat, I really miss the way things used to be between us too. I miss sending each other stupid memes. I miss laughing at inside jokes so hard that it makes everyone else around us annoyed as hell. I miss venting after a hard game or when I feel like I’m fucking up. I miss her telling me like it is even when I might not want to hear it. I miss her. I miss us.

“I miss you too, Nat. A lot.”

“So, I have a proposition.”

“Oh now you know I love a good proposition.” She huffs out a laugh.

“Why don’t we focus on being friends again—realfriends, the way we were. None of the fake bullshit we’ve both been pulling lately.” I can’t help but smile. Guess neither of us was really doing a great job of fooling the other one. She fiddles with her key ring while she waits for my answer. Is she really worried that I’ll say no? That I can’t go back to being friends now? Sure, I still want more than friendship, want it so badly that it actually startled me when I first really let myself think about it, but if I can’t have that, I’ll take the next best thing and that’s having her back in my corner again.And maybe things will change from there…

“I think that a true friend would want to come help me unpack a bunch of boxes. I’ve been really fucking slacking. We can order pizza and I have plenty of beer in the fridge.” The tension eases out of her shoulders and she smiles, a real, full smile that I haven’t seen in too long.

“Throw in cheesy bread and you’ve got yourself a deal, Thirst Trap.”

Hours later, we’ve pretty much given up on unpacking and are lounging in the living room surrounded by bubble wrap and stacks of random shit. She’s laying on her stomach on the rug in front of the fire and thumbing through an old yearbook.

“Oh my God, you were so tiny!” she exclaims, giggling as she stares at the team photo from my freshman year. “You had to have weighed like eighty pounds soaking wet here.”

“I hit my growth spurt late, alright,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck, but smiling. She laughs lightly, turning pages and looking more relaxed than I’ve seen her in a while. Her phone buzzes—again. It’s like the tenth time in the last hour. Every time, she glances at her screen, clenches her jaw, and puts the phone away without answering.

“So, who are we avoiding?” I ask. I prepare myself for it to be another guy. I can handle that. Probably. She sits up and leans her back against the couch opposite the one I’m on.

“My dad,” she says with a sigh, surprising me. Nat hardly ever talks about her family. “We got in a big fight the other day. The day everything happened with Hattie and Shep actually. I’d just stormed out of the restaurant when I got your call.”

“Do you wanna tell me what the fight was about?”

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