Page 18 of Black Lace

He gives a chuckle that somehow turns my insides to complete mush as he looks down at his phone. "Good choice."

I focus on reclining my chair for something to do because what I actually want to do is stare at Declan McLean and take in his every movement while deciphering whether or not this attraction I have to him right now is new, old, or a combination of both.

I'm a fucking mess.

CHAPTER 8

LOVE ROLLERCOASTER

(DECLAN)

Today has beenthe weirdest day for me. I had no real intention of sleeping with Tiff, but when she begged me to do it, I couldn't resist. I've spent the rest of the afternoon regretting it. I knew it was too soon or that maybe it should never happen at all, but I gave in to the temptation. Now I know what the forbidden fruit tastes like, I don't think I will ever be the same again.

Her reaction afterward made it clear that I've made a mistake and hearing her say exactly that was painful. At the same time, she’s beenlookingat me since then in a way that she never has in over a decade of friendship. It's as though with her Ben blinders off, she can finally actually see me.

Stop it, Declan McLean.

I give my head a small shake and try to focus on themovie she's chosen for us to watch. It's hard when she's so close to me and if I thought that choosing to sit in separate seats would somehow make it easier for me to be near her, I was sorely mistaken.

She laughs at a joke in the movie, and I don't think I've ever been more grateful to hear a sound in my life. It reminds me that all I want is for her to be happy. If that means never getting to fuck her again, then I'll survive as long as I get to keep her in my life and see her laugh like this.

I push away these thoughts and do my best to enjoy the movie, grinning as the two male models thwart the plot to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. By the end of the film, I'm laughing along with Tiff and she grins at me when the credits start to roll.

"I'd forgotten how funny that movie was."

"Me, too." I chuckle as I think about the tiny center for ants and grin back at Tiff as I ask, "Want something to eat?"

"Sure." She nods.

I have to resist the urge to take her hand in mine as we get up from our seats and head to the kitchen. I didn't give the staff any instructions, but I can see that the fridge is stocked with vegetables and meat, so I begin to take out two chicken breasts to grill for our dinner.

"Want me to make us a salad?" Tiff asks.

My heart beats faster as she appears at my side in front of the fridge. "Sure."

She smells like roses the same way she always does, and I'm immediately treated to memories of being buried deep inside her on the sofa. I step back quickly and spin on my heel to walk over to the bench with the chicken.

I take a deep breath and wonder how the fuck I'm meant to forget what we did as I begin to prepare the chicken. Tiff starts making a salad, and my heart hurts because I realize this is what I've secretly wanted for so long. I've wanted to be the one who got this side of her. The everyday mundane things like making dinner together. I've taken the scraps I've been given. I've tried to make it work with other women, but there was never any doubt in my mind that Tiffany Carter was the woman I wanted to be with. It's strange to be able to admit this to myself and I feel guilty for doing so, despite what Ben did.

We make dinner in relative silence, until Tiff finally speaks. "Which plates do you want to use?"

She indicates to the dinnerware my parents have stored away and I give her a wicked grin. "Use the good stuff that Mom would kill us if we broke it."

"Feeling reckless?" she teases me.

I look her over from head to toe, the same way I've done a thousand times in the past, and tell her, "You could say that."

At once the air is filled with all of the unsaid things between us. The fact that I've loved her for years and that I would give anything for her to be mine. Reckless or not, I know that now is not the time for me to tell her any of that.

She swallows heavily before she blinks a couple of times and nods at me. "Okay. Good stuff it is, then."

I take the chicken out of the oven and put it on the plates Tiff has gotten out while she dishes up salad. We both turn away from the bench at the same time and Tiff elbows me in the stomach, then stumbles backward with the salad bowl in her hands.

Instinctively, I reach out and grab her elbow to steady her. She stands upright, far too close to me, and stares at me with wide eyes. Both of us are silent and the air is filled with the sound of our breathing, hers just as heavy as mine is, arousal flowing through me just from this small amount of contact.

"Sorry," she murmurs.

"Not a problem," I assure her, trying my best to just be her friend, but strongly having to resist everything inside me that says I want and need her to be so much more than that.

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