“You said just a kiss,” I say, accusing him of something, though I’m not sure what.
“That’s all it was.” His eyes are glassy, confused.
It wasn’t. It was so much more than that. It was an assault of my senses, a fucking invasion. He broke in and robbed me of something, a critical part of my will, and it terrifies me.
“I’m done eating,” I say. “May I go?”
“If that’s what you want.”
I do. Like an army that’s just received a massive blow to their front line, I retreat to assess the damage. It’s unclear just how deeply he infiltrated my defenses, but there’s one thing I know for sure.
I’ve been left vulnerable.
10
SOFIA
Isit in my alcove for a long time, pondering everything I thought I knew about myself. I’m viewing my life through a magnifying lens, judging all of my decisions and actions. All of my thoughts.
Am I good? I’ve always believed it, but can find no evidence.
“He’s just messing with me,” I say.
Gideon got under my skin and in my head. By his own admission, he’s good at it.
But it doesn’t make what he said any less true. It makes me desperate to do something good, anything— help and a little old lady cross the street, rescue an injured bird, give a kidney.
However, none of it would be selfless now that Gideon pointed it out. It would be nothing more than an attempt to prove the Devil wrong.
The Devil…
What if heisthe Devil? How would he know me so well? What does that make me?
His.
The thought sends a shiver through me.
“Ugh!” I slam my fist against the cushion beneath me. I want to kill Gideon for doing this to me.
By lunchtime, when we split a huge club sandwich and chips, I’ve obsessed so much I feel sick to my stomach.
“You’re not eating,” Gideon points out the obvious.
“I’m not hungry.” I set the enormous sandwich down.
“Starving yourself isn’t the way to my heart?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m taking a day off from that.”
“A day? You just started this morning.”
“Well, this morning I was someone else. I was sure of who I was. Good. Sweet. Now thanks to you, I have no idea who I am anymore.” I bite my lower lip and wrap my arms around myself. “Who am I?”
Gideon lets out a long breath. Setting his food down, he elegantly dabs at the sides of his mouth with his napkin. He stands and says, “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“I wasn’t ready to show you this yet, but it seems you need something to keep you busy so you don’t go down a self-destruct rabbit hole.”