Page 38 of Hold On

She rolls her eyes, then she clears her throat.

“Whatever. And to answer your earlier question, I’m not sure I know where my house key is.”

Alina:

I remember locking up my house, but between the high school and stripping my clothing off multiple times last night, I don’t know if it stayed in my sweatpants or not.

Talking about all this with Bash is making me nervous, but we have to do it. I promised myself a better life. Luke’s standing in the way of that dream right now.

“Let me look around,” Bash says as I move from his lap, instantly missing him and watch as he searches my clothing and the surrounding area beside and beneath the bed.

I furrow my brow as he comes up with nothing.

“Could’ve fallen out at the school,” I quietly offer. He grabs his hair with one hand, looking cute as hell.

“Fuck, you’re right. I just couldn’t keep myself off of you,” he says with a wink. I roll my eyes playfully.

“Or my clothes on,” I snicker. “I wasn’t complaining,” I reply with a soft smile. His face falls.

“Should we go back to the high school? It’s right by your house.” I shake my head no.

“It’s the beginning of the week. Only Tuesday. School is in session,” I respond. I begin to twitch as Bash watches curiously. I sigh, saying what I really need to. “I need to get my purse from the bar. I left it there the day you and I fled together.” He stiffens. I sense his instant irritation, hence the reason I didn’t want to say anything.

“Ah,” is all he replies. I refuse to look at him while he refuses to say more. Silence falls over us like a thick blanket. I’m internally dying of shame. It feels like a world away, but the reality of the situation is that Bash pulled Albert off of me only two nights ago. I’ve been fucking living in an alternate reality, but this just made it all so much more real. “Well. How are we doing this then?”

“What do you mean?” I ask him as he sighs heavily.

“I don’t like the idea of you going in there alone, but I also know they know my face and that joining you isn’t an option. What’s the likelihood of Luke being there at this time?” he asks in a tone that makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. I shrug, feeling stupid.

“It’s fifty, fifty. He’s honestly all over the place so we aren’t able to pinpoint him as easily as we would like to. He saysit keeps us on our toes and doing our fucking job,” I answer hollowly. Bash shudders and sucks his teeth, grabbing at the bag of things we got from the club the night before. He pops a weed gummy into his mouth, running his hands through his hair again nervously before sitting on the love seat by the entrance. The distance is definitely personal as I shrink on the bed alone.

“Fine. Let’s get your fucking purse. Maybe you can get some information while you’re there. Do you have access to everyone’s payroll or know who does?” he asks. I nod.

“I’m long-time friends with the older woman who does the books. She has a similar situation to me, but instead of her father, she’s paying off her late husband’s debt,” I reply. “She can get me anything you need.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with so I can get you back here,” Bash says anxiously as he scrubs his hands down his face. I feel bad about making him nervous, but if I’m being honest, it feels so nice to have someone,anyone, give a fucking damn about me. Even if the anger is being directed at me because of it.

“Look. It’s going to look worse if I never show my face and just leave my purse there until Friday,” I add. “I never do that. I always take my things, and my keys are right there inside of it if anyone pokes around. Luke will be extra suspicious. He’s already on the lookout for signs of me slipping.”

“Who would be looking?” Bash asks skeptically as he crosses his arms. I want to reach out to him, feeling vulnerable and needy, but flashes of Luke in my head make me pull back into myself. I hate that he’s coming between us.

“Someone is always looking, Bash. I’d be surprised if the cash I made the other day and left in there is still in my wallet when I get it back,” I sigh. “It’s not like the people I work with are bad. They just want an out too and that usually means competing for money.”

“Jesus,” he mumbles, looking at me sadly. “Lina Girl. The sooner this is over with, the sooner I can breathe again.” Him and me, both.

I nod my head, not really knowing what to say. I’ve been doing this for so long, I forgot the toll it took on normal people.

*****

Sebastian:

Alina is fucking fidgeting as we approach the bar and park around the back down the street. I’m not saying much. I hate this idea, but there isn’t really another choice. I do agree with her that the longer she waits to show her face, the more likely it’ll be that Luke will go poking his nose into things. I’m on too short of a time frame to get this ball rolling for that to happen.

I turn the car off, waiting to see if she has anything to say. She doesn’t. But when she looks at me, her eyes are screaming all the words she can’t speak. I grab her neck and pull her to me, holding her tightly. Everything in my body is pleading at me not to let her go. It’s the last thing I want to do. I cling to her, just wanting to fuck her forever until we both die peacefully in each other’s arms. I don’t think that’s too much to fucking ask for.

She goes to pull away, but my fingers won't let go. I can’t. That’d be stupid. The last time I did, I found her the next day covered in old puke and blood. How fucking dumb would I be to repeat that shit?

“You can’t go,” I suddenly cry. She sighs and tries to push away, but I repeatedly tell her no as tears plague my eyes.

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