Page 67 of Bound to the Shadow Prince

I just don’t know if I candothat.

To his credit, Nemeth doesn’t push me to accept him. It’d be easier if he did, I think. Instead he’s kind and understanding and leaves it all in my hands.

Sigh.

Why does he have to be so nice? Why can’t he just grab me and pin me against the wall and have his way with me? Demand my body? Demand my kisses?

I know why—it’s not who he is. He’s a polite monk of a Fellian who just happened to be trapped in a tower with a princess of loose morals who really, really wants to ride his cock.

Weeks pass with our relationship standstill. I keep waiting for Nemeth to break, but I’m starting to realize that this anxious tension on my part might continue for the rest of the time that we’re here in the tower. Six years of waiting for Nemeth to push me into his arms (and his bed) and it might never happen.

And that bothers me.

I wake up in darkness,and the bed beside me is empty. “Mmm,” I say aloud, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “Nemeth?”

No answer.

I reach over and tap the light, turning it on, and the room we share—Nemeth’s room—is empty.I see stacks of books and firewood by the hearth. I see the table heaped with my sewing (the only hobby I’ve managed) and the cards from our last card game scattered about. I see the shelves filled with supplies and Nemeth’s stool near them, but no Nemeth. Frowning to myself, I reach under the mattress and pull out my knife, where I keep it when I sleep.

“Is everything all right?” I ask. “With Nemeth?”

A quick pulse reassures me.

Yawning, I put the knife back. A midnight run to the garderobe, then. I should just go back to sleep.

I don’t. Instead, I get to my feet, drawn perhaps by instinct to leave our comfortable quarters and the light behind. The moment I step outside of our room, I hear a grunt.

I know that sound.

Fascinated, I follow it towards the storage room, where Nemeth keeps his mushroom farm and the wood supplies. I don’t have to be able to see in the dark to know that the door is slightly ajar. I can tell that from the sounds coming from inside. The slick, frantic slap of a hand working a thick cock is a familiar one to me, and heat pulses between my legs.

It’s quickly followed by an ache in my heart.

I would have done this for him. I would have touched him (and thoroughly enjoyed doing so). I would give him relief and make him feel so good…and yet he doesn’t want my touch unless it’s that of a mate. How deeply and utterly infuriating. I’m angry and frustrated, but most of all, I’m hurt. I’ve offered myself with no strings attached, and he’s turning me away. It makes me feel like he somehow finds my touch dirty.

Pushing away from the wall, I head back for the bedroom.

“Candra?” Nemeth’s voice is startled, wary. He realizes he’s been caught in the act.

“Go ahead and finish,” I call back to him, not turning around. “Or don’t. I don’t care what you do.”

I tap the light to turn it off, get back into bed, and pull the covers over my head like a child. My mouth is set in what feels like a permanent frown, and I just…ache. I ache because I’m dying for Nemeth to touch me and instead he’s sneaking off to jerk his cock in the darkness, hiding his need from me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low.

A short time later, the bed sinks with Nemeth’s weight. He touches my blanket-covered shoulder. “Candra?”

“I don’t want to talk. Go to sleep.”

He tugs at the blankets I have pulled over my head. “You are upset.”

“Of course I’m upset,” I grit out, frustrated. “I’ve offered myself to you on a silver platter and you push me away. Finding you touching yourself in the middle of the night when I’m in bed right next to you? Just waiting for you to touch me? It makes me feel like you don’t want me. You don’t approve of me unless I agree to be your mate. You make me feel like there’s something wrong with who I am. Like I’mdirtyif I touch you without some stupid vows.”

“Candra, no.” His hand strokes my back through the blankets, and I wish it didn’t feel so good. “You misunderstand me.”

I suspect I’m not misunderstanding anything. Nice try, though.

He continues to rub my back. “I…I must relieve my body, Candra. It is the only way I can be around you without touching you.”

His words make me jerk upright, all frustration. I sit up in the darkness, glaring at the glow of his green eyes, the only thing I can see. “Sotouchme. I’m right here.”

---