Page 54 of Never the Best

My father narrowed his eyes. “What exactly do you think you’re doing, Rhett? You’re engaged to a perfectly good woman from a perfectly good family. Do you know what it looks like when a Vanderbilt calls off a wedding? It’s not quiet, I’ll tell you that much. It’s headlines, hushed phone calls, and a string of well-dressed relatives scrambling to save face. For a Vanderbilt, it’s not just a decision—it’s a scandal and a goddamn embarrassment.”

It wouldn’t do to let him see I was angry; he’d use that to his advantage. I forced myself to remain calm and fought tokeep my temper in check. “I guess I’m saving us from the future embarrassment of a divorce.”

“What nonsense. And if you felt this way, why did you propose to her?” he shot back, his voice rising. “You knew exactly what you were doing when you put that ring on her finger. Or are you telling me that, once again, you acted impulsively and now expect everyone else to clean up your mess?”

All of a sudden, my anger evaporated.

I realized I was just too tired to feel that strong an emotion. I was tired of living my life onhisterms, and worse, I wastiredof living life without knowing what the hell my terms were. I was thirty-two years old, and I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be. Oh, I knew who Rhett Vanderbilt was, but he was a persona, a mask I wore, and I didn’t want to do that any longer.

“Sir, there’s nothing to clean up,” I replied, my voice hard.

“That’s what you think. Huck and Suellen are not going to let this go unanswered. You’re insulting their family name.”

“It’s a pity they feel that way when they should appreciate the fact that I’m simply not entering a marriage I know for certain will fail.” I straightened and decided that the hell with it.Ineededcoffee.

I walked out of the living room as I heard my father call out, “Where the hell do you think you’re going, young man.”

“I’m going to make myself some coffee.” I didn’t bother to see if he followed.

In the kitchen, he glared at me as I worked the coffee machine. Since I wasn’t a complete asshole, I made two cups. He sat at the island and drank his grudgingly. I knew he was feeling off-kilter. I didn’t usually behave in this manner. I was usually overly polite and solicitous. But the plain truth was that I used to let him bully me.

“Just tell me why you think you can do better than Josie?” he demanded after a long silence.

There was a shift in his tone—not quite commanding, but almost pleading. Well, as humbly as my father was capable of pleading, anyway. After a lifetime of being an entitled, pompous ass, it wasn’t like he was going to suddenly change because I’d pulled the rug out from under him.

“I don’t love her,” I said plainly.

His face darkened, and his lips pressed into a thin line. For a moment, I thought he was going to shout, but instead, he shook his head, his disappointment radiating off of him.

“You’re making a mistake, Rhett,” he stated coldly. “And I can only hope you’ll come to your senses before it’s too late. This family has a legacy to uphold, and if you think you can just throw it all away because you’ve suddenly decided you don’t feel like playing your part, then you’re more foolish than I thought.”

I took a leisurely sip of my coffee and, with just enough insouciance, said, “Sir, let’s agree to disagree on this matter.”

“Josie thinks you’re balling some other girl. Is that what this is about? Look, we all have dalliances, and there is?—”

“Sir, I don’t mean any disrespect, but there is no fuckin’ way you and I are having a conversation about my sex life.”

The look on my father’s face was comical. I’d never sworn in front of him before.

“AndIdon’t cheat,” I added for good measure.

“What does that mean?” He glowered. “Are you accusing me of something?”

“Sir, just as I won’t discuss my sex life with you, I won’t be making any assumptions about yours.”

I almost wished I’d been recording this conversation, because Aunt Hattie would have gotten a kick out of it. What had started as tedious and difficult was now teetering on the edge of entertaining. There was something incredibly liberating about being authentic, about speaking honestly and not swallowing every retort I’d been biting back for a lifetime. I could tell him to go fuck himself—and, well, I was doing exactly that, just dressed up in more polite words.

My father gawked at me. Then he brushed the coffee cup hard, and it crashed against the tiled floor of my kitchen.

Christ! Why had I been afraid of this man all my life? He was sixty-five years old, and he was behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Then, as if surprised by himself, he rose, turned, and walked out of the kitchen—and then the house. I even heard the front door slam behind him.

I drank some coffee, feeling much lighter than I hadeverfelt in my life. A few days ago, my father’s disappointment in me would have suffocated me, but now, one walk onthe beach with Pearl, learning what she’d overcome and seeing her courage, showed me that I could be brave, too.

I looked at my watch and grinned.

Now that I’d pissed off the patriarch, I didn’t have to endure the interminable Vanderbilt-Vance Sunday lunch. The Beaumonts would probably be there too, as they often were. I could avoid them all, and that felt like a small victory

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