Page 35 of Never the Best

Rhett pulled away, even though he kept me in the circle of his arms. His looked raw, unguarded. He was in pain. He feltmypain. I'd never felt more seen than right now. "Are you…are you okay now?"

I gave him a small, assuring smile. "I’m okay. I eat. I do therapy. I work hard to keep myself in a good place. But some days are harder than others. Some days, I look in the mirror, and all I see is the girl I used to be—the one who wasn’t enough. The one who thought the only way to matter was to disappear."

"Being in Savannah doesn't help, does it?" he intuited.

"My therapist warned me that there would be triggers.Andthere are.Butso far…it's been manageable."

He kissed my forehead gently. "That girl you sometimes still see in the mirror was incredible. The woman you've become is also incredible. I hate that I've played such a big part in making you feel less, and have done nothing to make you see who you are.”

His words were heavy with regret.

"It’s not just about you, Rhett." I pulled away from him. As tempting as it was to dump all my problems on Rhett, it wasn't true. I wanted to be fair to him but also myself. "Thisis also about how I let myself believe the lies people told me. About how I hurt myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough. You were a part of it, yes, but you weren’t the whole story. I had to learn to love myself."

Even though he wasn't holding me, his entire attention was on me, and it felt damn good. "When did you start getting help?"

I was about to answer when it hit me just how easy it was to talk to Rhett. No one else in my life, besides Aunt Hattie, knew what had happened to me, what I’d done to myself. And yet, here I was, sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with the very man who had betrayed me, who had once shattered my trust.

What surprised me even more was how right it felt. It was as if this was exactly what I needed to do to restore some order to my universe.

I walked to the waves, letting the cool water lap at my ankles. "It took a while.”

“So, leaving Savannah didn’t make it better?”

“That’s just geography.” I kicked at the same waves, making little splashes.

"I understand,” he murmured.

Surprisingly, I knew that he did. The boy I remembered had always carried the potential for the man he’d become, but back then, he’d been too consumed with fitting in, too desperate to be liked. He’d seen vulnerability as a weakness, and compassion as something that could cost him his place in the crowd.

I took a deep breath and let the walls fall. “It happenedin the college library. I was sitting at a table, staring at this textbook, but I couldn’t focus. I hadn’t eaten anything that day or the day before. I'd had plenty of coffee, though.”

I saw Rhett’s jaw tighten, but he remained silent, letting me talk.

“I started to feel lightheaded, like the room was tilting. My vision got blurry, and I remember thinking, ‘Just sit still. Just stay calm.’” My laugh was bitter and harsh in my throat. “As if sitting still would fix the fact that I was starving myself to death.”

I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, but I didn’t stop. There was an urgency, a need to let it out—to finally let it go—and to say it to Rhett. For so long, I’d carried the weight of blaming him for what happened to me, and now, this moment was both agony and release. To tell him my truth and his part in shaping it felt like ripping open an old wound and stitching it shut at the same time.

“The next thing I knew, I’d blacked out. Everything just…faded.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling exposed. “When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. There were tubes in my arms and an oxygen mask on my face. A nurse told me I was lucky. My potassium levels had dropped so low that my heart had gone into arrhythmia.”

"Arrhythmia?" Rhett repeated, his voice dry, fear lacing it.

"I went into cardiac arrest. My heart stopped.”

Rhett looked horrified; his lips parted like he wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words. His handshad come out of his pockets, clenched at his sides. For once, the ever-composed Rhett Vanderbilt looked utterly undone.

“How long?” he asked, his voice thick. “How long were you…?”

“Dead?”

CHAPTER 13

Rhett

“Yes,” I managed to get that one word out. My legs felt shaky. My hands were clammy. I was having a version of a panic attack.

My heart hammered as I waited for her response. Of all the things I'd imagined she'd tell me, this had not been one of them.

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