Page 30 of Puck of the Irish

“Hmm?”

“Before, while we were…you kept saying AJ instead of Rizzo.” I turn my head to look at him. “I liked it,” he says quietly, almost like it’s a confession. For whatever reason, ever since that phone call with his parents, he’s been AJ in my head. It’s like some secret that I only know and it makes me stupidly happy. I hadn’t really realized I’d said it out loud though.

“Well, I guess I took you up on your offer then,” I say with a sleepy grin. “To scream it while you did certain unholy things with that tongue of yours.” He chuckles and my eyes start to feel heavy. I could absolutely fall asleep right here in his arms, in his bed, which is a terrible idea, so I force them open and push up onto my forearms, looking around the room.

“You ready for the big move?” I ask, spying all the boxes lining the walls.

“As I’ll ever be, I guess. Movers come tomorrow actually. So, good timing. You might have surprised some other random person in lingerie and a trench coat if you’d waited until tomorrow night.”

“That would have been one hell of a welcome to the building.” He laughs lightly. “But you’re excited? For the new house, I mean. Not so much the actual act of moving and unpacking, that part is never fun. The pictures are gorgeous.” It’s around the corner from Shep’s place in their gated community, but out therearound the cornermeans a couple of miles. Those lots are huge, each one ten plus acres, and the one he found is on theplusside of that for sure. The house isn’t ostentatious or ridiculous, and I think it actually fits his personality much better than this place. It’s like a modern hunting lodge, if that’s a thing, with a pool house, separate four car garage for all his toys, and an apartment above that. He joked that it’s going to be Ollie’s place for when she gets older and wants to run away from Shep’s house.

“Yeah, I really am. I love the house and I really love all the space. I haven’t lived in a house in my entire adult life, can you believe that?”

“Really?”

“Yep. Went from the dorms in college to all apartments from there. They were just easier. No upkeep or anything to worry about.” He sifts my hair through his fingers and I want to purr like a cat.

“So why now?”

He shrugs. “According to Shep, I’mmaturing.” He says it like it’s the worst thing in the world and I snort. He smiles and sighs. “I think he’s right though. Not completely, of course, but I don’t know, I’m kind of tired of…” He waves his hand in the air, seeming to encompass the apartment but also his life in general. Does that include the random hook ups? I don’t know that I can believe he’d ever be ready to be done with all of that…no matter how much I might want it to be true.

“Well, I should get a prize or something, shouldn’t I?”

“For that miraculous blow job? Absolutely, baby. Prizes, trophies, medals. Sonnets written in your honor. Ships named for you. Ballads—” I jab him in the side, making him jerk away with a cute little squeal that makes me tilt my head, momentarily distracted. I perk up and he looks worried.

“Are youticklish, AJ?”

“Don’t even think about it, Nat. I mean it,” he warns, holding out his hands in an attempt to stop me from leaping on top of him. It doesn’t work. I straddle him and grab his side again, and he starts laughing uncontrollably.

“St-stop…I…c-can’t breathe…Nat!” I giggle and then he shifts, moving so that I’m pinned beneath him. “That was entirely uncalled for,” he says, breathless.

“I will be telling the entire team your little secret,” I tell him with a grin. He swoops down and kisses me and I’m once again reminded how much fucking fun I have with him.

“So why do you deserve a trophy?” he asks, smiling and shifting so that he’s lying beside me, head dropped up on his upturned hand.

“I meant,” I say eyeing him, “for being the last hook up in the apartment. The end of a very epic era.” I say it lightly, teasing. I’m not jealous of his previous hook ups or anything—there would be no reason to be—but a small part of me wonders if he’s comparing me to them all in the back of his head, or thinking about one of them when he’s with me.

His expression turns a bit more serious. He reaches over and brushes my hair from my face, cupping my cheek.

“Nat, you’re the only girl that’s ever been here.” I blink, brow furrowing.

“What?”

“I never bring girls here. We go to their place or a hotel or…well, I’m not above public spaces, we’ll just say that. But not asingle one has ever come to this apartment. It’s why Jerry was so shocked that first night when I told him to drivehere.”

He stares at me with something I can’t name—or maybe I can, but I’m scared to, scared to hope that it’s what I think it is—and the weight of what he’s saying really settles over me.

And suddenly, I need to leave. I don’t think he can mean it the way I think he does, or the way I want him to, or the way he may even believe he does. I sit up and gently push his hand away. He frowns slightly and I search for my underwear, only to realize that it’s still in the living room. We hadn’t made it very far earlier before everything had been stripped off in a frenzy. I leap from the bed as if it’s electrified, not really understanding the panic rising in my chest, the walls slowly closing around my heart.

“I should get going,” I say, trying to keep my voice calm and even.

“It’s late, Nat. Why don’t you just?—”

“I can’t, AJ.” I say, feeling like I might cry or like my heart might burst through my chest. “I don’t know what this is, but you don’t mean it, not really. I know you and I know that you don’t want…this,” I say gesturing between us. “Not for anything more than what we just did.”

“That’s not true,” he says, sitting up and sounding upset.

“It is. You might think you want to try dating or whatever, but I know you’d end up regretting it and you’d resent me for being the one to make you do it and you’d probably end up cheating on me in the end and?—”

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