Page 52 of Tangled in Vows

Instead, my head is spinning, and my thoughts are turning my stomach into a knot of panic and guilt, all while my heart is racing with nerves and fear.

What am I going to tell her if she asks why I left? Am I really going to tell her the truth?

Chapter 17

Olivia

Where did you go? Are you happy we’re through?

Ismooth my shirt over my leggings, fully aware I’m stalling. Like a total lunatic, I stand in front of my bedroom door, giving myself a pep talk to actually leave the room. How has this become my new thing?

Pathetic.

“Come on, where’s my hurricane? Show me how powerful you are.”

Holden started calling me Hurricane because I accidentally ran into him the day we met. But the bravado to talk to this stranger was mostly fake, and Holden learned over the following days and weeks that I was a master at pretending.

So whenever he saw I wanted to hide from the world, he’d call on my hurricane. He nurtured a strength inside me I’d forgotten existed, constantly validating my skills and talents and helping me become more comfortable with singing around people. He was consistently honest with me and encouraged me to make decisions. He became the first person I trusted since myparents passed. And then he pulled the rug out from under me, and nothing was ever the same again.

Iwas never the same again.

Now, I live this glamorous life and pretend I’m all right. On the inside, I’ve never entirely managed to move on from the aftermath of the destruction Holden left behind.

But if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be where I am today either.

Some days, I hate him for that.

Many of my songs, especially the early ones, have parts that remind me of him. Parts I’ve written for him. Things I wish I could say to him, both good and bad. Memories and reminders that made me sad but also happy.

He made me feel comfortable and safe and never mistreated me, all while looking like a male supermodel. He made me laugh so hard I cried and cared for me when I was sick. Once I got more comfortable around him, I started craving the hugs he gave me. They could even make the worst day better. At some point, I became aware of his eyes on me when he thought I didn’t notice, and he made me believe maybe, one day, we could be more than just friends.

His inspiration and support were endless, making it impossible to escape thinking about him.

He showed me how a guy should treat a woman, and no other man has compared since.

But no matter what he tells me now, I will not fall for his charm again.

Trust is a bit like building a house. Brick by brick. Followed by lots of love and upkeep. The cozy house Holden and I had built is in utter shambles, and I wasn’t the hurricane who tore through it. He was. And from the looks of it, it’s beyond repair.

Stormy’s happy barks sound through the condo, giving me the push to finally get my butt out there.

No more of this past crap now. I can’t cure it anyway.

Stormy. Let’s focus on her.

At least she never has to find out just how destructive it feels to be left behind by the person you thought would be in your life forever. To feel as though the hole the person left in your heart has blinded you to the world’s wonders, leaving you unable to ever witness them again.

I’m unsure what would have happened if I hadn’t had her and my music. If I hadn’t gotten the offer for a music deal on the day Holden disappeared. On the day I ran home to tell him the news, only to find him gone.

You just said no more of this, so stop.

I yank open the door; the metal of the handle cool to the touch.

Once I’m on the stairs, nails immediately click on the hardwood, racing closer.

Stormy skitters across the living room with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. I blame the weird brain space I’m in for sinking to my knees when she reaches me and cuddling into her fur.

At least you can always count on her.

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