Page 53 of Baking With A Rockstar

Hudson comes a little closer, as if he can sense I might need the support. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for you—for all of you. And I totally get the emotions thing. I’ve chosen to turn my emotions off a few times over the years, especially after the whole Addy thing, when it just became too much. But then I learned something very important. Without the negative, I’d also miss the positive, and wouldn’t that be quite tragic.”

“You’re absolutely right. Mira has taught me that much already.” We both have matching smiles on our faces at the mention of my baby girl.

Sadly, it also makes me think of what I have to tell Hudson next, and my smile vanishes again. Looking down at my hands in my lap, I play with the seam of my shirt. “I got into a routine that worked for me, even though my life was rather monotonous—school, studying, work, and helping my grandma—until I met Sebastian my first year of college. He was a few years older and everything I thought I needed and wanted.”

I was such an idiot. “We both had similar values and goals of what we wanted out of life—his law career was the most important thing to him, but he also wanted a wife by his side and some children in the future. He was calm and level-headed, and very matter-of-fact. He also didn’t drink excessively or do drugs, so he was a winner in my book. We started dating and one thing led to another. We got engaged a couple years later, and we were going to get married last summer.”

Hudson inhales sharply when I glance up at him, and he looks like he hasn’t decided which emotion to express first. His eyes show a hint of anger while the softness still remains in them. Rubbing his hands over his face, he gives me a pleading look. “But you didn’t get married, right?”

I shake my head. “No. I spent part of my summer in France last year, learning from some of the best pastry chefs in the world. I had been back for a few days when Sebastian canceled the wedding. It was only two weeks before we were supposed to get married.”

He jerks back a few inches. “Seriously? What the hell? What kind of person does something like that? That’s so messed up. What an asshole.”

My heart is racing in my chest like a herd of wild horses. “Sadly enough, at that moment, I couldn’t give a crap about not getting married to him anymore. What broke my whole world apart was what had happened the day before, when my life as I knew it shattered.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Hudson’s faceis a display of confusion and anger, and I don’t blame him one bit. I can almost see the wheels turning in his mind, coming up with all sorts of different scenarios to what I’ve told him.

He’s probably wondering why in the world I wouldn’t care about my canceled wedding.

What could possibly be worse than that?

After all, that was a big part of the bad experience he had with his crazy ex—on top of the whole faking to become pregnant, of course.

My mind is in overdrive too, trying to prepare me for what’s to come. I want to back out on my word so badly, get up right now and run away from this whole conversation, because this sucks. Itnevergets easier. It feels like something is blocking my airways, making it suddenly hard to breathe.

I try to swallow but without a lot of success.

“Shh. Hey, it’s okay. I’m right here.” Hudson puts his arms around me, rubbing my upper arm gently, almost as if he’s afraid he might break me otherwise. “Please, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I never would’ve asked had I known it’s that bad for you. I can’t stand to see you like this.” His voice breaks at the end, and I make myself look up at him and his clouded expression.

Sniffing loudly, I force the tears away. “I have to, Hudson. It’s going to break my heart all over again, and I’m afraid of your reaction, but you deserve to know.Ineed you to know.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Are you sure? It’s clearly hurting you, and I hate that.”

I nod, not trusting myself to talk about how I feel right now. Instead, I return my focus to my story, all of a sudden just wanting to get it all out and over with.

“You might have guessed that Sebastian wasn’t too fond of my family, especially my sister, Rachel. She was the problem child, turning out to be just as bad as my mom always was. She saw a lot of different guys, got into drugs, drank a lot, and never even tried to keep a job. I found her passed out on my grandma’s doorstep more than once, and she barely ever remembered how she got there. My grandma was an angel to keep a roof over her head. I’m sure a lot of people would’ve kicked her out, but luckily for my sister, our grandma was different.”

The thought of Grandma and her kind nature makes me smile. Thinking about her still makes me sad, but the good memories of her are so much stronger that it’s gotten easier to focus on those.

“She sounds like she was an extraordinary person. I’m so sad you lost someone that special, especially after everything you had to go through already.” His hand finds mine, and I hold onto it like it’s my lifeline.

“She was my rock. She and Mo kept me alive all those years when life wanted to pull me deep under. Everything that happened with my mom and my sister was very overwhelming to me. At times, it almost felt too much to deal with. If it wasn’t for them, I might’ve given up at some point, I’m not sure.” I shrug, stunned at the words that just came out of my mouth.

Before now, I don’t think I realized those thoughts were there, at least not on a conscious level, and it’s pulling the ground away from under my feet. But now isn’t the time to digest that. “Forget I just said that. I don’t...I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

He’s rubbing one of his eyebrows, his gaze flitting over the backyard for a moment before returning to me. “Are you sure? Sometimes we say things out loud without realizing they’re true until then.”

I keep nodding, not wanting to even think about that possibility.

Instead, I focus back on that horrible day in my past, the words ready to replay it all. “The day before Sebastian called things off was my final wedding dress fitting. My grandma and Rachel came with me to the bridal shop. It was a lovely day, and I could finally enjoy time with my family since Rachel had changed drastically over the previous year. She had distanced herself from her old friends and their lifestyle. She was more like the old Rachel from when we were younger, the one I had loved and missed so much. Everything was finally falling into place, and life was good.”

Hudson sat as close to the edge of the couch as possible without falling off. I wonder if he’d be pacing around if it wasn’t for me and my obvious nerves. “What happened then? What changed things so drastically?”

“When we were done at the bridal store, I parted ways with my grandma and Rachel and headed back home to my small apartment.”

Hudson holds up a hand, his eyebrows pulled tightly together. “Wait a second. You didn’t live with...with Sebastian?” He spits out the name, the dislike obvious in his voice.

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