Page 65 of Never the Best

“I had a nightmare,” I finally whispered.

“I gathered. You want to talk about it?” he asked again.

I shook my head, the motion slow and heavy.

“Okay.”

He was so understanding that it unraveled me. I was falling in love with Rhett, my nemesis, my friend…my…it was all too confusing. My stomach twisted with anxiety, and I knew what I had to do, what I had been avoiding.

“I need to talk to my therapist, I think.”

I felt him kiss my hair. “I’m glad to hear that, sweetheart. I’ll make it happen.”

How he knew who my therapist was and how he could make appointments, I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to. I was merely glad that someone else was handling the logistics. The times before, having to do everything myself, meant that my recovery was slower.

“You think Nina is going to fire me for abandoning my job?” I asked as a thought rose in my head. In the past, I’d pushed myself to work, no matter what. This time, I had just fallen apart. And maybe I had, I acknowledged, because there was someone there to catch me. Rhett. Aunt Hattie. Missy. Even my misguided niece, if it had come to that.

“Of course, not.” He looked down and raised my chin so I’d look at him in the dim light of the bedside lamp that he kept turned on all night because it comforted me and took me away from the darkness that was inside. It was like Rhett had quickly figured out how to care for me. It was disconcerting and comforting, all at the same time.

“You sure?” Panic flashed through me. What would I do if I didn’t have a job? How would I pay my bills? Sure, I was fortunate enough not to have to pay rent, but I had other expenses. What about my healthcare?

My breath got short.

“Shh, darlin’,” Rhett mollified, “you’re not getting fired. I talked to Nina and Layla, and they’re happy for you to take the time you need, with full pay.”

My breathing settled. How did he know I was worrying about money?

“They think you’re a stellar employee.”

I snorted.

Some stellar employee I was. I’d just had a nervous breakdown in front of my colleagues by a dumpster, for God’s sake.

“They also love you like family.” He kept stroking my back gently as he spoke. “Many of them call me every day to check on you. I’m thinking of just having a group call with the Savannah Lace team so I don’t have to deal with them one by one. There’s Layla, Nina, Luna, Aurora, Stella, Nova…and even Rachel. Your new colleague, Zahra, actually showed up at Aunt Hattie’s house with a box full of cookies.”

Nausea churned inside me. I didn’t know why, but when I had an episode, I couldn’t eat sugary things.

“Don’t worry, between Missy and Aunt Hattie, there was nothing left. I got a few crumbs.”

I smiled at that.

“And, darlin’, even if you lost your job, you’re so good at what you do, you’ll find one right away. I’ll hire you any day. But I know that Nina will break my legs if I steal you away from Savannah Lace.”

He kept talking slowly, without pushing me to contribute to the conversation. He was making me feel better by telling me I was valued, and it made me feel better.It made me feel loved and cared for, and it made the wounds hurt less.

“So, baby, it’s all goin’ to be okay.”

I wanted to believe him. But I didn’t feelokay. I felt like I was drowning, like every part of me was rebelling against the very thing I knew I needed to survive.

“Rhett.” I gripped his T-shirt. He slept in a shirt and boxer shorts, probably to make me feel comfortable, because I had a feeling he usually slept in the nude.

“Yeah, baby?”

“What if Ineverget better? Will I…will I die?” It was a fear I had, and voicing it made it somehow less potent, but I also wondered if I sounded like I needed to go to the funny farm.

“No.” The tempo and tone of his voice didn’t change. He didn’t push me. He just kept taking care of me. “You’re going to get better. It just feels like a lot now, but time is a great healer,andyou’re going to talk to your therapist. Also, I’m here, Pearl,always.”

“What does that mean?” I whispered, afraid of the answer.

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