Page 58 of Hayden's Stalker

I can’t bear the thought of her trying to give me her sympathy because my boyfriend treats me badly. Not when I want her the way I do, and I shake my head.

“Don’t say anything. I don’t want your pity.”

“Why stay?”

Because I hadn’t met you.

It’s basically the truth. Being around Tati has highlighted all the ways Blake is so much harder to be around than she is.

I know that I can’t be with her even if we both want it, so I don’t tell her that, and instead I joke, “The sex is good, I guess.”

“Bullshit,” she scoffs. “There are plenty of places to get good sex—”

She cuts herself off, drawing my attention to the fact that she’s probably thinking about us having sex together. When she gasps, I think it’s probably the sexiest sound in the history of the world.

I look at her beautiful face and imagine pulling her over to ride me in the seat I’m sitting in. I can imagine undoing her braid and running my hands through her hair while I kiss her.

She swallows and blinks at me a few times before she says in a husky voice, “I can’t figure it out. You’re amazing, Hayden. Surely you know that. So why stay in a relationship with someone who seems to do everything he can to make you unhappy?”

The way she says I’m amazing, as though it’s simply a fact for her, makes my heart hurt. It’s all I’ve ever wanted from the person I’m with, and I don’t get that from Blake.

I do still love him, though, so I point out, “He doesn’t always make me unhappy.”

I’m aware that I sound as defensive as I feel, and Tati clearly isn’t going to let me get away with this copout because she says sternly, “Hayden, your partner shouldn’t make you unhappyat all. You know that, right?”

And there it is.

Tati doesn’t make me unhappy. Ever. Even when she’s been angry at me, she hasn’t made me feel like a piece of shit for it. When I was with Ally, she was fun to be with, but there was always this desire for it to be something more. Being with Blakeis so stressful, and I always wonder when the next time is that he’ll blow up at me for something.

I know I shouldn’t be having this conversation with Tati, of all people, but I can’t stop myself from admitting, “Yeah, I’m seeing that. Things should be fun and easy, and I shouldn’t be spending nights out wondering what exactly my boyfriend is going to say next to piss off my friends. But then we’ll be alone and he’ll be sweet and lovely, and I’ll forget all the shitty things he did. I just wish he was like that all the time.”

There’s silence when I finish talking, and the weight of what I’ve admitted to her sits heavily on me. Now that I’ve voiced it aloud, it’s as though the truth of just how bad my relationship is with Blake is something I can no longer ignore. I trace the pattern in the cover of the start button as I avoid her gaze.

“Who have you told this to, Hayden?”

“Only you,” I admit, then think about Sebastian’s thirtieth birthday party and the conversation I had there. “I suppose I kind of told Lita last year, but I chickened out from telling her I was ever unhappy.”

Tati sighs. “Did you end up organizing a session with that therapist you mentioned?”

I nod, unable to voice any response because there’s a huge lump in my throat right now. I have a knot in my stomach as I realize how fucked up my life is. Someone out there wants to hurt me, but someone I’m directly involved with already does.

“Might I suggest that you mention some of this to them as well?” She asks softly, and I nod again. “Can I give you a hug?”

The request surprises me into looking up at her. I hate the pity I see in her expression, but she also looks concerned, and I nod a third time because I need some comfort right now.

She unbuckles her seatbelt, leans across the space between us, and wraps her arms around my neck. They’re warm and comforting as I put my arms around her waist. She gives a softsigh as she melts into my embrace. I close my eyes and lose myself in the feeling of having her in my arms. Everything feels perfect right now, as though nothing can ever harm me.

Every single concern or worry I have flies out of my head, and I smile against her neck with her spicy, flowery scent filling my senses. I never want to let her go. I want to stay here in this car and hold her forever.

Eventually, she sighs softly and says, “We should go look at this bus.”

I know she’s right, but I wish she weren’t. “I don’t want to. I’m happy right here.”

I squeeze her tightly, then grudgingly release her, and I hate the feeling of her pulling her arms away from my neck.

She sits up and smiles at me. “Feeling a bit better?”

I’m surprised that I do and grin at her. “Much, actually. You give the best hugs, Tati.”

---