Page 189 of Hayden's Stalker

I wrap my arms around myself as the guilt of what I did to them overwhelms me. I can’t handle it. It’s too much. Listening to my friends crying because of something that was my fault is awful, and I hate that I did this to them.

I remember Tati telling me that it wasn’t my fault, it was Sarah’s, but if it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have done it. There’s no getting around the fact that I’m the reason behind it all.

I’m not sure how long they stand there crying, but eventually, my guilt overwhelms me, and I tell them, “I’m so sorry, guys.”

Harrison and Heather both look over at me. She wipes the tears from her eyes and inhales a deep breath as she stares at me.

“Oh, Hayden,” she says quietly.

Heather strides back over to me and crouches down in front of me. My arms are still wrapped tightly around my midsection, but she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tight.

“It’s not your fault, darling.”

The words cut deeply, and I shake my head. “Yes, it is. I’m the reason Harrison was drugged. If it wasn’t for me—”

“No,” Heather says sternly. “I will not have you apologize to us for your mere existence, Hayden Vega.” She pulls her head back and stares into my eyes. “Okay? You listen to me. The drugging wasn’t your fault just because your stalker did it.” She looks up at Harrison, who is standing next to us now. “Right, honey?”

“Exactly.” He looks down at us. “I’m not going to pretend this isn’t hard for me. That night—” he sighs and clears his throat. “It wasn’t your fault, though. I don’t blame you for it.”

“Thanks, guys,” I say with a sniff as I wipe away a tear.

I’m glad they don’t hate me for it, but I still feel guilty that it happened. Heather squeezes me tightly, then stands and takes Harrison’s hand in hers before they sit down again.

“Thank you for telling us, Hayden. As hard as it is to hear, I’m glad I know the truth,” Harrison says.

I nod and give him a grim smile. “I figured. That’s also why I wanted to tell you guys privately. Tati’s gone upstairs to tell the others. If and when you’re ready, we can all talk about it, but it doesn’t need to be today, if ever.”

“I appreciate that,” Harrison says.

We fall silent, and the weight of everything is heavy on my shoulders. This conversation reminds me that Harrison has been through something pretty terrible as well, and I frown at him, unsure if I should ask the question I want to ask when he’s already feeling so shitty.

“What’s up?” he asks with a smile, and I raise my eyebrows at him. “I know you too well, Hayden Vega.”

I give a small laugh and then sigh. “I was just wondering how you coped.” I swallow against the lump in my throat and tell them in a cracked voice, “I’m not coping.”

“Well, I don’t know if you recall,” Heather says in a dry tone. “He got drunk every night, and I worked eighty-hour weeks on little to no sleep because of the nightmares I kept having.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you didn’t?” I ask with a wry grin.

“I’m saying that it was fucking hard, and we did whatever we had to do to get through it.” She looks at Harrison and leans over to kiss him before she says while looking into his eyes, “But we did get through it, and we’re happy.” She turns back to me. “Lots of therapy as well. That helped us, too.”

“If we’d found this out two years ago, I think it would’ve been a lot harder for us both.” Harrison smiles at Heather before he looks back at me. “I’m worried about you, though. Can you talk to Brendan?”

I nod. “I will. As soon as I get the chance.”

“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” He looks over at the clock and asks, “Should we go upstairs to see the others?”

I sigh because he’s right, and I’m not sure if I’m ready yet to relive what happened to me. At the same time, I know Tati’s upstairs, and I could really do with being around her right now. I need her calming presence because I feel like I’m going to splinter into a thousand pieces.

As we start to leave the room, I try to distract myself from the way I’m feeling by asking, “So what happened here while I was gone?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life,” Harrison says. “Seb came into my dressing room and told me what happened. Tati had stormed in asking about what you had done after the soundcheck, but by that point, she’d been taken to the hospital to get checked out.”

We head into the hallway to find a concerned-looking Jesse. His eyes run over me before he gives a smile, and I smile back, happy to see him as Harrison keeps talking.

“Cooper immediately canceled the concert, telling everyone you were sick,” he says.

“Ugh. Don’t get me started on Cooper,” Heather snorts.

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