Page 15 of The Spotlight Effect

“You know, that’s how crushes start,” Raven says in a high-pitched voice while poking me.

“I don’t get crushes,” I tell her.

“Gray, that poor little frozen heart of yours is saying otherwise,” Raven says and pats my chest before leaving.

“She’s shorter than I expected,” I say, not really aiming for a response or Kenan to be listening, but I know he is listening.

He’s the nosiest, quiet person ever.

“She’s five feet even,” Kenan states.

“How do you know?” I ask, giving him a curious look.

“Asked. Considering I’m six foot even and she was well at ground level, I was curious,” Kenan explains. I’m like a whole foot taller than her.

“Let’s go, we have sound check,” I say, trying to change the subject and move on.

Today was notmy best rehearsal day, but almost everyone looked over my mess-ups because the new song I wrote was great.

“Decent job, guys, I want it together by the show so go eat some dinner then come back and practice till you get it right,” Austin says, standing up from his chair. I sit my guitar down and lay down on the stage. I don’t even wanna look over at my dad; I know he’s disappointed and he’s going to say something when I have to get in the car with him.

“What the hell today, Gray?” Shawn asks, standing over me. I know if he’s asking what was going on, I was not playing good.

“He’s a little distracted,” Raven says, nodding her head over to Alexia. I wipe my hand over my face then blow out a ton of air.

“I was not,” I try to defend myself.

“Sure, ‘cause staring at her the whole time wasnotdistracting,” Charlie says, joining me, sitting crisscross on the floor.

“I wasn’t staring,” I say.

“You better get it together because she will be sitting in the same place at the show,” Raven says.

“I have an idea,” Shawn says.

“Which is?” I ask. Not that I need the advice. I’m fine.

“So, when Zara first came and saw a show, I was really nervous and so whenever I was performing, I would just try and not focus on her by focusing on her,” Shawn says.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard,” Raven says.

“I think I get it. Okay, if he starts thinking of her long enough, he may get comfortable and then, without knowing it, move on,” Kenan says.

“I’ll try that,” I tell them. I stand up and prepare myself to be in the car with my dad. I know he doesn’t want some nice father-and-son lunch. He's only taking me to lunch to yell at me, but free food is free food.

Being in the car with my dad has been awkward since I saw him fucking Lena when he was married to my mom but today, I could cut the tension with a knife. “Never let a girl get to you,” Dad states.

“Yes, sir,” I reply.

“You have to do better. You need to do better, and you have a partnership with Castify. You will design seven phone cases with them starting soon,” Dad states.

Of course I can do better. It’s always do better with him. I made a hit song. Do better. Get signed to the best record company. Do better. Get a lead role in a Hayden movie. Do better. Next, he’ll be telling me to breathe better. God, I wanna move out fully so bad but it’d hurt Beatrix, and I can’t leave her alone with dad like that. He’d probably try and keep her from me if I did move out completely.

So I’m stuck.

On the way to lunch, Kenan’s comment ran through my mind. I’m not one to think about love or anything but I wonder. Could there be a girl out there? I feel like I’m way too much to handle. I’m not an open person, I find it hard to trust someone, love someone. When you love someone, they can hurt you. If someone falls in love with me, I’d consider it to be a miracle.

Maybe my miracle will be someone loving me in life.

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