Page 33 of Cold Foot Croc

“Because I’m talking to your animal, too. I like you. I like all of you, just like you like me and speak highly of my crocodile. I don’t want you to be human, do you understand? If you were human, I wouldn’t be here with you. I would think you were too fragile for me. What you are, and who you are, is perfect. I don’t care how you got here. I just care that you’re here. All of you. The manandthe animal, because I’m a woman, but also an animal. I need you to be the same kind of monster that I am so you can understand me, and so that I can understand you. I care for the bear, so I’m asking that you care for him too. I want you to take care of him so he can take care of you back when the time comes.I want you to be whole. Change, wild man. I haven’t seen your bear in too long.”

That’s what he’d needed. How did she do that? How did she say exactly what he needed to hear to make his life make sense?

She was right. If he wasn’t this, he wouldn’t have moved here, or met Sasha as his neighbor, and then met Raynah through her. He wouldn’t have been the one to open the door that night when Raynah needed his help. He wouldn’t have seen her holding that little jacket at Murdoch’s, and she wouldn’t have shown up at his house with a baby shower invitation in her coat pocket. He wouldn’t have gotten to see her silly selfie, or talk to her on the phone, or see her in her cute cashier’s apron where she worked.

If the bear didn’t exist, Garret wouldn’t have kissed her in a camp chair on a random snowy mountain because she cared enough to come help him learn to Change faster.

“You’re going to learn to love the power that your animal gives you,” she whispered. “I promise.”

He could tell Raynah spoke of something she absolutely believed, just from the confident tone of her voice.

He released her and put a few yards of distance in between them, and then he begged his animal to make this easier so that he could protect her from how awful it could be.

I’m going to do better for both of us,he said silently in his head.I’m going to get to understand you. I’m going to work on making it easier.And just as his skin started to tingle and burn with the oncoming Change, he said an apology to himself. He said the apology to both sides of himself.I’m sorry I’ve been fighting this so hard.

And then there was pain.

Chapter Eight

What was this feeling?

As Raynah watched Garret push through his Change, this strange sensation pushed through her.

It wasn’t just pride for him…it was a feeling for herself as well. She’d seen herself as destruction for so long when she was in prison, and then wallowed in confusion after, but here, in this moment, she was proud of not only Garret, but of herself.

She’d come out here with good intentions, and she felt like she was helping.

She was improving his future. She was taking pain away from him.

Raynah didn’t have to be destruction. She could heal something that had been broken.

That realization sat in her chest as she watched his Change take only a few minutes. She pulled her shirt over her cold skin as he pushed upward out of the snow.

“Good bear, going easy on him now,” she said softly as he shook his fur out, likely ridding himself of the rest of the tingles that would be prickling his skin right now.

Garret was enormous in this form, with a thick coat for winter. He had powerful shoulders, and paws bigger than her head. Six-inch curved, dagger-like claws dug into the snow as he headed for her.

His movement wasn’t a charge, and it wasn’t aggressive. Just to be careful, she sank down on her knees in the snow and exposed her neck to him. She wasn’t a threat to him.

As his big nose touched the side of her throat, she closed her eyes and reminded her body to stay relaxed, and her heartto beat slow. She trusted him. He’d helped her before. The bear would know her, she just believed it.

He wasn’t bad. The bear had just been born to a world he didn’t understand, and no one had been there to teach him. Someday, she would find his Maker and she would punish him for what he’d done, but today, she just wanted to appreciate this moment of improvement for Garret’s quality of life, and feel happy that she had been a small part of it.

No matter where they ended up, she’d made a positive impact on someone she cared about. He would be happier now. He would hurt less, and overthink less, and dread the Change less.

She wished she could tell her mom about this.

The bear eased back and then pressed his nose against her forearms, cradling her belly protectively.

She allowed a smile as she slowly slid her arms away, exposing her stomach to him. He froze there, his big block head eclipsing the rest of the world from her. Inside of her, the baby moved, and the bear angled his head to the side and rubbed her belly gently, like a cat scent-marking her.

“Are you going to keep us safe?” she asked low as she looked up to meet his eyes.

Garret’s eyes were blazing that stunning teal color, and it looked even brighter surrounded by his dark-brown fur. His eyes stayed so soft on her.

He circled her once, twice, and then laid his monstrous body next to her in the snow and looked out at the trees.

Raynah stretched her fingertips out to him and rested her hand gently against his coarse fur. Chills rippled up her arms at the gravity of this moment. He radiated warmth. As he turned his massive head toward her, she dared to scoot closer, then rested her shoulder against him.

---