Page 21 of Black Lace

I don't think I can breathe as I look into his bright, blue eyes. I have no idea what I expected him to say, but I didn't think that it would be something so completely and utterly full of his clear love for me without him saying outright that he loves me.

"Declan," I whisper, and I wipe a tear from my eye as I do.

I'm overwhelmed by everything. Gramps having a heart attack. Being cheated on. Sleeping with Dec. It's all just so much, but I didn't realize until this very moment how scared I've been. Deep down, I've also been completely and utterly terrified that I would lose not just my fiancé, but also this man who I've loved for justas many years, and a friendship that has meant far more to me than I care to admit.

He comes over to my lounger and I instinctively move over so that there's enough space for him to sit beside me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his embrace.

"Don't cry, Tiff," he says in a husky voice before he kisses my head. "I don't ever want you to cry. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and if I could give that to you, I would."

His words remind me of the other question I had for him, and I rest my head against his chest, listening to the heart beating there as I look out over the water, with the sound of the waves crashing on the shore competing with his rhythmic heartbeat.

"You told me that you've imagined fucking me before." I don't even know how to ask this in a way that isn't awkward, so I just plunge forward. "If you wanted that, why did you stay friends with me when I got together with Ben?"

His heart beats faster in his chest and he sighs softly before responding. "I was friends with you both and I thought you two were forever. All of our families are so close. I figured it was better to pretend I didn't want you and to keep the peace than to try and rock any boats and possibly start some massive shitstorm."

"Like Ben did when he decided to fuck Ashley," I spitwith venom, a wave of anger crashing over me unexpectedly.

Dec squeezes me tighter and kisses my head again, it's so sweet and comforting that my anger recedes as fast as the waves in front of us.

"Benjamin Littrell is a fucking idiot. I've watched him slowly lose you over the last decade. I promise I wasn't waiting around for you two to break up." I feel him shake his head above me. "I honestly thought you were going to end up married, with kids, and in a miserable marriage, but it wasn't my place to stop you."

I'm shocked by his assessment of my previous relationship, and I tell him, "I was mostly happy with Ben."

Dec strokes my back with his hand and kisses my head again. "Were you, Tiff? Really? If you say so. I was just judging from the number of times I sat comforting you when we were out while he took off to get high instead of enjoying your company."

His words have an undercurrent of anger that I know aren't directed at me, but I'm annoyed and mildly defensive of my relationship with Ben, so I sit up out of his embrace.

"I think I would know better than you," I say in a cool tone.

Dec holds his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you at all."

He looks into my eyes and I deeply regret leaving hisembrace. The air is cold without his arms around me and I miss the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

"It's okay. I overreacted. I'm feeling a lot right now."

I place my head back on his chest and cuddle into him, grateful when he wraps his arms around me again.

"It's okay. I know this weekend has been a lot for you. So much has happened. I don't want to push you at all, Tiff. I'm here if you want me but if you're not ready today or ever, that's also totally okay. As I said, I just want you to be happy."

His offer of unconditional love and support is overwhelming. I always felt with Ben as though his love came with strings attached. I don't know what I'm going to do with Dec going forward, but I'm almost certain that I wantsomething.

"Thank you," I murmur around a lump in my throat.

I'm rewarded with another kiss to the top of my head from Dec. I smile and look out at the ocean in front of us as we fall into a comfortable silence. I find myself thinking about the past fourteen years, not just my friendship with Dec, but also my relationship with Ben. Thinking about him sleeping with Ashley is still painful, but somehow it feels slightly less so when I'm wrapped in Dec's arms.

For years, he has been a rock for me. There to comfort me if I was ever upset and Ben wasn't there or was off taking drugs while we were out partying. Is itpossible that for years I was simply in a relationship with the wrong man?

I close my eyes and inhale his scent deeply, then slowly let out the breath and allow the peace that I get from being here with Dec to flood through me. I could be bitter and angry right now. I could be crying my eyes out over the betrayal I've experienced from someone I loved with my heart and soul. Or I could allow myself to enjoy what is being offered to me. Peace. Love. Comfort.

I sigh and voice my concerns aloud. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."

The thought of losing Dec is somehow even more terrifying than having lost Ben. To no longer have him in my life would leave me utterly bereft.

"I did warn you that there was no going back," he says seriously, then laughs. "I mean, I'm hardly going to forget what we did. It's going to live in my mind rent free for the rest of my life."

His voice is full of lust, and his heartbeat increases as he talks. A wave of arousal crashes over me and heat floods my cheeks as I remember how good he felt when he was buried deep inside me.

"I mean it when I say that I'm not going to push you for anything you don't want, though, Tiff." He lifts a hand to tilt my chin up to face his and I find myself looking into his beautiful blue eyes. "If I never get to sleep with you again, that's fine. I'll take you any way Ican get you. If that means we're nothing more than friends, then that's how it will be."

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