Page 52 of The Spotlight Effect

The way Grayson looked at me is burned into my memory like a tattoo. It won’t go away, and I can’t stop thinking about it. The way he looked at me makes me think he is capable of falling in love again. It makes me wish he would love me but then again, I should never think that.

He’s just a boy but I can’t help but think about his crystal gray-blue eyes. They are gray, expanding into a very light blue on the outside. They captivate me almost every time I see them and can’t look away. Which never happens and I don’t want it to start now.

Then there’s Griffin. He's in prison, so why did I see him? More like imagine him. All these years of therapywill notgo to waste now only to have everyone say I’m crazy, then I have to go back on antipsychotics for PTSD.

I get out of bed to wash my face and brush my teeth before heading downstairs to the kitchen. I slip on my Crocs and try not to think about what happened last night as I walk in and see everyone.

I find my mom just where I thought she would be, making breakfast. Lia is sitting at the table, waiting for her food. I don’t remember much after throwing up. My memory kind of blacked out after that.

I glance between the two of them before I sit down at the table as Mom brings over our food. “Good morning, Lex, how did you sleep?” Mom asks.

“Fine,” I croak out. I sound more anxious than I planned on sounding. I begin to spin the anxiety ring Grayson gave me, the cool metal running over the pad of my finger feels nice. To know it’s his feels nice. So nice, I want to throw up.

I look down at the bacon and avocado toast my mom put in front of me. “You look like you need this,” Mom says, sitting a cup of tea in front of me.

“Thanks.” I smile at her. She kisses my head in return.

“I’ll be getting ready, girls, and then we’ll head to set. Yay!” Mom says, pumping her hand up to the ceiling. She's excited to be going back, I think she loves Hollywood.

“Never do that again,” Lia tells her as Mom walks out of the kitchen with a plate of her own.

“I’m worried, we both are. You said you sawhim,”Lia says, leaning into the table as if someone was listening to us.

“I did,” I state. I twist the ring faster as my breath gets faster.

“You couldn’t have. He's gone, Alexia. For good, it was your nerves, imagination,” Lia says, picking her toast. Tears start to form as the anger rises in me.

“I’m. Not. Imagining it. I saw him! I saw Griffin!” I’m shaking now. I’m getting too worked up.

Calm breaths.

Turn the ring.

Focus on the ring.

I inwardly try to calm myself as my emotions take over. “Take them,” Lia demands, holding my pill bottle in front of me. I haven’t taken these in weeks. My doctor said I could come off them, since I was stable enough but if any major slip-ups came, I’d be back on them. This is a major slip-up. I look up at her with teary eyes and snatch the bottle out of her hand before storming off to my room.

It’s not fair. Why am I the only one fucked up over this? It happened years ago, and I’m stuck with PTSD. No wonder I never get out of the situationship phase. I’m pathetic and traumatized. No one wants to love that.

I open the bottle and take one of the pills. I swallow it whole, at this point it’s numbing. I’m used to getting down one of these small blue pills.

My room door opens, and I look up to see my mom walk in and take a seat beside me. “Lia told me what happened,” Mom says.

“Figures,” I reply. Big-mouthed ass.

“She did it because she cares, we all know you are a little more affected by what Griffin did than we are,” Mom says, pulling me into a side hug.

“Stop. I took the medicine. Can we forget this happened?” I say and get up, pulling myself out of the hug and going into the bathroom. I don’t want to talk about this, not right now, not today, not ever. I slipped up. I should have known I could never last long without the meds.

My family is complicated. I guess that’s why I can relate to Grayson so much. My parents have never abused or used me before, but something did happen, and my dad betrayed us.

Filming is boring today.I'm mostly filming scenes alone, since my character is locked away in a tower this whole season. At least I don’t have to really talk to anyone because I honestly don’t feel like talking today much anyways. I filmed one flashback scene where I’m dressed in a cheer uniform and all I have to do is walk down the hall and look at Grayson and he bumps into Noah’s character. After that, I just got fitted for the final costumes I’ll be wearing.

Right now, it is about lunchtime so I slip on my purple Converse, so I can go out and get food.

They got catering for Subway today.

“Hey, are you ready for lunch?” Emerson asks from the doorway of my dressing room.

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