Page 56 of Knot My Luck

The bond is pulling at me, pushing me to want them. To feel the need to be near them, to seek their comfort. But can I even trust it? Can I trust this new reality, this new sense of belonging? What if I’m just fooling myself, convincing myself that I’m wanted when, in reality, I’m just another omega forced into a role I don’t fully understand?

I want to believe it’s what I’ve been longing for. I want to believe that this pack –mypack – will fill the emptiness I’ve carried for so long. But deep inside, the voice of doubt is loud, echoing in the empty spaces where the bond hasn’t reached.

Am I just a pawn in their game? A tool they’ll use until I’m no longer needed?

Maybe I’ve always been waiting for this – waiting for them. But now that it’s here, I don’t know if I’m ready for it. Not in the way I thought I was.

I have to admit, I’m scared. Scared of giving in to the bond, scared of what it might mean for me, for us. The thought of being controlled, being claimed by them – it makes my chest tighten, even as my body craves it.

What if I’m not cut out for this? What if I’m not strong enough to stand beside them without losing myself in the process?

The questions gnaw at me, making it hard to focus on anything else. The reality of being claimed, of belonging to them, is finally setting in. The sudden change in my life – the sudden loss of control, of independence – hits me all at once. I’ve gone from living on my own terms, calling the shots, making my own decisions, to being part of something so much bigger than myself. I agreed to it, yes. I walked into it willingly.

But was I ready forthis?

I can feel the pressure building inside my chest, the tightness creeping up on me with every passing second. I wasn’t ready for this shift. I didn’t anticipate the weight of the bond, of the claim, of the expectation that comes with it. It feels like a constant pull – like a tether wrapping tighter around me with each breath I take.

I look at them again, at the way they’re so comfortably settled beside me, and I can’t help but feel a pang of uncertainty. They don’t need me the way I need them. They’ve had their lives – stable, full of purpose. They’re not throwing everything into this the way I am. This is my new world, not theirs.

I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to keep the wave of panic at bay, but it rises anyway, threatening to drown me. My body is stiff, the tightness in my chest making it harder to breathe, harder to think straight. The air feels suffocating now, the heat from their bodies pressing in on me from either side. I can’t breathe. I can’t think.

I don’t want to disturb them. I don’t want to break the fragile peace that’s settled between us, but I need air. I need space.

My eyes dart to the balcony doors, and without really thinking, I excuse myself, my voice unsteady. “I’m just going to step out for a minute. Get some fresh air.”

Tadhg doesn’t even open his eyes, just promises in a low voice, “We’ll be here.”

Lorcan glances at me, a flash of concern crossing his face. “You okay?” His tone is gentle, but there’s an underlying tension there, a protective edge.

I smile – one of those forced, brittle smiles. “Yeah. Just need a moment.”

And with that, I slide out from between them, the warmth of their bodies already fading as I stand and move toward the balcony door. I don’t look back.

The coolness of the night air greets me the moment I step outside, the crispness stinging against my skin. I slide the door closed behind me and I let out a slow breath, grateful for the space, for the solitude.

I need to think. I need to process what I’ve just agreed to, what’s happening around me. I need to figure out what this bond means, what thislifemeans, now that I’m fully tied to them.

The city is still and quiet below me, the gentle hum of distant traffic the only sound breaking the silence. The night air is soothing, but it’s not enough to quell the storm inside me. I can feel the panic rising again, the doubt, the overwhelming sense that I’ve just made a decision I might never be able to undo. And I can’t ignore it anymore.

I don’t know if this is happiness. I don’t know if I’ve found what I’ve been looking for.

All I know is that I don’t feel…free anymore.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there, my thoughts spiraling, when I hear the soft creak of the sliding door behind me. I don’t turn around, not immediately, but I know who it is. The weight of the air changes – shifts – when Cathal steps outside. The cold doesn’t seem to bother him; he moves with a quiet grace, his presence just as steady as it always is.

He doesn’t say anything at first, just stands next to me, leaning against the railing as I am, his shoulders barely brushing mine. I don’t know why I’m surprised. Of course, he’d come out to find me. Lorcan and Tadhg would’ve expected him to. They know how much I’m struggling, even if I can’t admit it to them.

For a moment, there’s nothing but the sound of the city in the distance, the soft huff of traffic, the occasional honk of a car. But it’s like the world has stopped around us, and I feel both suffocated by it and strangely calmed.

Finally, Cathal speaks, his voice low, hesitant. “You’re not okay.”

I don’t answer right away. What is there to say? He’s right. Of course, he is. But I don’t want to make this about me again. Not now, not when everything feels so fragile.

He waits. His presence doesn’t waver, doesn’t push.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he adds, his words like a confession, though it doesn’t quite feel like an apology. It’s more...raw. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

The words hang in the air between us, heavy and laden with years of unspoken history. I turn to him then, finally meeting his gaze. The moonlight catches his face, softens the hard edges of his features. It’s still him, the same man I once loved with everything I had – but now there’s something different in his eyes. Something almost...vulnerable.

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