Page 54 of Hold On

What does that say about me and where I come from?

Chapter Thirty - Now

Alina:

We’re finally leaving my house. I’m feeling so much lighter as Bash pulls out of the driveway. I keep my eyes trained on the broken coffee table on the sidewalk as I come to the conclusion that I never want to come back here again. It’s no longer my home. I’ll find someplace else to live when this is all over.

I look at Bash, his handsome profile in the dark illuminated by the streetlights around him. I love him so fucking much, it hurts. It doesn’t make sense to me. How a love like this could exist. But it does and I’m not letting anyone take it away from me again. Fromus. Especially someone like Luke, who deserves to rot in an unmarked grave. I grab Bash’s hand and lace my fingers through his, a smile on my bruised lips. He’s my fucking heart outside of my body.

“Any idea where we’re going?” he asks with a mischievous look on his face as I shake my head, smirking back at him. His tears have finally dried and he’s looking less anxious as we put distance between us and my house. I feel the tension disappear, breathing easier. I remind myself I’m allowed to be happy and take up space, like I told Bash. Because it’s true.

I turn on the radio and clap when Three Days Grace cuts through the silence. I turn it up happily as Bash and I instantly start singing together. His hand squeezes mine gently, his laughter falling out of his mouth with ease. To witness this beauty is so fucking worth the pain we’ve been through. He is literally so alive when he’s singing. His smile iscontagious.

I know why he was candy to the public eye and why they fucking ate him alive. Bash was already vulnerable, and fame poisoned him. Well, maybe the poison had been administered early on by his father, but fame made it fester, and he began to rot from the inside out. He’s never been bad at his core though, despite what the tabloids want the public to think. He was just unloved and abused and didn’t know until it was too late that it wasn’t his fault.

At least he’s figuring that out now. And so am I. We’re helping each other remember our worth.

I’m barely paying attention to where he’s driving us. I’m so focused on his handsome face that it takes me a minute to realize he’s parked his car. When he stares at me for a while without us crashing, a lightbulb finally goes off in my head. “Where are we?” I ask as I look out the window to see neon lights glittering through the windshield. “No. Fucking.Way!!!” I scream as Bash smirks.

“I knew I did good, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it,” he teases as he exits the car and comes to open my door. I’m thrown back in time to the quiet, mysterious eighteen-year-old Bash who opened my door for me constantly in high school. It’s hard to breathe for a minute as we look one another over shyly. There are so many sparks flying between us.

“This feels like a fun adventure,” I say, softly biting my bottom lip. He levels me with a dark stare.

“Oh, it is, Lina Girl.” He pulls me out of the car. “Never been inside this one, but I’ve seen it before. You?”

“Oh, I frequent this place.” It’s meant to be a joke, but it feels dirty when it comes out. Because the reasons I frequent this place have more to do with my clients’ needs than my own. I regret saying it instantly. It must show on my face because Bash grabs my cheeks and pulls me into him.

“Never with me. That’s what matters now, right?” I nod silently, scared he’s just saying it to try and make me feel better without really meaning it. But the smile he gives me is so beautiful and genuine, small and… trusting. He’s really trying. And it makes me relax as I stare into his blue eyes.

“You’ve always been the only thing that mattered, Bash.” It’s not a lie. Even after years went by, his memory always got me through the times I thought would kill me. “Did you think of me? While touring?” I whisper. I’d always hoped even with all the time between us that I’d been on his mind like he lived inside mine.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Lina Girl? You’re the only thing that helped me get through it all. Every thought of you was so vital to my survival. The people around me changed so often, I stopped opening up to anyone. I used to cry at night, just wishing I had you to talk to again. Because no one has ever let me exist as me or listened like you do. Especially on tour.” His eyes are watery as they reflect the lights of the sex store in front of us. It feels like our own kind of romantic.

“I want to be with you, Bash. For the rest of our lives,” I say quickly before I can overthink it. Before I scare myself into shutting up. I just want to be honest with him. This is Bash, not Luke and I get to do that with Sebastian. My life with Luke is all about lies. Lying to make money. Lying to myself about not wanting more. Lying to get people off, particularly my pimp. Lying to myself about what I deserve and how I should be treated by everyone around me. And lying that I want to die. I don’t want to die and being with Bash again is making me realize that. I just want my pain to end and my life to revolve around me, not Luke and his demands.

“I’m never letting you go again, Alina fucking Timber,” he says as he kisses me, parting my lips and dipping his tongue into my mouth with urgency.

“Make me Alina Cox,” I blurt out, my heart hammering dangerously. Bash’s hand fists the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls so my face angles up to his. His eyes darken with arousal as he turns it to the side, licking up the length of my neck along my pulse. I shiver beneath his tongue, my lashes fluttering.

“I’ll propose to you among the blood of our shared enemy, Lina Girl,” he promises. I know he means every word. I grab his dick through his pants, squeezing him as he snaps his jaw at me. I growl back savagely.

“It’s a fucking date.” Sucking his teeth, he holds my neck within both of his hands. Nuzzling my nose, he grows within my fingers. “Are we going to make it inside?” I ask innocently. He shakes his head no with a sexy smirk.

“Not at this rate,” he laughs before stepping back, rubbing his hard-on. “Give me a second,” he says, making me giggle.

“This is liketheonearea your boner wouldn’t be out of place,” I tease while he considers it, flipping himself up inside his pants. I lunge at him, wanting to touch his gorgeous cock. But he refuses me, telling me I have to wait until we get home.

Until we get home. Those words sound so fucking good together. My ears ring when they hear it, a zing shooting up through my stomach. My home is with Bash and always has been.

“C’mon,” he says as he pulls my hand, leading us towards the door where we enter the sex store.

“Why,hello,” a seductive voice calls from the counter. I race over to my friend Violet, who’s currently working. She has dark hair and bangs that end in a V. She’s one of those chicks that rocks the vintage, pin-up girl style. “Who the fuck is this?” she asks quickly. “I mean, I know who the fuck thisis, but why ishehere withyou?” I bite my lip as Bash absentmindedly looks around the storefront.

“Long fucking story,” I say, shooing her off, making her cock a brow as a small smirk forms on her blood-red lips.

“I’m sure it is.” She returns to her box of takeout noodles and slurps them loudly as she intently watches Bash. He eyes her wearily, then turns to me for help. I saunter away, an idea quickly forming in my head. He can handle Violet. He’s used to groupies. “You’re Sebastian Cox. I’m Vy,” she says in a sultry tone. I hear him suck on his teeth.

“Nice to meet you. I see you already know my girl,” he smoothly responds. Violet’s laugh fills the shop.

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