Page 114 of Hayden's Stalker

She stands to leave, and I beg her, “Tatiana, don’t go. Talk to me.”

“I can’t, Hayden,” she says in a croaky voice, sounding as hurt as I feel.

I watch her walk away from me, feeling hollow inside as I do. I understand that she needs to be able to keep me safe, but I don’t understand why it’s not possible for her to do that while we’re together.

Some part of me, the part that still hurts from my past failed relationships, feels certain that I’m the problem here. That if she really wanted me, she’d be willing to do anything to be together. At the same time, she’s made it clear that she has feelings for me, so I know that it’s something within her that’s the issue.

Fuck my life.

I rest my head back against the sofa and look at the ceiling of the bus. Why can’t things just be simple and easy for me? Why did I have to meet a woman like Tati in a situation like this?

I sit there, wallowing in self-pity, until the sound of her bedroom door opening catches my attention. I watch her as she leaves her room, empty bowl and coffee mug in hand. She walks to the kitchen and rinses them, catching my eye occasionally and looking away quickly each time. When she finishes, she finally turns to look at me and doesn’t look away.

I smile at her and ask on a whim, “Want to watchSkyfallwith me?”

She looks conflicted for a few moments, and I think she’s going to say no before she finally says, “Okay.”

My heart leaps, and I can’t wipe the smile from my face as I close the blinds so it’s semi-dark inside the bus before I settle myself on the sofa. I rest with my back at the end of it with my legs stretched out in front of me, facing the screen that drops down from the roof, with Tati sitting near my feet.

I start the movie, and when Bond is trying to stop the bleeding of another agent, I suggest, “Come here, Tati. It will be more comfortable if you sit with me.”

Her neck is craned all the way back to look up at the ceiling, and it has to be painful. I hold my arms wide, offering up my lap as a seating option, but also desperate to have her in my arms again.

As I watch, I can see the desire in her expression, but I also sense her closing herself off to me, so I assure her, “We’ll just watch the movie. Nothing else, I promise.”

She moves over to me, and I can barely bring myself to believe she’s going to watch the movie with me this way. She sits in my lap, facing the TV, and leans back against my chest.

Her weight on me is pleasurable, but I wrap my arms low around her waist to make it clear that I’m not trying anything funny with this. Fuck, I don’t need to try anything funny. I’m fighting an erection just from this, but it’s also deeply satisfying just having her here with me.

The film plays on the screen in front of me, but I barely pay any attention. I’ve seen this movie so many times that I don’t need to watch it to know what happens and enjoy it.

Tati’s body is stiff in my arms, so I gently stroke her stomach with my thumb and whisper in her ear, “Relax, Tati. We’re just watching a movie together. Nothing more.”

“This doesn’t feel like just watching a movie together, Hayden,” she murmurs in a husky voice.

I get where she’s coming from because this is probably more arousing for me than a thousand other sexual things I’ve done with people in the past. At the same time, I would move heaven and earth just to stay in this moment with her.

“Well, it is. Trust me. I am determined to keep you here, and I won’t risk doing anything to fuck that up. So just enjoy the movie.”

After another few moments, her body relaxes, and I smile as she rests her head against mine. I can smell her floral scent, and I’m in complete bliss as we watch the movie together.

I revel in this feeling as it plays out on the screen in front of us. I pretend that everythingisdifferent for us. That Tati is mine, and we’re together, with no stalker and no need to be professional. It’s easy to pretend when she’s in my arms and it feels like this is where she belongs.

I love her.

Somehow, through the time I’ve spent with this woman, I’ve fallen in love with her. I don’t know when it happened, but my heart hurts as I come to the realization that I want my fantasyworld to be my reality. When this movie ends, I know that I’m going to have to let her go, and that hurts.

It feels as though the movie’s end is a deadline rushing toward us, and I try to savor every breath and every moment with the precious woman I’m holding as I watch the film. By the time Bond has found the mole and cleared M, I know my time here with Tati will soon come to an end.

As the credits begin to play, I sigh in disappointment that our time is up and ask, “Did you enjoy that one?”

“It was my favorite Bond movie yet,” she says to my surprise.

“Really? Most people sayCasino Royaleis still better.” I pull my head back to look at her.

Her cheeks turn red, and she says casually, “Better watching experience, I guess.”

“I have to admit, this was a very enjoyable way to watch the film. Thank you for staying.”

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