Page 31 of Puck of the Irish

“Wow, so now I’m a cheating asshole, too? Thanks for that.” I can see the irritation setting over him, the relaxed contentment we were just sharing quickly fading. And I don’t blame him. That was probably a low blow and I have no reason to believe he’d do that, but I don’t know what the hell is going on or why I’m freaking out right now and saying shit that I shouldn’t. I keep saying that he can’t do monogamy or commitment, but hell,maybe it’sme. Maybe I’m the one who can’t handle this or is too scared to even try.

“And can you maybe stop telling me whatIthink or feel?” he adds, his voice harder than I’ve ever heard it. He rises from the bed and yanks up a pair of sweats from the floor, pulling them on. I head out into the living room, hating that I’m about to have to do the angry walk of shame in my stupid lingerie and coat, but here we are. It’s not like I thought to bring a change of clothes with me when I came up with this brilliant plan.

I tug on my boyshorts and bra, looking around for my boots when he comes into the room behind me.

“Nat, what hell is going on? Why are you being like this?”

“I don’t know,” I mutter honestly, dropping to my knees beside the couch to tug out one boot from beneath it. He walks over and holds out the other one to me and I take it, tugging them both on and lacing them up. He isn’t trying to stop me—not that I blame him. I’m acting like a mental case right now, even I can see it. I just completely flipped the switch for no real reason—but he watches with his arms crossed over his bare chest, jaw clenching and unclenching.

“Is it the other girls? I can be done with all that, Nat. I haven’t hooked up with anyone else since our first night together anyway, hand to God. I haven’t evenwantedto.”

“Let’s just forget about it all, ok? We had fun, the sex was great, and we’re still friends. Let’s just quit while we’re ahead. For real this time, Rizzo.” He clenches his jaw.

“Back to Rizzo now?” He eyes me when I stand and pick up my coat, and shakes his head in irritation or annoyance or hurt—or a combination of all three. I don’t answer, so he goes on. “That’s really what you want?”

No.

“Yes.”

He grinds his teeth but nods.

“Alright, if that’s what you want. No more hook ups. Back to just being friends.”

I finish buttoning my coat and toss my hair up into a messy bun. I hold his gaze and clench my hands into fists when the back of my nose burns with tears.

“It’s for the best. Trust me.”

“Whatever you say, Nat.” The look on his face makes my chest twist painfully and a voice in the back of my head is screaming at me to knock it the fuck off and chill out, but I can’t.

I sigh, knowing that I’ve ruined everything, but I hope after a couple of days, we’ll be able to figure out how to just be friends again. I don’t want to lose that. Ican’tlose that. I understand now why Hattie is so scared to tell Shep how she really feels. She’s too afraid to take a chance and possibly lose her best friend, one of the most important people in her life.

And that’s how I feel about AJ Rizzo. He’s somehow become one of my favorite people on the planet in just a few short months. When I see some stupid gif or meme online, I immediately want to send it to him. When I’m annoyed, he’s the person I want to vent to. When I’m lounging around on a random Sunday afternoon, he’s the one I want beside me on the couch, hogging the cover and stealing all the popcorn. When I’m sick, he’s the one I want taking care of me, just like he had the other day. I squeeze my eyes shut and force all of the thoughts to quiet.

“Bye, Thirst Trap,” I say quietly from the door, turning away quickly so he can’t see the tears starting to fall.

Fourteen

RIZZO

“Where do you want this one?”Shep asks, pointing to another box. The movers delivered all my stuff and had offered to unpack everything for me, but I’d been in such a shit mood after that night with Nat, I’d declined and all but kicked them out. I’d tipped them all extremely well, so hopefully they weren’t too disgruntled over my less than sunny disposition.

“I don’t care,” I say, rubbing my eyes and leaning my arms on the kitchen island.

“Dude, what is your deal? Are you having buyer’s remorse or something?”

“What? No, it’s not that. I love the house.” I really do. It feels like home in a way that the apartment never did. I had to actually buy furniture, of course, but with Mac’s help, it turned out to be fun and I got stuff I actually like. Part of me had wished it was Nat with me the entire time we were shopping, but I’d told that part to shut the fuck up and stop being stupid. I don’t know why she’d flipped the script so effectively in a matter of seconds that night, but neither of us have been ready to go right back to beingfriends and acting like nothing happened yet. We will, of course. We’re both adults and both of us are perfectly capable of moving on, but I, at least, need a little time first.

“Then I’m assuming it has to do with a certain blonde-haired, gray-eyed girl we know?”

I groan and he laughs, heading to the fridge and grabbing a couple of beers. He walks into the living room and slumps down into one of my new leather chairs, grimacing ever so slightly at his broken rib. He holds one of the bottles out into the air in my direction. I roll my eyes but head over and snatch the bottle before throwing myself dramatically into the other chair.

“So, what’s up?”

“I don’t even fucking know, man.” I tell him about the other night, how everything had been great and then Nat just did a complete one-eighty. I really didn’t think knowing she was the only woman to ever be in my apartment would be upsetting. Hell, I thought it would make herhappy, actually. I really don’t understand women for shit, apparently.

I take another long sip of beer, glancing around the living room and to the view out the back windows. All the hassle of moving is one thousand percent worth it for this, to finally feel like I’m where I belong. I’m ignoring the little voice in the back of my head saying that I wish I wasn’t here alone…

“I thoughtIwas the one who had a commitment phobia, but it sure as shit seems like she does too.”

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