Page 42 of Never the Best

“He’d find a way to make everyone laugh at me, ridicule me.”

“Okay. How would that look like?”

I licked my lips, humiliation coursing through me as memories of the past assaulted me.

“He’d tell everyone that I was still interested in him, but he isn’t interested in me because I’m fat and ugly—and he’s engaged. He’d tell everyone that I’m a horny slut who wanted to fuck him, even though he found me disgusting.”

It wasn’t until I felt my cheeks become wet that I realized I was crying.

My therapist gave me a somber look from across my computer screen. “What brought up those tears for you?”

“I remembered how I felt after all that happened.” I felt weighed down suddenly, like I was, once again, a gazillion pounds. “I was feeling fine, but now…I….”

“Pearl, did you throw yourself at him?”

I shook my head.

“Did he indicate in any way at all that he’d make fun of you?”

I shook my head again.

“What is the likelihood of this scenario ever happening?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I felt pathetic.

“Pearl, let’s say all of Savannah laughs at you. Do you really care what they think?”

“I do care.” My voice was small, I felt small.

“Do you care what your mother thinks?”

I paused. “No.” I really didn’t.

“Cash?”

I snorted.

“Would Nina Davenport believe these rumors?”

“No. And even if she did, it wouldn’t change how she felt about me. She’d continue to mentor me, respect me.” I was confident of this.

“Aunt Hattie?”

I smiled. “She’d tell me I could do better than her nephew.”

“So, the people you respect would not let you down.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Once I internalized that, I started to feel a lot better. But what also helped was Rhett texting me. They were innocuous messages similar to ones I received from Luna, Aurora, and even Aunt Hattie. He and I were friends, and sure, I had the hots for him, but he didn’t know that. In any case, he was engaged, so it wasn’t like we’d ever go there.

Why the hell was he with Josie? A man who appreciated Paul Auster and hated Pip would not be happy with someone like her.

Stop it, Pearl. You don’t want to be one of those people who wants the lives of others.

“Someone looks like they either got up on the right sideof the bed or from therightbed,” Nova, our office manager, grinned appreciatively when she saw me stroll into work.

My clothing choices tended to go from black to gray to beige. But when I woke up that morning, fueled by a good conversation with my therapist and a funny “good morning” meme from Rhett, I hadn’t wanted to slip into my usual boring suits. Instead, I put on a peach-colored dress.

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