Page 37 of Baking With A Rockstar

After swallowing loudly, he tears his eyes away from mine and focuses on his hands instead. “Despite being so young, we talked a lot about our shared dream of having a big family. It was one of the first things we bonded over. A few weeks before I proposed, we decided to try and start our family. Several months later, I came back home early after a canceled meeting and heard Addy talking in the study. She was on the phone, telling the other person that she’d wrapped me around her little finger, promising me kids, even though she hated them and never wanted any. She said she’d never allow a little pest to ruin her perfect body like that.”

My heart is hurting for him. I can’t imagine the kind of pain and betrayal he must have felt during that time. Having the person you love do something so cruel and heartless to you must not only be hard to accept, but also incredibly hard to overcome.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons we get along so well.

Maybe our pasts are why we connected so quickly.

“I guess she had some sort of medical explanation lined up for me that would explain why she couldn’t get pregnant, and I’d have never been the wiser. I stood in front of the door, listening to her as she laid out her whole plan to the person on the phone, laughing the whole time. This was a side of her I’d never seen before.

“At that moment, I realized the strong possibility of not even knowing the real her. The reality of that hit me so hard, I thought someone punched me in the gut. I also must have made a noise because she suddenly looked straight up at me. The terror in her eyes was real, I know that much. She ended the call immediately and tried to apologize, giving me one lame excuse after the other, but we both knew her game was over. She moved out the next day, and I hadn’t seen her since.”

My head is spinning so wildly, all I’m capable of is staring at him for what feels like an eternity before I get up and give him a hug.

Because he deserves one.

I pull him close. “I don’t know what to say. I’m incredibly sorry that happened to you. I still can’t believe someone would actually do something like that.”

He hugs me back so fiercely a little corner of my heart breaks for him. At this moment, I feel like I’m his lifeline, the pain and sorrow almost palpable between us.

We stay like this for a while, neither one of us saying a word.

When we pull apart, he looks me straight in the eye with a cautious expression. “Thank you. I... You’re actually the first person I’ve ever told the real reason we broke up.”

That immediately gets my attention and to say I’m stunned is an understatement. Did I hear that right? He’s never told this toanyone? Not even his family? That can’t be right. “No one?”

Shaking his head, he bites his lower lip. “I was hurt, and I guess also embarrassed about falling for Addy’s whole spiel. I told you, my family never liked her much, and my bandmates merely endured her when she was around, so that made me the only idiot to fall for it. Man, I was so incredibly blind, I still want to kick my own ass for it. Badly. I’d only ever known her as this sweet, caring person and nothing else.”

I give his arm a reassuring squeeze before sitting back down. “I totally get it. I think sometimes things like that just happen, and we’re almost unable to see behind the façade.” I shrug, understanding him so much better than he knows, but not wanting to go down memory lane myself. “How did she take it?”

“Not well, as you can probably imagine. The gossip magazines were running their mouths like crazy about our breakup, posting rumor after rumor. I think the worst ones were about me cheating, a pregnancy I wasn’t happy about, and alcohol and drug problems. The list was endless. Of course, it was all from anonymous sources, but I think everyone who knew the real Addy knew she was behind it. That’s probably why my siblings react so extreme whenever her name pops up. I quickly learned Addy doesn’t shy away from dragging others through dirt, if it benefits her in any way. All that matters is her career and how she looks in the public eye.”

Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact people like that actually exist. Now, everything he told me about her is starting to make a lot more sense. He really was telling the truth when he said he wanted to protect us. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, especially by yourself. I wish you’d have told someone the real reason. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He only shrugs, giving me a sad look. I feel like a jerk for doing this to him, to us, but I don’t know how else to handle the situation.

When Hudson goes to the bathroom, he gives me a few minutes to process the new information. By the time he gets back, the puzzle pieces are slowly coming together. “Is that when you started having problems with your music?”

It’s hard to explain, but it’s oddly rewarding to see this vulnerable side of him since it’s so different from the funny and carefree Hudson I’ve seen so far. Even though I’m sad he had to experience all of this, I’m glad it allows me to see him in another light.

“Not so much at first, but it pulled me down further and further with each passing month, as the media kept talking and speculating. I guess, at some point, it got to be too much and really kicked my inspiration in the ass, which made me hate Addy even more. I fell into a deep hole for a while, not knowing what to do with myself or my career. What she’d done, mixed with what I’d lost, was too much for me to handle. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t even write music to deal with any of it. It was, without a doubt, one of my lowest points in life.”

His gaze meets mine, his faint laugh lines framing those beautiful brown chocolate eyes as a shy smile slowly takes over his face. “Can you understand now why I was so ecstatic when I met you? It felt like I just got ten years’ worth of birthday and Christmas presents combined. It was like seeingyouunlocked that box in my brain, and you’ve inspired some of the best music I’ve written.Ever. To top it off, you turn out to be this amazing person with the most adorable baby girl in the world. These last few weeks have felt like a miracle to me, like I’ve won life’s jackpot.”

Well,dang it.

Emotions threaten to close up my throat, and I swallow several times to stop them. Memories from my own awful last year flood my mind, the thoughts of getting back up after hitting the lowest point of my life so overwhelming, I get dizzy for a moment.

Hudson steadies me, his hand firmly holding onto my elbow.

I want to tell him I feel the same, that my life has gotten so much better since I met him because it’s true. But I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is.

I blink at him. “Thanks for saying that. I can’t tell you how much that means to me, especially after the year I’ve just had.”

“Will you tell me about it?” His voice is quiet, but I love this newfound connection and openness between us.

Despite everything that just transpired, I have to chuckle. “I don’t think I can handle any more crazy-ex stories for today. But I will another day, if you still want to know.”

“I’ll take anything you’re willing to share. At least I won’t be the only one with a crazy ex then.” He winks at me, making the suppressed butterflies in my stomach stir again.

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