Page 164 of Bound to the Shadow Prince

My friend trembles, her eyes pleading.

As if I could sell her out? As if I have not dreamed of seeing her again, hugging her? Do they truly think me so capricious? But I suppose I have been in the past. That spoiled, gossipy Candra of old seems so very far away. Now I am simply tired. Tired and defeated.

My mate is using me. He doesn’t love me.

My sister is a shell of herself, her children gone.

My kingdom is in ruins.

All that I have left is Riza. “I would never put you in danger,” I vow to her. “You have my word.”

She gets to her feet, searching my face as if seeking her answers there. As if she doesn’t believe me. “Will you join us, then? Join Second House to take down First House? With a Vestalin on our side, we can convince the people that Tolian and his house are truly with us. If we let First House stand, Ivornath’s madness will destroy us all.”

“I can’t let Nemeth be hurt,” I confess. “Even if this is all a lie, I still care for him. I still need to talk to him. There’s more at stake than just my life.”

And I run my hand over my rounded belly to show her just what I mean.

Riza nods in understanding. “Ajaxi and Ivornath must be destroyed. Nemeth can be exiled.”

“But—” Tolian begins to protest.

He’s silenced by a shake of Riza’s head. “If nothing else, he can be sent back to the tower.”

My heart aches at the thought of Nemeth, alone and miserable in the tower once more, without room to spread his wings and fly. How can I have so much sympathy for someone who has hurt me and used me at every turn?

I still love him, and I hate that about myself. I want to be as cold and hard as Erynne…but I can’t.

I wonder, absently, what the goddess will do if there are no Fellians of First House to fulfill their half of the Royal Offering. If there are only Vestalins left. I suppose if there are no Fellians left in First House, no one can be sent to the tower…

Except my child. I rub my belly, hating that their fate has already been decided. “I’ll speak to Nemeth tonight and will let you know my answer in the morning. I will let you know if I am with you.”

“If you are not, I fear we are all doomed,” Riza says.

She might be right, and yet I cannot make a choice without speaking to Nemeth first. I must find out from him if all that Riza says is true…and I will find my answers, I suspect, in what he does not tell me.

A short time later,Tolian returns me with a quick teleport back to Nemeth’s quarters.

There is still no sign of my mate, and my heart aches with the realization that he is going behind my back…or so it seems. They could be wrong, I reason. Nemeth’s actions might be lumped in with Ajaxi and Ivornath, but perhaps he’s not working with them and that’s why they sent him back to the tower.

There could be any number of reasons as to why Nemeth was sent to the tower, and they don’t necessarily have to do with me. It could be anything, I tell myself. Anything at all.

And if Nemeth would just be straightforward with me, I’d feel so much better. I’d trust him again. Truly, all he needs to do is throw me a bone. Just one. Just a morsel.

I put the stone back in the teleport circle and pace around the room restlessly. I can’t explore the rest of the house, so I’m more or less confined to our bedroom, and I hate it. I hate that it makes me feel trapped, like when we were in the tower. I hate that it makes me feel as if I’m an afterthought in Nemeth’s life. Like I’m a pretty bird to be caged until it’s time for me to sing.

I hate all of this, so much.

Eventually, the door opens down below, and I all but fly to the edge of the bedroom and peer down. “Nemeth?”

“My mate.” His voice is as warm and delicious as ever, and my heart aches painfully. In the next moment, he’s behind me, pulling me away from the ledge, and his arms go around me. “Do not stand so close to the edge,milettahn. It would break me if you were to fall and hurt yourself.”

He nuzzles the top of my head, as loving and sweet as ever, and I want to cry with the agony of it. Why is he so good atpretending, if he truly doesn’t care for me? “I’m glad you’re back,” I manage. “Where did you go?”

“Where I always go,” Nemeth says, a hint of wry humor in his tone. “To stand at my brother’s doorstep and beg for an audience.”

I turn in his arms, trying not to frown. “He still won’t see you?”

He shakes his head. “Being stubborn. Ivornath grew up knowing he was to take the throne, and it made him impossible to budge when he had an idea in his head. Acquiring the throne has made him less willing to listen, and aging even more so. Willful fool.”

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