Page 47 of Hayden's Stalker

“Because of Vesper. He was never the same until he met Tracy.” I smile because I’ve always liked that he did find someone else to love, even if it was doomed as well.

“Spoilers!” Tati exclaims.

I chuckle and tease her, “It’s not my fault you’re about seventy years late to the party. So what I’m hearing is that you wouldn’t kill yourself over a man?”

She looks thoughtful and seems to truly consider it. I’m desperately curious what conclusion she’ll come to as I wait for her answer.

“I’d die in the line of duty and be happy about it if it kept my client safe. I can’t see myself committing suicide just to keep a man safe.”

Interesting. She values her clients more than anyone else.

“What if that man was a client?” I wonder as I raise an eyebrow at her.

“Concerned I might not give myself up for you?” she laughs.

I can’t help but laugh because I hadn’t considered that. “Okay, I wasn’t thinking about myself, but let’s pretend it’s me.” I find myself curious if she would sacrifice herself to keep me safe, and I hope she would even though I don’t want her to ever come to harm. “You’re captured and they’re going to torture you for information about where I am. You’ve got a cyanide capsule between your teeth. Are you biting?”

She grinds her teeth, a noise that sets my nerves on edge, but I’m definitely not as on edge as Tatiana is by the question I’ve asked her.

Her body is tense, but as I watch, she visibly relaxes before answering in a calm tone, “Well, that comes back to my other issue. Vesper didn’t even know for sure that SMERSH would find them. At least in your scenario, I’m captured and being tortured. I wouldn’t give up that easily, so no, I probably wouldn’t bite. I’d fight it out and make them kill me. While I hold information they want, it’s unlikely they will, which means I still have a chance to escape. Vesper wasn’t even captured, so she had no reason to do what she did.”

Tatiana scoffs as she finishes talking, and I stare at her in astonishment. I wanted her to tell me that she would bite a cyanide capsule to keep me safe. Her answer is so much morereassuring than that. She would fight for me, which brings me a lot of comfort to know.

“My initial thought was that I wanted you to bite to keep me safe, but I like your response much better, actually. I’d much rather you were alive and fighting than dead, if I think about it. I mean, if you bite, I don’t have your protection anymore. Is there some level of torture that would make you talk, do you think?”

I want to know whatcouldbreak her, and I just hope that whatever it is, my stalker is never capable of it.

She heaves a deep sigh, then says, “It’s always a balance of things that are happening at the time. So, I guess the simple answer would be torture happening to someone else. I can’t control their response, and I don’t want to be responsible for their pain.”

My heart pounds in my chest as she says this, and her distress is obvious as she talks about the idea of it. I suppose it makes sense that her pain and responses are things she can control, whereas she can’t control what anyone else might do.

“Again, though, once that information is handed over, I am no longer safe, nor is the person being tortured. So, I have to balance in this scenario whether or not handing the information over is beneficial.”

She cringes and looks down at the book in her lap as she quietly says her next words.

“It could be a case where it’s better that they’re dead, but at least I survive with the information, particularly if someone else’s safety relies on me keeping the information to myself.”

I can barely breathe as I take it in. She won’t look at me, reminding me she’s probably killed people before. Has she been in this very situation? One where she made the choice to let a person die rather than give up knowledge she needed to keep safe?

I watch her trace the words ‘Casino Royale’ on the cover of the book as I process all of this. She’s obviously uncomfortable, and I get the feeling this is more information than she would usually tell people. I’m honored that she seems to feel safe with me the way I do with her, and I truly appreciate her honesty.

I try to find the words to make her more comfortable again and maybe move the conversation away from this topic, so I say, “I guess the goal is to not end up in that situation.”

She nods and finally looks back at me. “Precisely. Which is why I was angry at Vesper. She hadn’t reached a point where she had no choice.”

I’m amused because, given everything she’s told me, I can see how she would never do what Vesper did in the book.

“At least in the movie, she didn’t really have a choice. You might like that ending better.” I smile at her.

“She still dies?”

“She still dies,” I confirm, but I think the circumstances will be more palatable to Tati at least.

She wrinkles her nose at me. “I remain of the opinion that she’d be a better protagonist for a spy series.”

I laugh because she looks cute when she’s annoyed. “Noted. We can watch it sometime, and you can tell me if the movie is better than the book.”

“Is the movieeverbetter than the book?”

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