Page 82 of Never the Best

“I’m good.” I was genuinely smiling when I spoke. “Iwasnervous, but…it’s been a really good first day back.” I felt like I was gushing; I think I was. I’d just not expected it to be this easy.

“Now, don’t think of me as your boss’s boss but asHattie’s friend when I ask you, have you eaten today?”

That took me aback. She was the first person to bring up mysituationwith food.

“A little.” And then added hurriedly, “I can’t eat right now; I’m not hungry.”

“Okay.” She picked up her landline and spoke into it, “Rachel, darlin’, can you bring some tea to my office? Mint for both of us. Yes, thank you.”

Nina Davenport was a woman of many skills, including somehow knowing that Rhett had been feeding me mint tea when I refused to eat anything. He sweetened it a little to get some calories into me. The mint helped with nausea and made me feel refreshed.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Nina waved a hand. “Of course, I checked up on how to take care of you. It takes a village, you know?”

Before I could respond, Nina’s door opened after a brief knock, and Rachel brought in a tray with tea. She set the teapot and two cups on Nina’s table, and left the empty tray on one of the side tables. She’d even put a couple ofchocolate chip cookies on a small plate, but I wasn’t going there.

Nina leaned back and studied me. “I know you think you’re the only one with a big secret and problem, but the thing is, we’re all working on ourselves. Let me tell you what I’ve learned over the years: most of the time, the things we think people are focusing on about us are the ones they barely notice. People are so wrapped up in their own lives and their own problems that they rarely have time to dwell on someone else’s. It feels huge to you because it is—but to them, it’s just another piece of a much larger picture.”

“I’ve always hated being pitied,” I told her.

“Maybe because Birdie made it an art form with you,” Nina offered sardonically.

I chuckled. This was why Savannah was a great place to live and also a pain in the ass. Everyone knew everyone and everyone’s business. “I hate that people know, especially since I’ve spent so long trying to hide it.”

Once the tea was ready, I served both Nina and me.

I took a tentative sip and was pleased when nothing seemed to offend my system. Nina picked up her teacup and took a sip. “I can assure you that every single woman in this building—hell, every woman you’ll ever meet—has parts of her body or psyche she’s tried to or is actively trying to hide. Some part of herself she’s been told isn’t good enough, or worthy enough, or acceptable.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tightening. “Do you think I wallow too much and?—”

“Pearl, I’m not saying this to minimize your problems,” Nina said firmly, setting her delicate ceramic teacup down on her desk with precision. Her tone was warm but laced with that no-nonsense edge she was known for. “What I’m saying is that your struggles are yours. The last thing you need to burden yourself with is worrying about what other people think.”

“Whatdopeople think?” I asked, desperate to know, to be validated, to be told I wasn’t a terrible person, a weak woman.

“I can’t speak aboutpeoplein general, butIthink that you are a strong woman, who has overcome some really horrendous shit thrown her way during her formative years. That’s not an easy task. I also think you’re a good and kind person, who helps people and is there for people. You have solid integrity and high moral standards for yourself.” She grinned then. “And now, to the part you need to work on, because I also think you worry too much about the world’s opinion of you.”

“I am working on it,” I remarked. “My therapist told me, the last time we spoke, that sometimes the line between a nervous breakdown and a breakthroughis thin.”

“And?” she coaxed.

“I think I had a breakdown but….” I paused, suddenly reticent to share matters so personal, but the look she gave me was so warm and kind that I proceeded. “I also had a breakthrough, thanks to the support I got from Rhett, Aunt Hattie, and Missy. And all of you, who told me to take time off. I didn’t have to worry about losing my job because I wasn’t well. It made me feel like I had the time and space to get better and learn more about myself.”

Nina traced the top of her cup with a finger and then looked at me. “In my teenage years, I struggled with my body image, too. My mother was supermodel thin, while I had my father’s Italian genes, with big hips, and tits that were already garnering unwanted attention when I was barely fourteen.”

You could knock me down with a feather! The super-confident Nina Davenport struggled with how she looked? But why? She was gorgeous and effortlessly elegant.

“I wanted to be like Mama,” she continued. “I was so consumed with the idea of perfection that I couldn’t see what I already had—strength, intelligence, ambition. It took me a long time to realize that the only person I had to beenoughfor was me. And even now, there are days when I have to remind myself of that.”

“How did you realize that?”

Now, she smiled widely. “I had a wonderful friend, Monica Ryan. She’s a therapist now, but even then, when we were teenagers, she had a skill. She and Hattie and some others were there for and with me. Monica’s mother was a psychologist as well, so she talked to me, not officially, because, mind you, in those days, if anyone found out I was seeing a therapist, it would’ve been a scandal. Long story short, I got a lot of help, and by the time I was out of my teens, those feelings became rare. I’m aware that I was lucky.”

“Getting help at the right time is pivotal,” I agreed. “Itook too long for me to get help, and by then, a lot of the damage was already done.”

“Isn’t it wonderful that we can keep growing and developing and becoming better versions of ourselves despite being late in addressing our issues? That we can make mistakes and continue to have fulfilling lives?”

“Yes,” I admitted with my whole heart. “It is wonderful.”

CHAPTER 29

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