Page 124 of Bound to the Shadow Prince

Nemeth’s hands go still. He freezes under me, his expression unchanging. For a long moment, I don’t dare breathe. His hands slide up my arms, and then he grips my shoulders tight. “What do you mean, you’re pregnant?”

“I’ve been told all my life that I can’t get pregnant. That because of the blood curse, that I’m infertile. But I haven’t had my period in weeks now, and I’m sick in the mornings. My stomach is hard, just like Erynne’s was when she found out she was pregnant with Allionel.” When he continues to stare at me in disbelief, I add, “I asked the knife and it said I was pregnant.”

He’s utterly silent, and as the moments slide past, my skin prickles with discomfort. “How long have you known?”

I know the calm in his voice. He’s angry. So angry. My heart feels as if it has stopped in my chest. “Since we were in the tower.”

Those accusing eyes widen. “And you’re just now telling me?”

I know I’ve done wrong. I sit up higher, determined to somehow explain away the guilt I’m feeling. “I didn’t want you to feel as if I was manipulating you. Trapping you into being with me,” I babble, frantic. “I know you don’t want this. I didn’t even know it was possible.”

“And yet you let me take you from the tower, knowing that the goddess’s wrath might fall upon both of us?—”

“Because I want to stay with you,” I cry. “I can’t let you leave me behind! I want us to face the future together!”

“Except you didn’t want to tell me you were pregnant with my child,” he bites out. “Until you were going to get left behind once more. You’re using it as a game piece, trying to outmaneuver me.”

“I’m not,” I declare hotly. I’m offended by his words, moreso because I understand exactly how he’s feeling. In a way, I’m feeling just as betrayed as he is. I’ve been told lies all my life and now I’m reaping the consequences. But he’s looking at me with such accusation that I can’t stand it. I want to defend myself, to make him realize I’m not trying to deceive. Instead, what comes out is even worse. “You weren’t exactly clamoring to come on my belly,” I accuse, near tears. This is all going horribly wrong. “You wanted to give me your knot.”

He rears up under me, trying to get to his feet. “Because I thought it was safe?—”

“I thought it was too! All my life I’ve been told that I’m useless and barren. That I am meant nothing. That I am the worst of my bloodline because I am a dead end, a loose thread that goes nowhere. How do you think I feel? The records are clear that Ravendor’s descendants with the blood curse never have children, and yet here I am, pregnant. It’s obvious that it’s because you’re Fellian.”

“How is that the obvious reason?”

“I wasn’t a virgin when we got together, Nemeth. I haven’t saved myself for marriage. Why bother when I’m barren? I’ve had more than my fair share of lovers at court?—”

“I don’t want to hear about your past lovers.” His eyes darken, his expression growing intense.

“—and not a single one of them has ever gotten me pregnant.” I want to grab him by his shoulders and shake him. To make him understand. “You said you could move through shadows with me, right? And that it felt different this last time? And you didn’t know why you could do either? It’s because ofme. My blood. Ravendor’s story must have some seed of truth in it, because I have Fellian blood in my veins and maybe that’s what’s poisoning me. Maybe that’s what allowed me to become pregnant with your child. I don’t know! I don’t have the answers!” I’m babbling but I can’t seem to stop. I just need him to know, need him to understand. “All I know is that I love you and I’m terrified you’re going to hate me now because you never wanted children?—”

“Shh,” Nemeth tells me. He wraps his arms around me, and then a moment later, his wings slither out from under his back and envelop both of us in a cocoon. “Calm yourself, Candra.”

“I’m not trying to deceive you,” I choke. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to stop loving me because of a child I didn’t know we could have?—”

“Love.Milettahn, please.” He brushes gentle fingers over my cheeks, and I realize belatedly that they’re wet. I’m crying after all. “A child doesn’t change how I feel about you. You could shove a knife between my ribs and I would still look at you with adoration, because you’re my mate. We are not Ravendor and Azamenth.” He searches my gaze. “I never said I did not want children, Candra. Just that they are a complication.”

“What do you mean, a complication?”

Nemeth pauses, and then chuckles. “I think our story is complicated enough already, don’t you?”

He’s got a point. I manage a wobbly smile. “It’s certainly not getting any easier.”

He strokes his knuckles over my cheek again, wiping away my tears. The look on his face is incredibly tender. “How are you certain you have Fellian blood?”

“I asked the knife. I didn’t understand how I was pregnant, and I wondered if that was why. Maybe I have more Fellian in me than others in the Vestalin bloodline and that’s why I’m ‘cursed.’ Maybe the two bloods don’t get along.”

“Maybe you have magic,” Nemeth says softly. “Fellian magic.”

I snort at that. “I don’t even know how to answer that. There’s no way I have Fellian magic. If I did, I certainly wouldn’t have eaten cold turnips for half a year because I ran out of firewood.”

He’s not laughing with me, though. Nemeth looks very serious. “Just because you haven’t been taught doesn’t mean you don’t have magic in your blood. Every Fellian is born with it. If you have Fellian blood, perhaps you have Fellian magic, too.”

He honestly thinks I have magic? “How would I have magic?”

“There are ways to tell. Tests. Trials.” Nemeth looks gravely concerned. “A human with magic is what a Fellian fears most. It’s our edge against your rapaciousness and cruelty.”

By the gods, he’s making me sound like a monster. I’m stung. It’s not quite an accusation, but it’s close. “Then use your magic and give me one of these tests. I can show you that I don’t have any. If I did, do you think I’d take a potion daily that would make me feel like absolute garbage? Do you think I’d suffer through the illness that comes with a skipped dose? Or would I just wave a hand and cure myself?”

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