Page 109 of The Spotlight Effect

“Consider it a sign,” she says.

“Of what?”

“That you have a good one.”

The dark roomnever ended around me.I looked around the room, not knowing where I was or how far I was supposed to be walking into the abyss.

“Hello!” I called out. Nothing but my voice echoed back. The anxiety in me started to rise and I played with the hem of the soft dress I was wearing.

“Alexia,” a voice said. The voice sent chills down my spine. My breath quickened as Griffin's voice hit my ears.

“Why are you here?” I asked. I frantically turned around, looking to see if he was around me, but there was nothing. It was like just his voice was closing in on me and the black void started to get hotter around me.

“You brought me here. This is your head,” Griffin replied.

My head? I did this? But I didn’t want him here.

A body materialized in front of me and Griffin stood in front of me with my cheer medals around his neck. “Did you think your silly competitions would get me out of your head or even writing your songs? I will always be here,” he hissed, walking closer. Every step he took seemed so much larger than every step I took back, and the black void was closing in, leaving me nowhere to run.

He was right. I’ve tried so hard to get over everything but even with my distractions, he was still in my head.

Griffin grabbed my shoulders, holding me tight. I felt like it could end now.

“Alexia.”Faith nudges me. I turn toward her, noticing everyone is paying attention to what our coach is talking about. It is the end of competition season so he is going over what will happen next. Some of the seniors are moving up levels and some are retiring. Faith is retiring and going to travel for the summer and then become a tattoo apprentice.

“If you all could separate from re-trying out and retiring?” he asks and everyone begins to stand up and separate. I have to make a big decision now. I either stay or I might be packing up my life and moving to California.

“Alexia?” Faith calls back to me, looking worried. In a split second, I’m standing up and following her to the retired side.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” This is my choice now. I feel like I’m subconsciously making decisions that are sending me closer and closer to LA, but I don’t know. Do I really want to move across the country? Living here is all I know butthisis my dream, and I could have it all.

“Okay, cheerleaders. If you are retiring, we will have a meeting another time, so goodnight, see you at the end-of-season party, returning cheerleader. Let’s go over the tryout packet. Come get one.” The thirteen of us leaving the team all gather our items and wave at the other team members before leaving. Sadness takes over me as I get my things together and look around the gym. I’ve cheered here for years, and I honestly never imagined myself stopping and now I am. It’s hard.

I turn away before I can start to cry and exit the building. I refuse to cry in front of everyone. “Are you busy tonight?” Faith asks, I turn around to face her and shake my head. “Good, can I come over?”

“Sure.”

“Great, I’m gonna shower first and text you when I’m coming.”

“Sounds cool.” Faith heads to her beetle, which is parked right beside my car, and I get inside mine. I toss my cheer bag to the side and let out a breath. My eyes begin to sting as I know the tears are going to come soon.

This is such a big thing for me. Cheer has helped me when I couldn’t write music, when I couldn’t talk, I could come to the gym and tumble it out. I’ve had a job teaching younger girls small routines and skills. This is what I’ve been doing since I was five and now, I think I’m going to stop. Sure, there are teams in LA, but I wouldn’t have the time to truly dedicate myself to it.

I back out of the parking lot and head home so I can shower and try to forget about my sadness. Although this would make a good song. A song about moving on from one thing you love to more things you love. I arrive home and go right into preparing my shower and setting everything up. I move around my room, trying to distract myself from the fact I could cry, then my phone ringing pulls me out of my head. “Hello.”

“Hey, are you okay?” Gray asks, I set my phone once I see the lights around in the background, noticing he seems to be at some sort of concert.

“Yeah, just a little sad. I retired for cheer today. I express-shipped you a package yesterday. Did you get it?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to open it,” he replies, holding up the black box. I fumble with the butterfly necklace he once got me and breathe out. What If he doesn’t like it?

“It’s okay if you don’t like it. It’s slightly stupid,” I say, walking back into the bathroom with my change of clothes.

“Nothing that you give me is stupid.” Gray opens the box. He looks over the silver necklace, which is a flat heart pendant on a silver chain that has A.D.K. in my handwriting. My initials meaning Alexia Dylan Kirby. My name.

“It’s perfect, I’ll wear it forever.” Gray takes it out of the box and clips it around his neck, causing my heart to warm. Does he really like it?

“I also want to say you are definitely making my dream of dating a cheerleader come to life,” Gray says as he looks over me through the screen. I forgot I was wearing my uniform. We took our end-of-the-year photo at practice today.

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