Page 89 of Baking With A Rockstar

Closing my eyes for a moment, I’m willing the emotions away that are trying to bubble to the surface. “I’m not sure what I want. I don’t know what the right thing to do is.”

She pats my arm gently. “You know, doing the right thing when it comes to love is tricky because it’s not the same for everyone. What’s good for one person isn’t necessarily good for the next. What’s going too fast for some people might be taking too long for others. Love has its own, very non-conforming way for all of us—it’s unique, just like every human is.”

Taking a moment to process all that info, I study her curiously. “You really think so?”

She laughs loudly. “Oh, you bet. Back when I saw my old Frank for the first time, I knew right then and there that he was it for me. I was sure there would never be a man in my life that I’d love as much as I loved him, and I was right. I loved him with all my heart until his very last day. Things now with Paul are completely different. We’ve been friends for years, but sparks didn’t start flying until last year—it came somewhat out of the blue. For me, at least. And I know I can’t compare these two people and relationships in any way, but I do know they’re both wonderful.”

“That makes sense, I guess.” As embarrassing as it is—and I wouldn’t admit it out loud either—I’ve gotten most of my love information and advice from books and other media forms. No one in my family has ever been very successful when it comes to love and relationships. Mo has been my only close friend growing up—and her main love has always been dancing.

“Love is a gift we should enjoy as much as we possibly can when we’re given it. Take it as it is—one of the best and most beautiful things that can ever happen to you if you find the right person.” She can probably hear my wheels spinning, because she gives me a moment.

I trust Hannah and her advice in a way I don’t trust anything else, so I’m trying to make a real effort and take her words to heart.

“There are a few things you should ask yourself, Charlie. Do you want to fall asleep and wake up next to that one person for the rest of your life? Do they make you happy? I mean,reallyhappy and also a better person? Do they treat you well? Are they the first person you want to tell about your good day or when something exciting happens? And are they the first person you want a hug from after a bad day? All very simple questions, but the answers are not only crucial, they also make all the difference.”

She looks at me as if I should know all of the answers right now. Is that the problem and what I’m so hung up on, or do I already know all the answers?

“Hey.” Hannah nudges my shoulder. “I know this is freaking you out. You’re still so young, and you’ve already gone through so much in your life. I get it. I’d be scared too. But that’s exactly the reason you have to look for these answers and follow your heart. Because if you never do anything you’re scared of, you’ll never truly live either. And you, my friend, deserve to live life to the fullest. More than anyone else I know.”

Her words hit me so deeply, bringing back all the pain and hurt from growing up in a messed-up family, to losing the only family I had left and unexpectedly becoming a mother in the same moment, just to be left by my fiancé the day after.

All of that has made me more wary of life than anything else ever has. The question now is, will I let the fact that things can end badly at any moment rule my fears or my desire to live life to the fullest?

Turning to Hannah, I let out a big breath, trying to calm myself down enough so the overwhelming emotions won’t turn into tears. “Thank you. Seems like I have a lot to think about.”

She nods, giving me her signature grandmotherly smile that’s both reassuring and calming. Before she can say anything else, Hudson’s voice comes from behind us.

“Ah, there are my two favorite girls.” He walks around the couch to stand in front of us. “Well, there’s one more, but she’s sleeping right now, so I guess that leaves you two.”

“You charmer, you.” Hannah looks amused, wiggling her finger at her grandson.

Hudson bends down between us on the couch to kiss our cheeks. “It’s true, Grandma. I swear.” He winks at me. “I’m gonna get something to drink. Do you guys want anything?”

I shake my head while Hannah pushes herself off the couch. “I’m good, honey, but thank you. It’s late, so I’m going to leave you kids to it and try to get some sleep. It’s been a busy week.”

“Goodnight, Grandma.” He kisses her cheek one more time before wandering into the kitchen, leaving me and Hannah alone again.

She lowers her voice so only I can hear her. “I’m here for you, no matter what, even if you just want to talk some more. Believe in yourself, because I think you know exactly what you want, sweetie. Don’t be afraid to get it and hold onto it tightly.” She walks around the couch and squeezes my shoulder once more when she passes me. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.”

“You too, Hannah. And thank you, again.”

“Always.” She waves me off, slowly walking out of the room.

Hudson strolls back over after a moment, a bottle of beer and a bowl of grapes in his hands. “Everything okay? Grandma had her lecturing look on her face.”

Choking on the sip of wine I just took, I put the glass back down on the table so I don’t spill anything.

Not even waiting a beat, he sets down his bottle and bowl and puts his arm around me, gently rubbing my back until my coughs finally subside.

As if it’s second nature, I lean into his touch, immediately feeling comforted by his presence.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he lets out a big sigh. “Let me turn that off quickly.”

“Maybe it’s important.” I try and move out of his embrace but he holds onto me.

“I’m pretty sure it’s my manager, again. He’s been driving me crazy these past few days. He calls me all the time. Apparently, he thinks my time’s up and I need to make a decision. Even though he knows we’ll tell him as a group next week, after we see each other at the wedding.”

“I’m sorry. Hopefully he can understand.” I give his arm a squeeze. “Are you excited to see everyone again?”

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