Page 29 of Never the Best

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

I stared at him.

"What I did was cruel, horrible, and…I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. It haunts me, Pearl."

How dare he make this about how it affects him?

"Me too," I threw back at him.

His eyes lowered. "I can only imagine. I am sorry."

"You behave like you slipped up and, oops, made a mistake." I felt the need to purge my thoughts so intensely, I couldn’t stop myself from letting him see what was inside of me: the pain, the struggle, the heartbreak. "Youchoseto hurt me, Rhett. You made a bet, you slept with me, and then you let everyone in Savannah rip me to shreds because of it.”

"I know."

"And you think your measly apology makes up for it?"

"Nothing can make up for it, Pearl. Do you think I don't know that? I hurt you. I?—"

"We were friends, Rhett," I accused him, my eyesfilling with tears I didn't want to ever shed in front of him. "Well, Ithoughtwe were. I didn't think you were capable of saying the things you did about me."

"I know," he said tenderly. "I had a rot inside of me, one that made me want tofitin, live up to my reputation of being an asshole."

"You were my first, and you made it ugly with your words. Do you know how hard a climb it has been for me?"

The words hung in the air between us, raw and jagged. His face twisted with shame, regret, and pain—but he didn’t look away.

"You are one of the bravest people I know," he told me sincerely. "Believe me when I tell you, Pearl, that I’ve hated myself for it every day since.”

"No more than I have," I cried out.

I saw him take a step toward me, but I held my hand up so he would stay put. "Why did you do it? Why did you hurt me? I'd never done anything to you."

"Because I was a coward.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

I blinked, caught off guard by the rawness in his voice.

"Because I wanted to show everyone what a big deal I was. I fucked Pearl Beaumont over a bet. I didn't realize how that demeaned me and showed everyone how low I was."

The honesty in his words overwhelmed me, and before I could stop myself, the tears came. Hot and fast, they blurred my vision, and I turned away, trying to hide them. But Rhett didn’t move, didn’t look away.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," he continued, his eyes shining with emotion.

That made me only angrier. “You don’t get to cry about this.” My voice broke. “You don’t get to feel bad about this. You don't get to take that away from me."

He stepped closer, his voice thick with emotion. “Pearl, I?—”

“Don’t,” I snapped, cutting him off. “Don’t apologize. Don’t say it was a mistake. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Okay.” The gentleness in his tone made me hate him a little more because it made me like himagain. One apology, and I was already swaying.

“I need to go." I didn’t know what to say to him. My emotions were a tangled mess of anger and confusion.

“Pearl,” he started, but I shook my head.

“No. I can’t do this. Iwon't."

I left him standing in the gazebo and retreated to the quiet solace of my little cottage, where I cried until the stillness of the early morning.

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