Page 45 of Hold On

“I’m afraid you’ll just blame me for what popped up,” I admit in a whisper. Bash sighs heavily, hanging his forehead over mine.

“Ihavedone that. A lot. I’m so sorry, baby.” His eyes are filled with his own tears as he looks at me. “I’m sorry I made you feel unsafe.” I can tell he’s being genuine, so I nod in response as he patiently waits for me to continue.

“He licked the blood off my nose when he hurt me the other night,” I finally reply. Bash stiffens on top of me, looking away for a second while clenching his jaw. He’s so angry. I can physically feel it rolling off of him. But he shakes his head, pushing back his roiling emotions as he returns his gaze to mine.

“How’d that make you feel?” he asks quietly. I shake my head gently, feeling like a fucking idiot.

“Like a morbid ice cream cone from someone’s fucking nightmare,” I say honestly as he smirks a little at my analogy.

“That’s quite a picture, Lina Girl.” His voice is strained with hurt. I know he wishes he could take it all away, just like I wish I could do the same for him and the memories that haunt him. “How can I help you right now?” he asks me tenderly.

“Make me feel good,” I whisper without needing to think and he nods at me.

“Ok,” he replies quietly, looking deeply into my eyes. “I’ll make you feel good if you promise to tell me all the memories that resurface so we can face them together while I do.”

I look away. “That’s a really personal request, Bash.” I don’t like it. He nods.

“I know. I promise to do the same though. If something comes up, I’ll tell you what it is so I can free myself of it,” he says, leveling me with a serious stare. “We’re in this together. Let’s do this together.” I can’t imagine doing something like this with anyone else. Bash is so brave as he looks at me and waits for me to answer him. I want to be brave too. So, I finally nod my head yes. He smiles at me.

“I’m gonna take my clothes off now, Lina Girl. Is that ok?”

I nod, once more missing him as soon as he leaves my body to get undressed. He pulls his sweatshirt off by grabbing it from behind his shoulders, freeing himself of it in one easy motion. His tattooed chest is broad and strong as he bares it for me, watching my eyes as he grabs for his pants next. He throws everything to the floor, pulling his socks off last before climbing back on top of me.

This time he settles his hips onto mine, his steeled cock poking up into my clit. He rests his chest over my breasts, running his fingers lightly down my arms before lifting them above my head and lacing them into mine. They interlock as we breathe with each other, taking up space together. I don’t speak.I don’t ask for anything because I know he’ll already deliver upon making me feel good. And I trust him. Whatever he offers me tonight will be enough to mend a fraction of my broken heart so I can keep moving forward.

“Close your eyes, Alina,” he whispers. I do as he commands. It’s dark, and I’m scared, but I feel Bash all around me. His fingers flex and grip mine harder as he begins to rock his powerful hips against mine. Each time he presses up into me, the head of his cock presses into the head of my clit, causing my breath to hitch. The stars I’m seeing behind closed lids soon disappear and tiger stripes replace them. I whimper pathetically, but Bash is on it. “Tell me, Lina Girl. Whatever you’re fucking seeing,” he coaxes me as I cry out.

“Tiger stripes!” I admit.

My fingers clench his in fear as he nuzzles my neck and licks at my pulse. He bares more weight upon me as he presses his cock up into my clit. I melt into him as he nods his head and kisses me gently. He rests his forehead upon my own and continues with his circles. I’m growing wet below him as my arousal begins to seep between our bodies.

My fear fades as his hips work to erase my flashback. I take a deep breath, feeling lighter as he tenses up on top of me. My eyes meet his fearful ones. I nod gently to let him know I’m listening.

“My dad, coming at me, throwing his beer bottle at my head to try and hurt me. Slow me down so he could beat the fuck out of me. I was getting away,” Bash whispers as I cry for his pain, bucking my hips up into his. He hisses as I grind with purpose against his dick. I lick his jaw, his nose, his lips, kissing away the painful memory and trying to implant myself over it. His breathing finally slows again as he circles his body into mine. A couple minutes pass as we work together as one, bearing each other’s trauma and replacing it with pleasure. But the silencebreaks when I spasm below him. He waits for my confession patiently.

“The first time I was raped, Luke laughed at me. He thought I was kidding. Then he got mad at me and told me that it was my fault. That I obviously wasn’t complying with the client’s demands and that he would always side with them over me.”

Sebastian:

It rips my heart out. Her confession.Her pain. The things she’s been through at the hands of thatfuckhead.

“The first time?” I echo hollowly as she cries, nodding, allowing my weight to be her comfort. I remove my hands from hers and pull her into me, holding her by the back of her head as she drenches my neck with her former trauma. It brings up a memory of my own.

“I once cried in front of my dad because my only friend from school died, and he punched me in the face. He said emotional pain wasn’t real, but being hit was. When I told my mom, she just smiled and said that he was hungry because she had been late with dinner.” Alina squeezes me in her arms. Her cum coats my cock as she and I hump each other into submission. Her hips work faster as we use each other to forget the bullshit we’ve dredged up. Alina pants hard as her clit becomes more sensitive. She frees one of her legs and throws it around my hip, allowing the head of my dick to hit her clit with more force. Her eyes roll back into her head at the new sensation, her mouth parted momentarily with a silent gasp.

“That night I patched you up in the shed made me lose sleep for months,” she admits brokenly. I instantly crumble, my tears finally coming out full force. I grit my teeth in emotional pain, forcing my dick to the entrance of her pussy. I look into her eyes as I sob uncontrollably.

“Ineverforgave myself for bringing you there that fucking night and I never will.” I push into herhard. Knowing we both need this. She welcomes it with a groan, gripping the back of my neck with her fingernails. I hit it rough for a few strokes as we angrily fuck the pain away fromthatnight. It feels fucking cathartic as we buck into each other savagely. “This shed is my apology for that stupid fucking night, Lina Girl.” I pound her cunt, her titties flying up into her chin as she looks into my eyes, a new darkness there I’m not expecting.

“I wanted to kill your dad that night,” she whispers harshly. “I thought about it while sitting in that shed.”

I’m stunned by her confession. I devour her lips and buck into her hips to show my appreciation. I can’t believe my fucking Lina Girl had been so protective of me. She sighs and slows her body, so I respond by doing the same. I search her face, listening intently. “I also wanted to kill myself. After my brother died. I felt so empty. I’ll never forgive myself for abandoning you either, Bash. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. Let alone the boy who deserved the world. I had nothing left to offer you. I was broken. So fucking hollow. And then you finally made it big with your music. I knew you always would though, and I was so fuckinghappyfor you. When Luke shot my life to hell, the only thing that got me through at all at first was the thought that I had done you a favor by leaving all those years ago. To see where we had both ended up… I was always a burden.”

I just let the tears fall as I stare at her, fucking dumbfounded, because I don’t know what to say. The fact that she had no idea how fucking special she was to me…It blows my mind. But I also realize that we can’t make others see themselves as we see them. And we were both so young and fucked up for different reasons. “Why don’t we both forgive ourselves for the things we think are unforgivable?” I suggest softly as she looksdeep into my eyes. “I think we’ve been carrying this shit for way too fucking long.”

“Please,” she begs as she fucks me tenderly, moving her hips over my dick in the way that onlyshecan. I sink into her and fuck her hard, stroking her pussy for all she’s worth while she lies below me and gratefully takes it. I run the pad of my thumb over her lips and press it against her mouth. She opens, her tongue licking at me lovingly.

“I don’t give a fuck about touring anymore. Being here with you is what I want. It’s all that matters to me. We can do whatever the hell we want to once we kill that motherfucker, Lina Girl. I’m gonna fuck you all over the world and you’ll never have to worry about Luke hurting you or anyone else ever again.”

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