Page 61 of Hold On

“Bash,” she says a little more forcefully. I will myself to shake my head, coming out of my paralysis.

“Someone coming up behind me makes me feel like my dad is about to punk my ass,” I finally get out as more tears fall from my eyes. As soon as I voice my fear, I’m able to release Alina. She doesn’t move right away. I feel terrible about hurting her. But she doesn’t even seem phased as she talks me through it.

“I can see how this position would be very triggering for that trauma,” she says quietly. The kid inside me is so happy to be seen. But I’m honestly feelingtooseen. It’s a lot. Part of me wants to hide, for this to end. But I know I have to endure this pain if I want to put it behind me. And Lina is by my side, guiding me gently in a way I know I don’t deserve but am happy to be receiving.

Her hands start to trace circles on my back again, so I lean into it like she coached me from before. And this time, when she tells me she’s getting off the bed, I don’t have a severe reaction. Feeling her standing behind me is still uncomfortable, but I canmanage it. Her fingers begin to trail those lazy circles over my lower back and hips. She doesn’t touch my actual ass yet, which I’m grateful for. I need a couple more minutes to breathe. And by the time she does ask to touch me there, she’s waited long enough for me to feel ok with it.

She begins to pet the outside of my cheeks and as she swoops her fingers towards the center of my legs, she gets closer to my hole each time. The first time she actually touches it, I wince and rip my hips away from her. “Talk to me, Bash,” she just softly encourages and before I know it, I’m shaking again.

“I-I don’t know exactly. I’m just seeing images from my tour bus… Maybe a window. Like it’s upside down.I don’tknow,” I word vomit in an anxious rush. She soothes me by drooping herself over my back.

“I’m right here,” she whispers softly. I take a deep breath.

“I just remember thinking that whatever it was inside of my body… it should’ve hurt me, but I was too fucked up to register pain,” I sob, a fucking mess. Lina holds my hips fiercely, grounding me as I come undone.

“Who hurt you?” she asks faintly, and I sob harder.

“I don’t know, Alina!!” I yell, my voice unrecognizable in its shrill state. She pets my back as I thrash beneath her in agony. She takes every fucking cry and curse I throw her way. I fist the sheets and blankets as I break down. She stands her ground firmly, holding me silently, allowing me to fully implode. She never asks me to be something other than who I am while I self-destruct in her arms. She just lets it happen and I’m fucking forever hers in a more intimate way because of it.

Ten minutes later, she’s back at my hole. I’ve finally chilled out enough for her to move forward. She’s rubbing me and I’m bucking my hips into the mattress, moaning like I was before, but now it’s centered around my pleasure, not some hidden act from my past dredging up repressed pain and suffering. Whenshe grabs lube and douses me to the point of it running down my inner thighs, I burrow further into the bed, trying to make sure she has easier access,wantingto be used by her. Because I know she’s using me because she loves me. She’s proving that every fucking second she liberates me from this trauma. I want this and I want it to happen. I open my mind and my heart to Alina.

Her finger presses into me, stretching me in more ways than just physically. I’m not sure what to think. It feels strange and new. I don’t hate it, but it’s unfamiliar. “Goddammit, Sebastian. You take my finger so fucking well, baby,” she purrs graciously. Oh boy, I like it. Ilikeher praise. I buck up into her hand, feeling her finger slide into me further as she laughs, resting her other hand on my cheek before spreading it, my ass parting a little more for her eyes. “Playing games with me, Cox?” she asks in a husky voice. A zing of arousal shoots through my dick as she presses into me with more force.

“Fuck, Lina!” I yell as she bites my ass before pressing into me harder. I’m being fucked and spread before her, at her leisure. I can tell she’s loving the power she’s thriving in. Her fingernails dig into the meat of my ass as she pulls her other finger free, then thrusts it forward again.

I’m seeing fucking stars.

They’re falling all around me.

“Ready for more?” she ventures as I nod yes quickly. My hole widens around her added finger. I pant heavily into the sheets by my face. “That’s it, Sebastian,” she coos like an angel. I throw my hips back into her hand in a frenzy. Something feral is being unleashed inside of me. “You like being fucked by me, don’t you, fuck doll?” That fucking unravels me. I’m gasping for breath, fisting my dick and pumping ithardas she pumps her fingers into me. “That’s it, baby!!” she shouts. I jerk off quicker to her praise. She shoves her hand forward and holds it there as she massages something sensitive as fuck inside me. I stiffen aroundher, her fingers making me moan in a way I’ve never heard come from my mouth before. “That’s the male G-spot,” she informs me, my dick leaking happily over my knuckles as I squeeze it in my fist. “I own you with this pleasure point, Bash baby.” She owns me anyway, but fuck me, she has me at her mercy while she bears down on that fucking spot in my ass. She bites my shoulder blade as I yelp in satisfied pain. She smacks my ass cheek with her free hand and bites it again as I growl deeply. It bursts out of my chest and through my mouth, filling the room around us.

Alina pours more lube over me as she massages me tenderly, working my ass, my thighs, my lower back and my hole. Everything feels incredible and extremely intimate. By the time I feel the cool metal of the plug against my body, I’m ready.

I nod and she pushes.

I grab myself and beat off as she inserts it into me. I gasp for breath, the sensation of being full so alive in my body. I have a whole new respect for the woman standing behind me, knowing she’s had to endure this feeling against her will. When sex is consensual, it’s a beautiful thing. But having it forced upon you takes that beauty and turns it into shame. Something we both know. I hate that for myself, but I hate it for my girl even more. Alina never should’ve had to survive the way she has. If I ever find her father, I’m killing him too. He’s on my list right under Luke’s fucked face.

We’re still for a minute as Alina allows me to gain my bearings. Her hands are resting on my lower back, her thumbs tracing lazy circles around my hip bones.

“How does it feel?” she asks softly. I breathe through a wave a panic before answering, knowing it’s just the newness of the situation causing me to be anxious.

“Different,” I answer honestly. “But… I’m ok… I’m ok with you here, Lina Girl.”

“You’re safe, baby. I’m right here,” she repeats for me, and I love her for it. It fills my heart with warmth and confidence. It makes me feel like I can do fucking anything as long as I have her by my side

“Do I get to fuck you too?” I ask from the mattress, still bent over for her. She smiles as she nods her head yes at me.

“We get to be each other’s fuck dolls tonight,” she savagely responds and crawls on the bed next to me. “The power is back in your hands, Bash Cox.”

Alina:

He looks so fucking hot, sprawled on the bed next to me with a plug inside of him. I hover over him, my knees on the mattress as I slap his cheek, making him laugh. I peek at the purple heart sitting pretty in the middle of his perfect ass. I nudge it with my finger, pushing it towards his prostate so he lurches. “Wow. Still not used to that,” he says faintly as I turn back to him.

“Thank you for trusting me, Bash.”

He slowly rises up from the bed, offering me his hand. I take it and join him, standing on the carpet as he kisses me deeply, stroking my tongue with his. I reach around behind him and toy with the heart as he moans into my mouth. I feel a tingle of joy spread through me, knowing how good I’m making him feel.

“I’m starting to get it,” he says with a dangerous look in his eye. He suddenly fists my hair in his fingers, his confidence back, power surging through him. “Get on your knees and suck me off, fuck doll.” He bites at my neck and an immediate sting shocks me back into being submissive. I clasp my hands behind my back, dropping to my knees before him. I open my mouth wide as he shoves himself inside me. “Goddammit, that fucking skirt is killing me,” he says as he bucks into my face, moaning morethan he ever has when we’ve fucked before this. “Holy fuck,thisplug,” he grits out as I whimper around his cock in response.

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