Page 7 of Theirs to Have

“You are the most confusing man that I’ve ever met, Cash. That night that we shared, it felt like you put up a wall, not letting me in. Sure, you gave me just what I asked for, but you seemed so distant.” Mercy’s words stung and he knew that there would be no avoiding the truth, not if he wanted his chance with her. He was going to have to tell her about Jasmine and that might have her running like hell and never looking back. What if the baby was his and she wouldn’t let him in their lives? He was taking one hell of a chance telling Mercy about Jasmine but what choice did he have?

“I’m sorry that I made you feel unwanted, little one.” She shot him a look that told him that she didn’t quite believe him. “My past relationships haven’t been—well, let’s just say theyhaven’t been easy.” He barked out a laugh at the irony of his own words. Not easy was an understatement but how was he supposed to go about describing how it felt to walk into his bedroom to find his dead ex-sub?

“I used to share women,” he whispered. “Like the night that the three of us spent together but not for just one night.” Cash stood and pulled his hair free from the neat ponytail that he pulled it back into. He ran his hands through his hair and was pretty sure that he looked like an untamed lion after he finished, which fit his mood.

“Sorry, this is hard for me to talk about,” he admitted. Mercy crossed the room from where she had stopped pacing and wrapped her arms around his waist. He leaned into her body, taking the comfort that she was so willingly giving him. “My best friend, Slade, and I liked to share women. It started around the time that I first opened the bar. We have known each other since high school and sharing the same woman just worked for us. I was dominant and he liked having someone else call the shots in the bedroom. We would find women who wanted what we did and bring them up here to share. We had a few long-term relationships but nothing too serious. If one of us grew tired of the situation or wanted out, we would just move on to the next sub.” Cash hesitated knowing that he was sounding like a complete ass for the way that he and Slade had treated women. They were young and stupid but that didn’t excuse the fact that they should have known better. They were all consenting adults, but things sometimes went too far.

Mercy remained quiet, her arms still around him so he took that as a good sign—she wasn’t running, yet. “Slade and I met a woman named Jasmine and things got pretty serious between the three of us. She even moved in here with him and I. Slade fell head over ass for her, but I just never felt those same sparks. It got to the point where Jasmine and Slade were making plans forthe future, and I felt like a fraud. I couldn’t see myself with them for the rest of my life. Slade came home one night and told me that he bought Jasmine a ring and that he wanted to ask her to marry us.” Cash reluctantly released Mercy and sat down on his sofa. He didn’t know if he’d be able to get this next part out or if she would even want to hear it, but he needed to just rip the band-aid off and get it over with.

“I told Slade that I didn’t feel that way about Jasmine and that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be in a committed relationship with either of them. God, the look of hurt on his face nearly killed me.” Cash couldn’t even bring himself to look at Mercy. She crossed the room and sat next to him on the sofa. She didn’t touch him but having her close felt like a balm to his broken soul.

“Later that night, Jasmine came home, and Slade asked her to marry him. When she asked about me and if I was going to continue to be a part of the relationship, I had to come clean and tell her that I wasn’t in love with her,” Cash’s voice cracked and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to say the next part out loud.

“Oh Cash, you did the right thing. You couldn’t be a part of a relationship that was moving forward without you. If you didn’t love her, it was best to let Jasmine go. Did she and Slade get married and find happiness?” Mercy’s question had his gut clenching. He shook his head, not ready to tell the rest of the story and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head to her shoulder. God, it felt good to be touched like that. Cash wasn’t sure of the last time he let someone comfort him the way he was letting Mercy touch him right now.

“Please tell me the rest, Cash. I’m not going to judge you, not ever.” Mercy kissed his forehead and he just about lost his nerve. She had to be the kindest woman that he had ever met. Telling her his ugly story felt wrong, but he knew that he had to finish what he started.

“She died, Mercy.” He didn’t try to hide his tears, letting them freely fall. Mercy thumbed away a tear, framing his face with her gentle hands.

“I’m so sorry, Cash. How did she die?” Mercy held him, waiting him out.

“She killed herself here in my bedroom.” Mercy’s gasp nearly did him in, but he didn’t chance to look into her eyes, too afraid to find disappointment or disgust staring back at him. He had seen all those things and so much anger in Slade’s eyes when he rushed back home after Cash called him to tell him about Jasmine.

“When I told her that I couldn’t be a part of her and Slade’s relationship any longer, she broke it off with both of us. She wasn’t in love with Slade, just me. It was quite a triangle that we had with all the wrong people in love with each other. Slade was so hurt that he packed his shit and left, swearing that he’d never speak to me again. Jasmine also moved out, telling me that if I changed my mind, to call her.” Cash laughed. He remembered that day so vividly that his heart still ached. He rubbed at the imaginary hurt, willing it to stop but nothing seemed to soothe it. Mercy placed her hand on top of his as if knowing his pain.

“So, you lost your best friend, and he lost the woman that he loved?” Cash nodded.

“It still fucking hurts but that’s why I won’t share anymore. Or at least why I didn’t share before that night with you and Callan.” Mercy pulled his hand to her mouth, gently kissing each one of his fingers and he felt some of his defenses melt away.

“What happened after they both moved out?” Mercy asked resting his hand under hers on her lap.

“Nothing really, not at first. Months passed and I tried like hell to see Slade. I called and sent messages, and he continued to ignore me. It was like I was losing my brother, and I wasn’t sure how to fix things with him. He was angry with me for fuckingeverything up with Jasmine. I hoped that with time he’d forgive me, and we could be friends again, but I was wrong. One day, I was bartending, and I noticed that my office door was open. No one is allowed back there without my permission, so I went to check it out. When I saw that my apartment door was also left open I ran upstairs half hoping that Slade had come back. Instead, I found Jasmine in my bed, dead from a sleeping pill overdose. She had a prescription for them, and she swallowed the whole bottle. By the time I found her, she was unresponsive. The EMT’s told me that she had been gone for about half an hour. I still wonder what would have happened if the bar wasn’t so busy that night and I would have noticed my office door being open sooner.” Cash shook his head, still disgusted with himself for not paying more attention to details that might have saved Jasmine’s life. He wasn’t in love with her, but he cared for her, and seeing her dead was the last thing he wanted.

“Oh Cash,” Mercy’s voice cracked, and he could tell that she was crying again. He still refused to look at her, not wanting to see the monster that he had become reflected in her beautiful brown eyes.

“I think it might be best if I just take you home, Mercy,” he whispered. He stood to grab his truck keys from the kitchen counter, and she grabbed his hand, effectively stopping him.

“Please don’t, Cash,” Mercy squeaked. “Don’t shut me out again. Look at me,” she said with a little more force. He hesitated but couldn’t help himself. If this was the last time that he might ever see Mercy again he wanted to look at her, memorize her face, and store it away for safekeeping. Because whether he liked it or not, she was starting to mean something to him, something more than just a one-night threesome.

Mercy stood and pulled him into her body, her little bump pressing up against him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Cash. Jasmine decided to take her own life and Slade made thedecision to walk away from your friendship. You were just being true to your heart.” Mercy covered her hand over his beating heart, and he thought that it might just leap out of his damn chest. How did she do that to him? With her, he felt more than he ever had with anyone else, and it scared him. What if Mercy didn’t want him the way that he was beginning to want her? Fuck, what if she wanted Callan instead of him, then what? Would he be able to bow out gracefully and not lose one of his closest friends or would he fuck up and lose them both? He wasn’t sure that he liked his odds, in either case. All Cash knew was that the three of them needed to figure something out and fast because there was about to be a baby in the mix, and he wouldn’t let their fuckups mess up their kid.

Mercy

Hearing Cash’s story and the way that he opened up to her, finally letting her in, made her want him all the more. Hell, he and Callan were all that she could think about for the past six months. Of course, carrying their baby didn’t help matters. Every flutter and stretch mark had her thinking back to that night with the two of them. The ways that they took her over and over, using her body for their pleasure and giving her so much in return gave her some great late-night fantasies. She imagined the three of them together, happy about the new little life that they created, and she turned to a puddle of mush. She knew that her fantasy couldn’t be further from the reality that she faced alone daily. That still didn’t stop her from longing for them both.

When Cash brought her back to the bar and they found Callan in the parking lot, she secretly hoped that they would both drag her upstairs and remind her of how they both wanted her. But Callan walking away so angry with her and Cash nipped that idea in the bud. Honestly, both men had every right to be upset with her. Hell, they should be pissed that she kept her pregnancy from them for over six months. She was afraid of what would happen if the two of them found out that shewas having their baby. She was afraid of how the whole damn town would act if it became common knowledge that she had a threesome and got pregnant. She was sure that the hospital would let her go, just as they had Emily, and she needed her job. It was the only thing keeping her and her gram from living on the streets.

Her grandmother’s pension only stretched so far, and they relied heavily on Mercy’s paychecks. She was working extra hours at the hospital trying to squirrel away every cent she could for when she needed to take a few months off. There were a few nurses in her department who were single moms, and they worked themselves ragged just trying to pay for daycare. She was sure that her grandmother wouldn’t be able to take care of the baby. She shouldn’t have to either. Her gram raised her kids and now, it was her time to enjoy life. She was extremely active at the local senior center and was even dating one of the older gentlemen who also went there named Joe. Mercy thought it was adorable the way that they liked to go to bingo together and even get dressed up to attend the dances that they held at the center. Her gram seemed quite taken with Joe and Mercy was happy for her. She didn’t want her mistakes to come back and hurt her grandmother. She hadn’t even told her that she was pregnant yet, although her gram had hinted at knowing.

Mercy knew that the day of reckoning was upon her and that she was going to have to tell everyone about the baby. He or she would be there in less than three months and then she’d have no choice. She counted herself fortunate that she hadn’t shown much but now she noticed her little tummy growing more each day. Her only saving grace was that she wore scrubs to work, and they hid many flaws, including her ever-expanding waistline.

“So now what?” Cash stood in front of her not quite knowing what to do. She begged him to let her in and he had but he was trying to push her away and she was afraid that she wouldn’t beable to reach him again. Mercy shrugged, not sure what her next move should be. She was afraid that anything that she would try might push him further away.

“I don’t know Cash. I guess I go home and when the baby comes, I’ll call both you and Callan to come to the hospital to be tested.” Cash’s frustrated growl told her that he wasn’t too happy with that idea.

“You told me not to push you away, to let you in, little one. How about you do the same for me?” She looked up to find so much intensity in Cash’s green, soulful eyes that she almost felt the need to look away. Mercy stood her ground refusing to be a coward.

“I’m not sure what you want from me Cash,” Mercy whispered.

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