Page 37 of Puck of the Irish

“This little game has run its course, Natalie.”

“This isn’t a game.” I feel like we keep having the same damn conversation over and over. I grit my teeth. He isn’t the only one fighting for composure here. And I have a feeling I’m going to lose. “This isn’t me acting out. This isn’t me trying to get attention. This isn’t even me rebelling just to piss you off like that summer in Sydney. This is my fuckinglife,the one I’m choosing for myself after all these years. And I happen to really,really love it. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you accept it?”Why can’t you accept me for who I am?

And it’s like a lightbulb goes off. That’s the crux of all of this, why this hurts so damn much. Him refusing to accept my life as-is means that he doesn’t acceptmeas-is. He wants to change who I am. My heart cracks and my nose burns with tears, both of pain and anger.

Dad slams his hand down on the table, rattling the silverware and making me flinch. A waiter does an immediate about-face to go hide in the kitchen instead of refilling our water glasses.Smart man. Other patrons glance our way a little uncomfortably, but neither dad nor I give two shits what they think.

“Because this is ridiculous, Natalie! You are more than this. You’rebetterthan this. Working for a hockey team? Come on, you can’t be serious. Your place has always been in the company with me, to continue on our family business”

“I don’t want the family business, damn it! I don’t want the legacy. I don’t want any of it! Why the fuck do you think I changed my last name, dad?” He grinds his teeth in irritation. My choice to abandon his name for mom’s has always been a sensitive subject, but I don’t care right now.

“Haven’t you gotten over it yet?” he spits and, to his credit, I can tell he immediately regrets it.

“Haven’t I gotten overmy mother suddenly dyingand my entire world slamming into a sharp, ugly clarity revealing how fuckingmiserableI was? Is that what you mean?” I ask slowly. I glare daggers at him, hot, angry tears flooding my vision. “I might just need a little longer on that, dad.” I stand and throw my napkin on the table before storming out of the place without anI love you. For the first time ever, there’s no I love you.

Before I even make it to my car, my phone is buzzing. I pull it out of my pocket and see Rizzo’s name, and while part ofme wants to talk to him about everything I’m feeling right now so badly it actually kind of surprises me, the other part doesn’t want to talk to anybody about jack shit. I just want to go curl up on my couch and binge watchSupernaturaland ugly cry for hours. But I answer all the same, because I know just hearing his voice will make me feel a fraction better.

“Hey, Rizz, look now’s not a good time ok, I?—”

“Nat, you need to get to the hospital right now.” The panic in his voice makes me freeze in my tracks, my blood turning to ice and everything with my dad vanishing into the background.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you ok??” Why the fuck is he in the hospital?

“The short of it is Mac’s crazy fucking ex found her.”

“Oh my God,” I breathe, terror gripping me. She’d told me about Josh and even though I don’t think she told me even half of the gory details, she told me enough to know that the guy was a legitimate psycho. Like stalking her and prone to outbursts of violence kind of psycho. She had to move half way across the country basically in secret to get away from him.And he found her.Oh God, oh God, oh God.

“She’s ok, mostly, but…ah fuck, Shep was shot, Nat. I don’t know…I can’t…” I can hear him spiraling and my heart twists painfully. It makes me snap out of my frozen stupor. I need to help him. I need to check on Hattie. I need to be there for Shep.Please let him be ok. Please, please, please.

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Sixteen

RIZZO

“Stop.Fucking. Doing. This. To. Me. You. Asshole,” I snap at Shep, punctuating each word with a punch to the arm without the gunshot wound in it.

Gunshot.

My best friend was fuckingshot. I still can’t quite wrap my head around it. The past forty-eight hours are a blur of flashing lights, police reports, waiting rooms, and some of the greatest terror I’ve ever known. He chuckles lightly and grabs the front of my shirt, pulling me in for a somewhat awkward, one-armed hug.

“I love you too,” he says, voice rough. I let out a long, long,longbreath, one I feel like I’ve been holding since the minute he called me as he raced to Hattie’s place that day. I’d immediately called Lance, one of my buddies with Seattle PD to bring in the calvary, and made like a bat out of hell for Mac’s house myself. I pulled up just after Rand, the head of security at the arena, and, as stupid as it was, we both ran right inside. The scene was like something out of one of those crime shows or maybe evena horror movie. I shudder now even thinking about it: Connor collapsing to the floor, covered in blood; Hattie screaming over him; a psycho lying a few feet away with a giant gash in his side, crimson pooling all around him. I’m not even ashamed to say that I was hoping he was dead. He wasn’t, but he’s locked up tight and from what I hear, he’s staying that way for a good long while.

I finally pull away and sit on the side of the bed.

“Can we maybe make it like a New Year’s Resolution or something for you tonotend up in the hospital next year? That would be fucking great.” He huffs out a laugh, wincing a bit. The bullet went straight through and by some miracle, the damage was minimal. He’ll be out for a bit, but he’ll make a full recovery and be back on the ice in no time, all things considered.

“I’ll see what I can do.” We share a smile that says way more than words ever could and that tight fist strangling my heart over these past few days finally eases the fuck off.

He gets released the next day and even though I’m right around the corner now, I practically live at his place for the next week, helping with Ollie and trying to keep the circus at bay. Pretty much everyone in the whole damn organization ends up here at one point or another. The guy is well-loved that’s for damn sure.

Right now, it’s just me and Nat on Shep Watch while Mac takes a much-deserved shower and Ollie is having a play date with a friend from school. Mac has barely left Shep’s side since he came home and I can’t say that I blame her. I can’t even imagine being in that situation. Theybothcould have been killed and the thought makes my chest feel cold and hollow. If it had been Nat in trouble like that…I force the thought away, afraid to even think it.

“It makes you think about how quickly things can change, doesn’t it?” Nat whispers now. We sit at the kitchen table while Shep naps on the couch.

“It does,” I agree. She reaches over and places a hand on my forearm, holding my gaze. I can see the wheels turning and as much as I want it, I don’t want it like this. I know she’s gotta be freaked out and this whole brush with death is probably bringing up memories of the sudden loss of her mom, but I don’t want that to be the reason she agrees to give this another shot.

“Rizzo, I…I mean, we…”

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