Page 71 of Hayden's Stalker

I can see in her eyes how much she cares, and the fact that she says she’s scared of me being harmed both scares and pleases me in equal measure. Hearing that she cares about me so much that she’s concerned about how it would affect her if I was hurt makes my heart ache because it means so much. Atthe same time, it means that some part of her is scared shecan’tkeep me safe, and that terrifies me.

She looks into my eyes and begs, “Please just believe me when I say that us being nothing more than friends is the best way for me to keep you safe.”

As I take in her beautiful face, I don’t know how to respond. She looks at me with so much concern in her expression, but something has changed between us during this conversation, and we can’t take it back.

“What’s said can’t be unsaid, Tati. But okay. I’m hearing what you’re saying, and I get it. We can be friends who pretend they don’t want to fuck each other.”

11

The Resistance

I slidebetween Tati and Jesse in the backseat when we get into the town car that will drive us to the venue. It was uncomfortable having to face him when we took our stuff to the tour bus earlier. He didn’t have much to say to me about it and just accepted my apology gracefully, which made me feel even more shit about my mistake. It’s awkward sitting in the middle of the two of them, and none of us really say anything as the car makes its way through the city.

The regular excitement of starting a tour is tinged with the same fear that clouds nearly everything for me these days. I’m very aware that I’m going to be exposed and in public a lot more than I have been at home.

As we drive, I can’t help but be distracted from my thoughts when I notice Tati grinding her teeth. Her whole body is coiled like a spring, and she keeps darting glances at our driver as if assessing his driving capabilities. I realize this is the first time I’ve seen her not behind the wheel of a vehicle we’re in, and it’s interesting to see her as a passenger.

When the arena comes into view, she blows out a huge breath of air, and I grin at her. “Not a fan of being a passenger, Tati?”

“What gives it away?” she asks as she turns her bright blue eyes to me.

“Hmm. Was it the grinding of teeth, the white knuckles, or the massive sigh of relief when you realized we were almost there? How to choose?” I tease her.

I watch her, fascinated as she seems to force her body into a more relaxed pose. If I hadn’t known how tense she’s been during this car ride, I’d think she was totally chill.

“D. All of the above,” Jesse says, and I laugh.

We pull into the venue and drive past a group of Cruise Control fans who will have camped out for their chance to see us before the concerts. Many of them have signs, and a lot of them scream when they see my car. I smile back at them even though they can’t see me.

“I don’t know why I’m surprised by that,” Tatiana murmurs.

“That some of our fans are already here?” I ask, and she nods. “We’ve got the best fans. Sometimes I can’t believe that anyone likes us at all, especially when you see the amount of time and energy they put into stuff.”

I think about some of the things I’ve seen online, and I’m truly honored that people love our music as much as they do. There’s nothing that gives me more joy than when people show their love for our work with their own artistic creations.

“One guy makes covers of our songs using samples of other songs that he modifies. I watch his videos on YouTube. It’s crazy complex and takes him hours and hours to get it right. I almost feel like it’s cheating to just use instruments,” I joke with a laugh.

We pull up behind the venue, and Tati opens the door before she gets out and holds it open for me. As I get out, I look over and see Sebastian pull Mira out of a car seat in one of the black SUVs we usually drive around in. He stands there holding her as Lita climbs out of the car, and I head over to them, sendingTati following behind me as I do and grateful for her presence as usual.

“You came in one of the SUVs?” I raise an eyebrow at my friends.

“They don’t exactly have car seats in town cars, Hayden,” Lita laughs.

“I bet they could’ve put one in for you,” I point out.

She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t trust one I don’t know the crash history of or haven’t researched.”

“Which is why we’re taking our own car seat with us for the tour.” Sebastian grins at me.

Daryl’s pulling Mira’s car seat from the car as we talk, and I give him a polite smile when he catches my eye.

Seb cradles Mira in his arms as he jerks his head in the direction of the group of people waiting to see us. “Come on. Let’s go see the fans.”

I’m about to agree when Tati interjects with a curt, “I’m sorry, what?”

“We always go sign autographs and stuff before the soundcheck,” Sebastian tells her.

She looks at me and shakes her head. “Hayden, you can’t do that.”

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