Page 25 of Hold On

Sebastian:

She’s choosing me.

Well, she’s choosing herself first and foremost, despite what she’s just said. She has to pick herself to even choose me. Her will to live has been re-ignited and it’s the most gorgeous look she’s ever worn, especially beneath the sea of bruises Luke left upon her delicate face.

But I’m included in that decision, and it makes my heart beat erratically with anxious hope. I’ve been wanting and wishing to hear those fucking words for years and here they finally are. I let them wash over me for a few minutes, unable to say anything. Alina begins to stir next to me, her leg starting to shake beneath my palm. I can tell she thinks I’m rejecting her.

“Lina Girl,” I whisper and her face jerks to mine instantly, desperation mixed into her look of need. “I want you too. Forever and always, you’re my girl. My ride or die. The one who’s always been there for me. Healed every fucking wound, physical or unseen. Baby, it’s always been fucking you.” Her weight crashes into my right arm as she plummets into my body. I scoop her face into the crook of my elbow. I can hear her crying as she squeezes my bicep, clinging to me. “You’re safe, baby. He’s never fucking touching you again, ok?”

“I wish I believed you, but I’m terrified, Bash,” she sobs out truthfully.

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to prevent this all from happening. But we’re going to end this shit together. I promise you, Lina Girl.” She nods as she cuddles me closer. She’ssqueezing the fuck out of my arm, but I’m ok with that. It’s never close enough when I’m holding this woman.

“How can you be so happy to help me when I just abandoned you back in high school?” she asks quietly. I can feel the weight of her question. She’s wondering if she’s being set up. What’s in it for me versus what she has to give to achieve the outcome she’s hoping for.

“I used to think that. But you didn’t exactly have an option. Your priority was your family, which was falling apart at the time. I did need you, Lina Girl. Butyouneeded you too. And sometimes we have to realize we can’t be everything that someone else needs us to be. We have to find a little bit of that strength within when others aren’t available to us like we’d expect or hope for,” I tell her. “I was angry for a long time. Especially with the lack of explanation on your end. But… I went on to perform like I had always dreamed of. So, who’s to say you didn’t help me exactly as I needed you to? Besides, Alina. You had already saved my life. Who was I to ask for more from you?”

“What are you even talking about, Bash?” She pushes herself off of me to watch my face as she waits for an explanation.

“Look, I want to have this conversation with you. I’ll tell you everything. I just don’t want to be driving,” I respond. She nods softly.

“Ok. Where are we going anyway?” she questions, looking through the darkness around us. “Oh, my god. Are you driving to the high school?” Her face is dreamy as she looks at me from the shadows.

“Yeah,” I answer as she squeals a little bit. The sound makes my dick throb with need. “I need to get us a blunt wrap though.” She grins excitedly.

“You artists are always the nostalgic types,” she teases me as I laugh.

“We feel deeply. That’s why we’re the ones crying on stage for ugly amounts of money,” I joke.

“No one does it like you, baby,” she gushes as she looks at me with adoration. So many fans over the years have looked at me with similar expressions, but none ever punched me straight in the heart like Alina. Her gorgeous green eyes are sparkling with true love and affection. Love for the boy she knew back then and the man who’s recently re-entered her life now. Nothing but genuine energy exudes from her body. Not like the other bitches and groupies. There was always something they wanted from me. An introduction. Studio sessions. Face time with my manager, Keith. A listen to their demo. My fucking cock.

Alina wantsme. Every fucked up part.

Nothing more.

Well, maybe a few renditions of our favorite songs from when we were kids. Something I’m happily willing to give her anytime.

“I love you, Lina Girl,” I whisper to her as she melts into me further.

“I’m so in love with you, Sebastian Cox,” she replies breathlessly. We enter the parking lot of a gas station. It takes me a few minutes to run inside to buy the blunt wrap for us. I hand it to Alina when I get back inside the car, who grins while snatching it from my fingers. I shake my head with a soft laugh, then set off towards the school.

Alina:

The night is quiet, calm and cool as we exit Bash’s car. He walks to my side and opens the door for me, brushing his lips against my temple and sending my stomach fluttering. Every time he touches me, I feel the same sensation form in my lower belly that I felt all those years ago. Bash makes mefeelagain.Before he came back, that same feeling was only driven by anxiety due to Luke. Something I dealt with constantly, dreading every moment of my shitty life. Now I get to spend those same moments with Sebastian, making it absolutely worth it to see my life through. Not just for him, but for me as well.

I curl up into his side, his warmth like a blanket. “What do you say, Lina Girl? Should we find the old detention room and see if it’s changed at all?”

“I think it’s only right that we do,” I answer back as we interlace our fingers together and set off towards the portable building that used to hold detention. It was located in the older part of the school that felt about as accepted as the students who used to frequent it. Kids like Bash, who were outcasts and didn’t fit the pretty high school narrative. He spent most of his time in that section of the campus.

There aren’t as many lights as we head further back towards the other end of the school by the baseball fields. We spy the building where we met, making me crack a genuine smile. I can’t help but feel one of those zings that I did on that day when I first talked to Bash. The unfamiliar and exciting new feeling that kept flinging itself through my stomach. How I couldn’t stop squeezing my legs together as he strummed his guitar and easily smirked at me.

“Wow. They didn’t even bother to lock it,” Bash mutters as he twists the handle on the door, cracking it open to look inside. “Watch your step, Lina Girl. It seems to be more of a storage room now than a classroom.” He’s not wrong as I enter, stacks upon stacks of plastic chairs and discarded, broken desks littering the floor. It knocks the wind out of me. How useless this room now seems when it had been everything to me before. It was where we met. And now it’s nothing more than a holding tank for junk.

“Is it sad that I feel like this is symbolic of our lives now?” I ask disheartened. Bash sucks his teeth before he answers me.

“We are not just sitting around, waiting for people to use or fix us, Lina Girl. We’re loaded with potential, whether we understand that now or not.” His words make me feel a little better as he grabs my hand and leads us further into the room. There’s still a larger desk at the head of the classroom that we choose to sit at. Bash uses the big chair, looking like an out of place music teacher as I curl up on the top of the desk, off to his left, legs crossed. I watch him place all the utensils for our blunt upon the old, unpolished wood.

It feels like my eighteenth birthday all over again and for the first time in a really long time, I truly relax and allow my guard to drop. Although he doesn’t look at me, Bash pauses when I feel the energy shift inside myself, as though he does too. “Goodgirl, baby,” he mumbles, my heart exploding at his praise. “I’ve got you, Lina Girl.”

---